Cindy Claveau

I made a New Year's resolution this year. I promised myself I would try to control my bad language. I think it sounds cheap and dirty and makes me sound like I can't speak intelligently despite my English degree and posing as a failed writer.

Tomorrow is the first of June. And I'm sad to report that I've broken my resolution thousands of times, starting on January 2nd.

I'm at a loss. I wasn't raised this way. My parents never had potty mouths. I've never been in the military or served prison time. I don't know where this bad habit came from.

And I'm sick and fucking tired of it! I do fine until some asswipe S.O.B. cuts me off in traffic or a dipshit customer gets unreasonable with me! I'm calm and normal until a goddam game I'm playing keeps killing me through no fucking fault of my own! (usually)

I NEED HELP GODDAMIT! I'M FUCKING TIRED OF THIS FUCKING CUSSING AND HOW IT FUCKING MAKES ME SOUND WHEN I'M FUCKING PISSED!!

Help?

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Mr Twine

Pretend this kid is walking behind you, ready to randomly repeat anything that comes out of your mouth.



(As you can see, she is already shocked by your language)

Imnotgoing Sideways

Don't frigg'n worry. (^_^)y

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Cindy Claveau

pancake

I have the worst language, but I too didn't start out this way.

I guess it started in my early twenties when I went to work in a very traditionally male oriented industry. I didn't consciously choose to be "one of the guys" my language just changed. Probably because it was so common around me that it lost any taboo.

I sometimes say I'm going to work on it, but then I forget/fail.

This past weekend my son remarked to me about a decision the ref had just made in his soccer game "Fucken bullshit call".



I might have more incentive now to be a wee bit more careful.

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MissKillian Barbosa

When I hear a curse word coming I try to think of a replacement word.. sometimes I stretch out the first letter if i need more time.

"What the Fffrick is that idiot doing?"
"Son of a Biscuit, I snubbed my toe!"

But I've been doing this since I've been a kid. And even then, not around my mother whose swearing could blush a sailor.

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Silly Ol' Killy Dilly

Casey Pelous

This sounds like a classic case of "what you resist persists."

Soooooo.... get out of resistance. You obviously don't really want to stop cussing, you want to show your more expansive vocabulary. You can have it both ways! When you let it rip, laugh, then add a more literate/eloquent/socially approved version.

Mission fuckin' accomplished.

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Cindy Claveau

What a great fucking idea!!!

Kalel

Cheese and rice..

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eku Zhong

I was on the phone to linden labs last week..
I made a great effort to speak in my politest, bestest most charming voice..

the exchange went very well.. and soon my problem was solved..

as soon as i got off the phone, Humps and yure.. who were listening over skype..
went into paroxisms of laughter..

what!!?? i said..

when they caught their breath.. they gasped out.. you told the Linden that your SIM was more fucked up than before..

I so dont remember saying that.

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Argent Stonecutter

Alternative plans.

Yosemite Sam swearing: Razzafrazzing goldarn caniglioon wackafracking basket!

Shakespearean swearing: Scurvy cock-a-hoop blackguard! Listless cod-mongering beggar!

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Cristiano

All I have to say is fuck that noise. Let your potty mouth flag fly.

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Joy Honey

The cuss cup fuckin' worked for me!
ok, seriously, it worked when I was 16 and the money going in there was money I was earning.

So... maybe something tangible to reward yourself for going x number of days without swearing?

I foresee a nice spa vacation in your future!

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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example

"Mom, why is your eye twitching?"
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Brenda Connolly

You are SOOOOOOOOO fucking hot when you talk dirty.

I've given up any intention of removing the more colorful words from my vocabulary. They can be very effective as well as entertaining. I just try to keep in mind the proper times and places to use them, and just fucking go with it.

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Cindy Claveau

Hey, baby. How the fuckin' hell are you?

Aimee Weber

My brain is incapable of grasping the concept of arbitrary social taboos.

It's like going to a strange world where everybody gets upset because I, for example, scratched my left knee on Wednesday ("Why the fuck do you people care when I itch my fucking knee ... your rules do not make any fucking sense!NRGH#*&@^&#@...")

I agree with Casey, there's a distinction between eloquent and ineloquent speech, and profanity isn't where the line is drawn, it's your ability to articulate. When cussing becomes an expressive crutch, like the dreaded repetition of "ummmm" and "you know" and "like" to punctuate every sentence, you're doing yourself a disservice. So the goal is not so much to avoid profanity, but to use it properly to punctuate your statements.


That said, there's something to be said about the awareness of and respect for local social customs. They're important to certain people, and going with the flow can work to your advantage. Some people will want you to bow at certain times, others will worry about the knee your scratching, and others will want you use alternative words like "poopie" rather than "shit".

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Shiloh Lyric

This is a hard one for me, too, although I'm much better than I used to be. I worked in places where swearing was just how you punctuated your verbal communication, and it does rub off and become a habit. Of course, letting the "bad words" fly in church is a definite no-no, so it's something I've really worked on, although I still slip up sometimes (but not in church...whew!). My kids will call me on it, though, even though I've given the "they are grown-up words and I'm a grown-up" talk, it doesn't really slide with them.

The thing that worked the best is to use something else in substitution. Frick, frig, freak, fudge for "fuck", crap or sugar for "shit", darn for "damn", heck or hades for "hell", etc. Sometimes I'm like MissKillian, though...I start with the bad word and will hang it at some point at the beginning of the word so I can get a "replacement" out. It's a work in progress, though.

Having said that...there are still times when only a well-placed cuss word, spoken with just the right touch of emphasis, will get the real point across.

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Soen Eber

You're an English major.





Well....?






Or art though an artless beef-witted flap-mouthed canker-blossom from inferno's middle-reach, or in the more gentle verse of P.G. Woodhouse, a ghastly sheep-faced fugitive from hell?

Soen Eber

Plan B

Jar, preferably plastic, preferably empty (procedure: 1. remove Miracle Whip. 2. Rinse. 3. Dry). Stack of quarters. Curse. Insert quarter. Repeat until full. Give to charity. DO NOT BUY ICE CREAM. Buy this if you must.

On fail, repeat. Change donation to Rush Limbaugh.

Brenda Connolly

Don't forget "frag" or "felgercarb"

Just watch any Spike Lee movie on Broadcast TV. A few "Mickey Fickeys", will give you the idea.

I'll also sometimes curse in a foreign language if I'm reasonably assured no one listening speaks it. I'm getting pretty good at amassing a nice vocabulary of international invectives.

Lucifer Baphomet

Hab SoSlI' Quch!

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Lord

Shoot, this past year I nearly got fired from my Public School job because when I caught an 8th grader in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and he started giving me a bald faced lie (and whom I had heard using obscenities in his usual style of talking many times before) about what he was doing there, I said "Don't give me that bullshit." So, when I got the attention of the nearest administrator, the student immediately cut me off and proclaimed to the administrator that I had 'cursed' at him. The admin only wanted to know if I used the word, not the context that it was used in, and in appeasement to the child, summarily dismissed any action against the child and then proceeded to make an example of me and have my superior write a disciplinary notice on me, calling my behaviour 'unprofessional' and in need of 're-training'...all for saying that one word which was far from being uncommon usage by this student or by most of the students in that particular school. My superior later told me that the admin had wanted me fired but that she persuaded him to let it stand with the disciplinary notice in my file.

Sonja Aeghin

There's nothing quite like swearing in Klingon.

Cindy Claveau

Mr Twine

Wow. That was highly unprofessional by your superior. Yay for completely undermining your authority simply over.. bullshit.