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**Io Zeno** · 12-11-2008, 04:22 PM

Oh, there was another review that had me in hysterics, I wish I could find it. And a deconstruction of the book showing how influenced it is by her Mormanism.

Yes, the book is very bad, heh. Honestly it was so boring and badly written I couldn't get through it.

**Io Zeno** · 12-11-2008, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natalie P.

Twilight means never having to say you're kidding.

lol, in the Shinga parody occasionally she will lift a line out of the books and say (this is an actual sentence from the book).

I think my favorite was "you are intoxicated by my presence" lol.

Asher Bertrand · 12-11-2008, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Io Zeno

lol, in the Shinga parody occasionally she will lift a line out of the books and say (this is an actual sentence from the book).

I think my favorite was "you are intoxicated by my presence" lol.

Sounds like role play gone wrong.

Circe Timtam · 12-11-2008, 04:28 PM

I have no desire to see the movie, but I did read all the books and while I won't be calling them great works of literature, they were entertaining. I have come to realize that I will read damn near anything when I am in a voracious reading mood, but badly done TV or film sets my teeth on edge and the True Blood series is one that I cannot stomach. SO, knowing this about myself, there is no way in hell I will be seeing Twilight.

ETA: I found the Twilight books far less irritating than Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake series which are "sexsexsex ZOMG vampires! sexsexsex ZOMG werepeople! sexsexsex ZOMG zombies!"

And it's not even well written sexsexsex either...

**Io Zeno** · 12-11-2008, 04:29 PM

omg, I found it!!

not overburdened with subject - I want to beat Edward Cullen with a stick.

**Io Zeno** · 12-11-2008, 04:31 PM

In part, lol:

This line had me laughing until I literally cried. yes, she likes those adjectives:

Quote:

He looked frustrated, annoyed, euphoric, scared, nervous, grumpy, amused, sleepy, and sad. Like an archangel come down from heaven to bless me with his presence.

Oops, I didn't mean to copy past the whole thing, lol.

Go read it:

http://otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html

Asher Bertrand · 12-11-2008, 04:55 PM

OK, one thing I had to wonder about. Who is this guy who goes around sucking the bludz of teenagers to build his weird little family, then apparently matching them up with other, er, sucklings he brings into the fold. I mean... ew? I guess the author really is Mormon, because that guy liked to bring them young. And Edward was actually 100 or so when he started lusting after a, how old was she? 16-year-old? Ew?

Asher Bertrand · 12-11-2008, 04:59 PM

Aaaah! I can't read this at work cuz'n I'm hurting too much trying to hold the laughter in.

Quote:

My heart beat madly in my chest, bounced up into my throat, ricocheted off half a dozen ribs, and finally settled somewhere in the vicinity of my kneecap. I collapsed.

Faster than a speeding bullet, Edward had lifted me in his marble arms and cradled me to his granite chest. “Bella? Bella!” he screamed. “No!”

The sight of his perfect, glorious face so twisted in anguish sent waves of torture through my body. “Edward!” I gasped.

His cold, unyielding lips pressed to mine, but I dared not move for fear of breaking his control, so irresistible did he find the scent of my blood. I could not bear knowing I had caused Edward pain by forcing him to eat me. My heart fluttered around my kneecap.

Cindy Claveau · 12-11-2008, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Io Zeno

Go read it:

not overburdened with subject - I want to beat Edward Cullen with a stick.

I am not worthy!

Quote:

And, because I am going to laugh at Edward Cullen for the rest of my life - because why, if you are immortal and so gorgeous that women faint at the sight of you, would you enroll in high school? wouldn't you have better things to do with your time?

Malachi · 12-11-2008, 05:28 PM

It seems like I'm going to have to start looking at my kid's independent reading choices more than I have been.

Quote:

Originally Posted by avphibes

But, for reals, Stephanie Meyer make J.K Rowling and Anne Rice look like Nobokov and Dostoyevsky.

Damn, damn, damn! Most parents blanch at the books and films that I have exposed my daughter to. But lurving bad writing is wholly unacceptable.

**Mabb Dilweg** · 12-11-2008, 10:09 PM

must. not. read. this. thread. at. work.

Chip Midnight · 12-11-2008, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sophia Tantalus

She and Orson Scott Card make it look not quite so wacky

Or wackier, depending on how you look at it. My favorite Mormons would have to be the lo-fi minimalist rock band Low. In fact I think I'll go post some in the What Are You Listening To? thread.

Richie Waves · 12-12-2008, 05:12 AM

God dam you all! what's wrong with sparkly vampires?

Natalie P. · 12-12-2008, 09:45 AM

/me wonders if she should post links to the Growing Up Cullen blogs and really make Mabb's head explode....

Asher Bertrand · 12-12-2008, 09:47 AM

Dooooo iiiiiit!

Natalie P. · 12-12-2008, 09:57 AM

Growing Up Cullen, Part 1.

