Logo

Redhead · 12-22-2007, 12:29 AM

I just stumbled onto this site. You just check the boxes that apply and it will write you a nice "break up" email that you can send to the person you want to dump. They are funny as hell!

Here is my sample letter (I was going to use the name of someone here, but thought that might cause too much drama as they might not get the joke):

Quote:

Dear Dubbya,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I called the nursery school program, and they agreed to let you in after they assessed your maturity level. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that.

And as if that wasn't enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama.

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

I hope maggots devour your testicles,
Redhead

I love the bit about the frozen salmon!

Let's see what some of you can come up with!

Remember, this is all just good fun, so DON'T BE MEAN TO EACH OTHER and don't freak out if someone uses your name in a letter.

Personally, I can't wait to see the letter someone might make for me!

**Tya** · 12-22-2007, 12:34 AM

LOL i gotta try this

**Tya** · 12-22-2007, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Dear Redhead,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. I called the nursery school program, and they agreed to let you in after they assessed your maturity level. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. I can't believe you forgot my birthday! Who does that? The fact that you forgot our anniversary just confirms that it's time for "we" to become "me." The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called "You've lost that lovin' feeling." You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.

Sometimes you need to take things a bit slower, and just have fun. Unfortunately, this relationship is becoming too serious for my tastes. At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun.

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. It's not you, it's me. Really. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. You may not have realized, but I saw you with him, you fat-fried hamburger-humper! It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Enjoy your new freedom, slut!
Tya

lol

Redhead · 12-22-2007, 12:42 AM

"fat-fried hamburger-humper!"

**Tya** · 12-22-2007, 12:47 AM

oh breaking up with myself...

Quote:

Dear Tya,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. You've changed too much since we met, and I don't like it. I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can't actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. I'm fed up with kissing an ashtray and seeing you waste your money on cancer sticks every day. It's disgusting. I also really need more space, I don't like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand. I don't know how to break it to you, but I found someone else to replace you. You know what they say: out with the old, in with the new!

All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun. I'm not a puppet, you can't just control me by pulling on a string, so why do you try to control everything I do? I need my freedom, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. It's not you, it's me. Really. You're more like a sibling to me, you know? Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. You may not have realized, but I saw you with her, you greasy-heeled anus-sniffer! It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

See you in hell,
Tya

Redhead · 12-22-2007, 12:51 AM

Does this mean that you need to beat yourself with a frozen salmon?

**Tya** · 12-22-2007, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redhead

Does this mean that you need to beat yourself with a frozen salmon?

beats a whip i guess, at least i can toss it in the frying pan after lol

Nitnay · 12-22-2007, 01:04 AM

Personly I find that a wet trout works better than a frozen salmond and the sound effects are way better.

Edav Nomad · 12-23-2007, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redhead

Personally, I can't wait to see the letter someone might make for me!

Dear Redhead,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that.

All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me.

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Fuck off for ever,
Edav

Don Mill · 12-23-2007, 10:22 AM

Dear Donna,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. The fact that you forgot our anniversary just confirms that it's time for "we" to become "me."

And as if that wasn't enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass!

Even though our relationship is at its end, I hope we can still be friends. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I'm not sure whether we can see each other again in the future but, for now at least, I definitely need my own space. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Wish it could have worked out,

**Siobhan OFlynn** · 12-23-2007, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Dear Britney,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. And another thing: take a freakin shower! You smell so bad that the garbage collectors wonder what the smell is when they come down the street. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can't actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. I don't really do the whole long distance relationship thing. New area code, new market, and it's time for me to go shopping.

Some people get very little money out of their job. Some people get dumped. Joy of joys, you get both. Sometimes you need to take things a bit slower, and just have fun. Unfortunately, this relationship is becoming too serious for my tastes. All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. I'm not a puppet, you can't just control me by pulling on a string, so why do you try to control everything I do? I need my freedom, and there's nothing you can do about it. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I'm not sure whether we can see each other again in the future but, for now at least, I definitely need my own space. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

See you in hell,
Cristiano Midnight

I intercepted this message by hacking Cristiano's email. Seriously, dood, hasn't she suffered enough?

Rooke Ayres · 12-23-2007, 03:26 PM

I've always found that a two week dead tuna works wonders in these kind of situations.

Just make sure to wear a gas mask before using it... or you'll wish you had!

Brig McD · 12-23-2007, 03:31 PM

This was just for giggles...no drama here

Dear Mr. X,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. And another thing: take a freakin shower! You smell so bad that the garbage collectors wonder what the smell is when they come down the street. Doing drugs so much really got in the way of more important things. You need to clean yourself up. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called "You've lost that lovin' feeling." You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.

