Solanghe Sarlo

I dunno why I'm posting this other than for a hug or whatever but...

Are their ANY RL females to be found at the "women only" and/or "lesbian" gathering places in SL other than me!??

My sorry tale:

My original rez date is Feb 2006. Somehow I have managed in all this time to avoid a coupling (which some tell me is unusual). Lately I've been more open to the idea which is probably why I responded recently to a saucy flirt from a stunning female Avi at a so called 'woman only' venue.

Short version - we hit it off. I'm thinking, "Wow. Intelligent. Hilarious. Can write in whole sentences with minimal typos...yesssss! After 3 days or so, she came clean (much to her credit for being honest) and told me she's a HE.

Of course this doesn't prevent a friendship; I'm still crazy about 'her' brain. But anything other than that is just not a go for me; I'm gay. The thought of there being a RL man on the other end is just distasteful to me. (hope no one is offended, this is just my truth).

Ok. So trying to deal with this, I subsequently over the next few weeks meet four additional interesting and attractive Avi...ALL RL MEN. Two told me upfront. The other two had to be backed into a corner to admit it.

One of them actually gave me sh** because I wasn't willing to "just ignore it" because "here in SL gender really isn't a issue. Why should it be?"

ARRGH!

These experiences have effectively shoved me back into the "SL relationship" closet.

That's all. I just wonder what others think about this...I know it's a subject that's been done to death but... *sighs*

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archie lukas

MY friend (AAngel) has the same thoughts, she prefers females cos we men are too, umm y'know etc.

However she is witty, fecking clever and I like her as she does not see me as a sexual partner, so is a damn good friend.
The conversations we have are brilliant.

She tried lesperado (is that right) and got hit on as she entered.

Now - a question is that a typical 'ladies who prefer ladies' characterisation -or (as I reckon) its a man using his usual quick chat lines with the usual male lack of finesse?

Watcha reckon?


PS has anyone invented a hidden penis detector yet?
Why not then?

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Archie Lukas Esq

CoyoteMomiji

Most of the men I know who think that genuine lesbians should "overlook their RL gender" would be horrified at the idea of sucking a cock.

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Slick closed until further notice.

Recidivist Sideways: YOU'LL TAKE MY ROUGH, BUTTERY FRIENDSHIP, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT

Ingrid N

I've noticed that. I don't mind (except when I'm outright being lied to by someone who just wants to fuck and dump me) but the thing is... none of these men playing women are even the slightest bit butch! Butch in the good way I mean, not in the weird-shape way. I want my butches .

Edit: Man I totally forgot my usual rant about how it's no one's business what RL gender someone is, I'm way off my game lately.

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liminal.: Skins & AOs! More fun than a subincision!

Sarah Nerd

If your looking for a real life thing be upfront about that before it goes far. If your just looking for an SL thing, then just stop backing them in a corner about it. If you meet someone, and really enjoy the conversation and company and it's just for SL, then really it shouldn't matter all that much. If you were to judge me just on the looks of my avi, you would be sadly disappointed if it ever came to picture sharing time. When I meet new people, should I quickly disclose the fact that I'm fat just in case they are sickened by the thought of a fat girl on the other end typing? SL (for me at least) is far more mental then physical. People show what they would like you to see and how they feel they would like to be.

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www.SarahNerd.com
http://www.your2ndplace.com/sarahnerd

Willow Matthews

Maybe try Beebo's place? The Duchess? I can't vouch for the authenticity of the avatars being female, who could, but it's a heck of a nice place to hang out, I'm not gay, I just go and dance with teh Beebs but the people there seem to be a nice crowd.

Sarah Nerd

Better idea.....Just go Bi then no one is ever disappointed.

IsaDaft Trollop

Who could resist dancing with Beebo?

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Updated 2/15/09
I am giving you an 8.4 on the Official Trout Recreant Slutiness Measuring Device. Congratulations and shame on you!
(from a 7.3)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cocoanut Koala If I had weed, a movie, and hot sex waiting for me, too, y'all would be dust in my rear view mirror.

Sarah Nerd

Bea used to love Venice Beach. That's an all girl beach and I know she loved the people there.

Envoy Costagravas

Dr. Momiji nails it once again. That will be $125, please.






And, yes, I'm aware I used the term "nails it".

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"When Men differ in Opinion, both Sides ought equally to have the Advantage of being heard by the Publick;
and that when Truth and Error have fair Play, the former is always an overmatch for the latter."
~ Benjamin Franklin

Joshua Nightshade

When I joined SL it was this cool technical sandbox thing that everyone was excited to play around with. At some point a couple years later it morphed into this (to me) very strange escapist fantasy land that I still have really had a hard time understanding. The people I knew in beta and 2004 (when I took a real interest in actually using SL) were pretty forthcoming about their identities and such, and then maybe in 2005/2006 when I met new people and conversationally asked stuff like "How old are you, where are you from" got the door rudely slammed in my face with responses like "This is SL, you don't ask those questions here."

I've still never, ever understood where the perception changed and it's something I've never liked at all. I've always been upfront about myself and very much connected my real life to my internet identity (increasingly too much, as I'm discovering the hard way ) but it is what it is, I have a hard time being secretive about any of it.

I know to a lot of people SL is an escape or a way to be things that they aren't in RL. And I think that's fine up to a point until you begin involving other people in it. Being deceptive about RL details on a relationship level is really awful to me. I think people assuage it with this "SL is SL, RL is RL, keep them separate!" but it doesn't work that way, there's always real emotions involved and it's really unfair and selfish to lie to people.