Asher Bertrand · 12-12-2008, 10:09 AM

Quote:

i bet he went through a phase where he knitted shit

Quote:

[info]saint_renegade: CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM SCRAPBOOKING?
[info]oxymoronassoc: YEAH I CAN
[info]oxymoronassoc: ALL SPREAD OUT ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR
[info]oxymoronassoc: SUPER INTENSE
[info]saint_renegade: ~HUNTING TRIPS~
[info]oxymoronassoc: CUTTING OUT SNOW ANGELS AND SHIT
[info]oxymoronassoc: GOING TO GET STICKERS THAT MATCHED
[info]saint_renegade: WHERE ARE MAH STICKERS!!!!!
[info]oxymoronassoc: EMMETT WOULD STEAL THEM
[info]oxymoronassoc: "LOOK AT THIS SHIT IT'S A BATHTUB STICKER? WHO THE FUCK NEEDS THAT?"

**Mabb Dilweg** · 12-12-2008, 11:35 AM

It's Ok I am not at work any more, and I have learned NOT to drink while reading this thread.....

Natalie P. · 12-12-2008, 12:56 PM

Bwah!

Oh, Hot Topic, don't ever stop.

Asher Bertrand · 12-12-2008, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natalie P.

Bwah!

Oh, Hot Topic, don't ever stop.

Kill, THIS is what I want.

Eirik · 12-12-2008, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miriel Enfield

From that review comes this quote:

Oh my god. Oh. My. God.

That's real? The book's actually written like that? My god. I didn't think writing like that actually existed -- not outside of parody, anyway.

I'm sure I've read writing like that before.

Oh right ... in crappy Harry Potter Slash fiction written by horny teenage geekgirls.

Guess that explains why they like the books.

Asher Bertrand · 12-16-2008, 04:37 PM

This fanfic is full of WIN. In fact, it rises win to a whole new level.

Quote:

Plot – what if Bella was the daughter of Bruce Wayne? What if like her father is hero? What if Charlie Swan was a friend of the family? What if Bella had a gift? What if that gift was change into any animal? What if?

No point of view

Chapter one

The truth is out

I watched as Alice hit the ball and with a small gasp, Edward’s head snapped up and starred at her and Edward ran to me.

“What is Alice?” Carlisle asked.

“Three vampires and a man with make up as a clown” I let out a small gasp The Joker and I had to call my father before he got here “They will be in 5 minutes” Alice said and another gasp escaped my lips. I looked at the Cullens and then at Edward. Edward put his arm around me as four shapes appeared from the forest. I saw the joker and he was smiling. They got up to us and Edward put me behind his back.

“We thought we heard a game” the black one told us.

“Yes” Carlisle answered.

I’m Laurent, these are Victoria and James my coven, while I don’t who that is?” Laurent said.

“I’m the Joker” he said and I knew I would have to show my self to the Cullens. I lifted my head and stared at the joker and he turned to me.

“I’m Carlisle, this is my wife Esme, and these are Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, Alice, Jasper and Bella” I snapped my head up and the vampire named James looked at me. I knew it was coming I would attack first.

“Hey Joker, remember me?” I yelled and I change into a cheetah and growl at him.

“Well, I knew Batman sent someone here but you, Jade I’m surprised and I jumped at him and pushing him to the ground I changed into my human form. My outfit changed to a green suit (Think of Halle outfits in cat woman).

“Never step foot near my friends again” I backed from and Joker starting laughing.

“Did you threaten me Jade, you don’t have the power to defect me?” Joker said.

“Oh but I do” I looked up and saw batman there glaring at Joker “Jade, get out of here” he shouted and flew down and landed next to me, the three vampires look scared.

“Bat, I will run but keep in mind I’m a shape swifter not a runner” I said and he nodded.

“Get out of here” he shouted and started to attack the Joker and I walked back and Edward grabbed me.

“You didn’t tell me?” he said and I looked away, I changed into a Leopard and ran away, I couldn’t face them because I’m a freak of nature, I ran I felt someone following me and I stopped and turned to see all the Cullens there, I changed.

Bella” Esme said stepping forward and I took a step back.

“Why?” I asked.

“Why what?” Edward asked.

“Why do you even want to be near me, I’m a freak of nature, I’m not even Charlie’s daughter I’m Bruce Wayne’s daughter and Lara Croft’s” I fell to my knees and I felt strong arms around me.

Aisuru Rieko · 12-16-2008, 05:20 PM

I need a "wtf" button now, more than ever.

Lianne Marten · 12-16-2008, 10:22 PM

All the hilarity in this thread is tainted because it's about that awful awful book. I laugh, then feel the darkness creep a bit futher into my soul.

Ewan Took · 12-19-2008, 08:19 AM

Sounds like Mills & Boon or Sweet Valley Hill repackaged with vegetarian emo vampires. Nothing new here. Anne Rice for little girls.