You're like cling wrap around me, but what you need to realize is that I am not a vegetable and your clinginess is unbearable. At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun. Another problem is that you're irresponsible, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore.
Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I'm not sure whether we can see each other again in the future but, for now at least, I definitely need my own space. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

I hope maggots devour your testicles,
Brig

Redhead · 12-23-2007, 04:07 PM

I'm still trying to figure out what a "fat-fried hamburger-humper" is.

**Tya** · 12-23-2007, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redhead

I'm still trying to figure out what a "fat-fried hamburger-humper" is.

might be a new mc donald's menu item lol

Dnate Mars · 12-24-2007, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Dear Josh,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? You've changed too much since we met, and I don't like it. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I called the nursery school program, and they agreed to let you in after they assessed your maturity level. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. And another thing: take a freakin shower! You smell so bad that the garbage collectors wonder what the smell is when they come down the street. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that. I also really need more space, I don't like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand. The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called "You've lost that lovin' feeling." You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.

Some people get very little money out of their job. Some people get dumped. Joy of joys, you get both. Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a happy meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. You're like cling wrap around me, but what you need to realize is that I am not a vegetable and your clinginess is unbearable. You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama.

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. You may not have realized, but I saw you with her, you greasy-heeled anus-sniffer! I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Enjoy your new freedom, slut!
Dnate

It's true. All of it.

12-22-2007, 12:34 AM	#2 (permalink)
Tya Gone SLU Supporter makar-rasa Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 4,200 My Mood: SL Join Date: August 28 2003 Business: [PM] Pixel Mode Blog Entries: 12	LOL i gotta try this __________________ My Flickr \|

12-23-2007, 03:26 PM	#12 (permalink)
Rooke Ayres Teh Hippie... Will work for LOLs Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: The Top of California Posts: 1,354 My Mood: SL Join Date: Dec 30, 2006 Business: The Rooke's Nest	I've always found that a two week dead tuna works wonders in these kind of situations. Just make sure to wear a gas mask before using it... or you'll wish you had! __________________ Have a good one! Visit The Rooke's Nest on Good Vibrations Island. Bold Jewelry, Glasses, Pendants, Art, and Shiny Things

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

12-22-2007, 12:42 AM	#4 (permalink)
Redhead La Vie Boheme It's all relative Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Salem Oregon Posts: 3,941 My Mood: SL Join Date: January 2005	"fat-fried hamburger-humper!"

12-22-2007, 12:51 AM	#6 (permalink)
Redhead La Vie Boheme It's all relative Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Salem Oregon Posts: 3,941 My Mood: SL Join Date: January 2005	Does this mean that you need to beat yourself with a frozen salmon?

12-22-2007, 01:04 AM	#8 (permalink)
Nitnay Perv at Large Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Penn. Posts: 1,125 My Mood:	Personly I find that a wet trout works better than a frozen salmond and the sound effects are way better.

12-23-2007, 10:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
Don Mill is titmerized(r) Sexist, Mysoginist, Racist, Homophobic.. but Cute Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3,699 Blog Entries: 1	Dear Donna, I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. The fact that you forgot our anniversary just confirms that it's time for "we" to become "me." And as if that wasn't enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! Even though our relationship is at its end, I hope we can still be friends. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I'm not sure whether we can see each other again in the future but, for now at least, I definitely need my own space. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over. Wish it could have worked out,

12-23-2007, 03:31 PM	#13 (permalink)
Brig McD Waiting for Someday Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 12,297 SL Join Date: July 29, 2006	This was just for giggles...no drama here Dear Mr. X, I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. And another thing: take a freakin shower! You smell so bad that the garbage collectors wonder what the smell is when they come down the street. Doing drugs so much really got in the way of more important things. You need to clean yourself up. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called "You've lost that lovin' feeling." You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling. You're like cling wrap around me, but what you need to realize is that I am not a vegetable and your clinginess is unbearable. At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun. Another problem is that you're irresponsible, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore. Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I'm not sure whether we can see each other again in the future but, for now at least, I definitely need my own space. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over. I hope maggots devour your testicles, Brig

12-23-2007, 04:07 PM	#14 (permalink)
Redhead La Vie Boheme It's all relative Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Salem Oregon Posts: 3,941 My Mood: SL Join Date: January 2005	I'm still trying to figure out what a "fat-fried hamburger-humper" is.

Logo

Site Navigation