I think ultimately in the case you describe it comes down to straight guys thinking the only way they're going to get a lesbian interested in them is if they fake it. Good on the ones that at least admitted it, shame on the asshole(s) who felt he had some right to the illusion and you did something wrong by asking.

Like Coyote said none of them would be so accommodating if a guy in a female avatar went HEY IT'S JUST SL WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? so the hypocrisy is ridiculous.

I don't have any advice for you though as I have always thought SL (and the internet in general) were bad places to find relationships.

Asher Bertrand

Ionno. There are a hell of a lot of things I am RL that I don't disclose in SL because, frankly, it's nobody's business. You either accept what I present you with or don't. I don't believe a stranger or even a new friend is entitled to a CV from me, nor I from them.

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Sooz Pascale

You could try, as Willow suggested, the Duchess or FABGlitter. Both clubs however are transgendered friendly, if we make you uncomfortable.

Also...intelligent? hillarious? literate? Send THEM to the Duchess or FAB, I'm single and I dont care a bit whether or not someone has a penis or not in either SL or RL.

Sooz

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Nothing sickens me more than the closed door of a library - Barbara Tuchman

Sarah Nerd

FYI I love your new avi Sooz! Very sexy!

Brenda Archer

I'm mostly with Joshua on this one. I am pretty much me in SL. I tried the fantasy relationship thing and got badly burned by it, and it seems like a waste of time to me now. YMMV. But I have made friends in SL I now know in RL which is great.

If the RL gender of your SL partner matters to you, that's your right and it seems wrong to me for someone to lie to you about it when you ask outright.

Gender doesn't matter to me, but marital status does - I don't do people who are partnered in RL if I can help it.

Colette Meiji

*Big 's for Sola*

If I remember right you even have a "guys can be friends only" on your 1st life tab in your profile. He should have excused himself from anything sexy after reading that.

Least you found out early.

Maybe we can hook your new sorta friend up with my ex Second Life wife/husband whatever the fuck he is.

Roxie Marten

I believe it still says "Your World Your Imagination" when you first sign up for SL.
What ever their game is that is fine by me. I don't look for RL stuff in a make believe world.

I think you will drive yourself nuts if you are expecting avatars to match what they are in the real world.

Considering 90% of the avatars I meet are 20 years old and perfect physical specimens.

__________________
"I don't have low self-esteem. I have low esteem for everyone else"


Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Colette Meiji

Well there is that.

But there are also people who make it clear what they prefer right off, but the would-be paramour goes and pursues the online relationships anyway.

When said paramour could easily just stop being so flirty and back away. They wouldn't even have to identify the reason.

-------------------------------------

Same thing for those who only want to date people who are single in real life...

Married people who know their would be online lover doesn't want someone who is married IRL but pursue the relationship anyway are in the wrong.

Lewis Luminos

SL is a weird mixed-up place. On the one hand you've got people who think that RL gender and SL gender don't matter, if the relationship is all within SL. On the other hand you've got people to who it does matter. Now if you could somehow arrange for people in group A to hook up with other people in group A, and people in group B to hook up with other people in group B, then everyone would be happy.

I find myself in a doubly difficult situation, being transgendered. Straight girls and gay guys don't want to know because my RL body is biologically female (even though it doesn't look like it). Lesbian girls and straight guys don't want to know because my avatar, and my outward appearance in RL, is male.

Me personally, being bisexual, I don't really mind either way. I guess it's a good thing that I'm not in any hurry for a serious going-to-RL-relationship. But a half-serious, SL-only one would be nice...

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-- Just Add Ginger -- -- Plurk -- -- last.fm -- -- flickr --

Polymorphous

Not me.

Aw hell, I had to learn some lessons about honesty in SL the hard way myself.

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-Polymorphous Projects in SL

Cincia Singh

This is my take on SL/RL as well. Color me old fashioned, but for me a RL relationship has to start in RL. I am SL partnered, but it's strictly platonic. I prefer to accept my SL friends exactly as they wish me to because, after all, it's their SL too.

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"Let the sun shine where I lay, keep me young so I may play, and most of all, bless the people I adore, and guard me from the dog next-door." A kitten's prayer.

Lewis Luminos

I mostly agree with this, although I can imagine that I'd be open to starting a relationship online were I not already in one in RL. One thing I can't imagine myself ever doing in SL is pixel-bumping. I just don't get the appeal of that at all.

RandoymRandt

I know, it's old hearing this from me but...

...lookie at my baby girl there (my AV). She came from a relationship that started on SL and went to RL. Now we're getting married Jan 14th...real life married (we never did bother to get SL married, actually).

It happens.

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~I believe in love and being released from the tyranny of sim lines.~

Brenda Connolly

It can be a lot of fun and surprisingly stimulating. it's almost like being in an erotic novel if both participants are imaginative and literate. It can also be a sort of enhanced role play. No different than any other sexual fantsies most of us have.

I'm also of the mind that I am not going to develop a real life romantic relationship from SL, it just is not my way, but as just shown above it can happen. Nothing wrong with it if that is what you want.

Cincia Singh

Being in an accommodating mood for eroticism is kind of rare for me, both RL and SL, but it does happen. However "pixel bumping" and the kind of wam-bam-thank-you-mam casual sex it brings to mind doesn't sound like much fun, does it? People who want casual sex shouldn't be fussy about the RL gender they end up playing with.