12-11-2008, 04:28 PM	#54 (permalink)
Circe Timtam sets you up the bomb. Can you hear the drums, Fernando? Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near KC, KS Posts: 1,292 My Mood: SL Join Date: 3-20-2006	I have no desire to see the movie, but I did read all the books and while I won't be calling them great works of literature, they were entertaining. I have come to realize that I will read damn near anything when I am in a voracious reading mood, but badly done TV or film sets my teeth on edge and the True Blood series is one that I cannot stomach. SO, knowing this about myself, there is no way in hell I will be seeing Twilight. ETA: I found the Twilight books far less irritating than Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake series which are "sexsexsex ZOMG vampires! sexsexsex ZOMG werepeople! sexsexsex ZOMG zombies!" And it's not even well written sexsexsex either... __________________ . . . Lady Circe the Shade, Horror of the Righteous, Destroyer of Lives, Oppressor of the Damned, Hated Ruler of Those For Whom all Hope is Lost and Murderess of The Lost. Her Name is Legend Amongst The Scores of Doomed Who Have Had the Misfortune to Cross Her Path. - My Holy Trout of Troutlandia Evol Title!

12-11-2008, 10:09 PM	#61 (permalink)
Mabb Dilweg .~the Divine Ms M~. SLU Supporter Accepting Homage Now Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,593 My Mood: SL Join Date: June 2006 Blog Entries: 4	must. not. read. this. thread. at. work. __________________ Troutlandish Testemonials from the Tyrant of Troutlandia: Mad Mabb Dilweg the Impaler. Ruler of the Demon's Keep Pride of Satan and Punisher of the Weak. She Whose Madness is Feared Throughout the World and Whose Violence Freezes The Greatest Warriors in Horror. I am giving you a 7.3 on the Trout Recreawhoosits Slut Rating Contraption. You are just shy of being a complete slut, but you clearly have one hiding within. So, congratulations and shame on you! You are a bit of a slut, but only in the best possible definition of the word. DJ Schedule \| Flickr Stuffs \| Last.FM

12-12-2008, 05:12 AM	#63 (permalink)
Richie Waves Joie de vivre! Is Three apples Tall Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Between Iraq and Israel Posts: 8,992 SL Join Date: 27/06/2005	God dam you all! what's wrong with sparkly vampires? __________________ My lastfm Oooh, Betty! the cat did a shit in the hat

12-16-2008, 10:22 PM	#74 (permalink)
Lianne Marten Cheese Baron It's a brand new day, the sun is high. Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: All the birds are singing that you're gonna die. Posts: 1,478 My Mood: SL Join Date: 5/6/2004	All the hilarity in this thread is tainted because it's about that awful awful book. I laugh, then feel the darkness creep a bit futher into my soul. __________________ I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you... I love you. With all my heart, I love you. -Valerie

12-19-2008, 08:19 AM	#75 (permalink)
Ewan Took Quack! ............ Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: ......... Posts: 2,861	Sounds like Mills & Boon or Sweet Valley Hill repackaged with vegetarian emo vampires. Nothing new here. Anne Rice for little girls. __________________ "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."

12-11-2008, 04:22 PM	#51 (permalink)
Io Zeno Gone SLU Supporter Stoking the fires of Hell Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 17,021 My Mood: Blog Entries: 1 Awards: 1	Oh, there was another review that had me in hysterics, I wish I could find it. And a deconstruction of the book showing how influenced it is by her Mormanism. Yes, the book is very bad, heh. Honestly it was so boring and badly written I couldn't get through it.

12-11-2008, 04:29 PM	#55 (permalink)
Io Zeno Gone SLU Supporter Stoking the fires of Hell Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 17,021 My Mood: Blog Entries: 1 Awards: 1	omg, I found it!! not overburdened with subject - I want to beat Edward Cullen with a stick.

12-11-2008, 04:55 PM	#57 (permalink)
Asher Bertrand Dead Guy Creaking watermelons Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 6,701 My Mood: Blog Entries: 2	OK, one thing I had to wonder about. Who is this guy who goes around sucking the bludz of teenagers to build his weird little family, then apparently matching them up with other, er, sucklings he brings into the fold. I mean... ew? I guess the author really is Mormon, because that guy liked to bring them young. And Edward was actually 100 or so when he started lusting after a, how old was she? 16-year-old? Ew?

12-12-2008, 09:47 AM	#65 (permalink)
Asher Bertrand Dead Guy Creaking watermelons Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 6,701 My Mood: Blog Entries: 2	Dooooo iiiiiit!

12-12-2008, 09:57 AM	#66 (permalink)
Natalie P. Over and out Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 2,344 SLShopper Ads: 8 SL Join Date: 11/2006 Blog Entries: 1	Growing Up Cullen, Part 1.

12-12-2008, 11:35 AM	#68 (permalink)
Mabb Dilweg .~the Divine Ms M~. SLU Supporter Accepting Homage Now Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,593 My Mood: SL Join Date: June 2006 Blog Entries: 4	It's Ok I am not at work any more, and I have learned NOT to drink while reading this thread.....

12-12-2008, 12:56 PM	#69 (permalink)
Natalie P. Over and out Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 2,344 SLShopper Ads: 8 SL Join Date: 11/2006 Blog Entries: 1	Bwah! Oh, Hot Topic, don't ever stop.

12-16-2008, 05:20 PM	#73 (permalink)
Aisuru Rieko Came here for an argument It's being hit-on-the-head lessons in here Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: US Posts: 737 My Mood: SL Join Date: 1/18/08 Business: Beloved XBOX Leaderboard: 29^th	I need a "wtf" button now, more than ever.

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