Io Zeno

It's a lovely day after yesterday's storm, the bagels I bought are so fresh they are still warm and I'm done with jury duty without getting picked once.

So what's going on in this thread?

A Neko

I'm just doing my kegals

Io Zeno

TMI

Bard Jameson

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Phoenix Psaltery

You had a nice rhyme scheme going initially, but it broke down after line 3. May I try?

It's a lovely day after yesterday's storm
The bagels I bought are so fresh they're still warm
I'm done with jury duty without getting picked
And Mero might just get his ass kicked by Cris.



P2

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Phoenix Psaltery

Incidentally, Arilynn, if you do happen to be interested in a TDD, I know that some states (as mentioned many times before, Arkansas is the one I am familiar with) have programs that assist members of the HI community in obtaining TDD units. Many's the time I interpreted for deaf clients at the local ODHI (Office of the Deaf and Hearing Impaired) in Fayetteville for people who were in need of assistance going back to school or getting vocational training, and many times we'd arrange for them to receive a TDD.

When I was a teenager, my parents had a huge mailbox sized Western Union surplus TTY printer that my mother painted sky blue and decorated with grapevine decals. Jesus, that thing was loud. Which I guess didn't matter to my folks.

These days most of the deaf people I knew in NWA use texting for their ordinary communications. I guess it's like that where you live, too.

Too bad that doesn't work with calling soulless major corporations.

P2

Trout Recreant

I'm not saying this conversation ever actually happened...because it didn't. But I imagine it going something like this:


Poor Customer Service Lady: Hello, Thank you for calling United. This call may be monitored for customer quality assurance. How may I help you?

Trout: Mmmmfffm. Mrrmgh mmmflle

Poor Customer Service Lady: I'm sorry sir, I didn't understand.

Trout: GULP... Yes, hello. I'm sorry. You caught me with my mouth full. God, I love Chalupas. Listen, I'm headed to Vegas for the big Donut and BBQ convention next month. Have you heard of it?

Poor Customer Service Lady: No sir

Trout: It's fabulous. They have this special BBQ sauce made out of mayonnaise and sugar... but that's not my point. I'll be flying United and I have a question about your contract of carriage.

Poor Customer Service Lady: Our what?

Trout: Contract of carriage. It's the contract thing that you have that says if my ass is to fat you can make me buy two seats.

Poor Customer Service Lady: I've never heard of it.

Trout: It's a contract. There are no carriages in it, so maybe it's really old, from when you guys were United Stage Coach and Carriage Lines or something.

Poor Customer Service Lady: Sir, I'm not sure we were ever...

Trout: I just want to know if I'm going to have to buy two seats. Can you tell me how big your seats are?

Poor Customer Service Lady: Well, I think they are different in different planes.

Trout: I'm flying on United Flight 2493, on a 737-A Seat C, Row 25. How big is that seat?

Poor Customer Service Lady: I don't know...maybe I can...

Trout: Measure it? That would be great. Do you need to put me on hold while you go out to the hangar and give it a quick measure?

Poor Customer Service Lady: I was going to say maybe my supervisor knows.

Trout: Why? Is his ass fat? Don't answer that, this call is being monitored. I don't want to get you in trouble. But it is, isn't it? His ass? fat. I bet it's HUGE. Just tap the phone once for huge, twice for massive. It will be our little code. He'll never know.

Poor Customer Service Lady: Sir.

Trout: So, how big is the seat?

Poor Customer Service Lady: I really don't know.

Trout: Well, maybe I could tell you the size of my ass and you could estimate whether it will fit.

Poor Customer Service Lady: I don't think...

Trout: Circumference or diameter? Which is easier?

Poor Customer Service Lady: Circumference or diameter?

Trout: Let's go circumference. I'm a 40 waist. Is that too fat?

Poor Customer Service Lady: I really don't know.

Trout: Maybe I could crank my belt really tight. I'd hate to miss my flight over this. There's a tribute to Lyndon Johnson this year. Not many people know this, but he was a HUGE fan of BBQ and donuts.

Poor Customer Service Lady: I had no idea.

Trout: So, what's the consensus? Two seats or one?

Poor Customer Service Lady: I think it has something to do with armrests...

Trout: No problem, my arms are well rested. HAH! I made a funny. No, seriously, if my ass is too fat, I'll just leave them up.

Poor Customer Service Lady: That's not what I meant.

Trout: Say, I had an idea. You guys fly that route every day, right?

Poor Customer Service Lady: Yes.

Trout: Why don't I just drive up to the airport, and when it lands, I'll hop on and try the seat on for size. It's really no bother. I can stop at McDonalds on the way.

Poor Customer Service Lady:Airport security isn't going to allow...

Trout: I'll get right off when I'm through.

Poor Customer Service Lady: No sir, they really won't let you...

Trout: I'll be no bother. I promise. I'll just sit in the seat, see if I fit, and then if I'm not wedged in place, hop off and go to the food court.

Poor Customer Service Lady: It's really against regulations...

Trout: You've been a great help! I'll see you at the airport this evening! Bye now!

A Neko

if you have a 40" waist, your hips and ass is probably about 50"... so you probably weight about 315lbs. If you think you're going to fit in an airplane seat, LMFAO!!! Well we can lube you up.

Trout Recreant

Look! Up there in the sky. Way over your pointy little head! It's my post whizzing past. Jesus! You're not just vicious and narrow minded; you're also a blithering idiot.

I weigh considerably more than I should, but considerably less than 315. So far, so good on the flying. I completely made up everything in my post above. I don't know how to make it more clear than that. Total fiction.

Ann Launay

You know how, towards the end of the movie Speed, they wedge down the gas pedal, tie off the steering wheel in some manner, and then let the bus careen across the airport tarmac while they escape out the bottom? I imagine something like that, but with grilled cheese sandwiches instead of sensible fleeing.

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Asher Bertrand

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Io Zeno

You couldn't be more wrong.

Arilynn

Thanks, P2.

I don't even know any deaf/hoh who own a TDD/TTY. I think IR and VRS have mostly replaced TDD as they are expensive, cumbersome, and single use. And all the people I have already have a computer. I have thought about getting a video phone as I can sign faster than I can type, but that is expensive and there are limitations to it as well.

In theory, IR should be sufficient. But it is a great example of a technological solution being limited by human response. I gave up on cold calling after many, many frustrating times when I just wanted to beg the person not to hang up...but they hang up before I even have a chance or hung up anyway. I don't know of anyone who frequently relies on IR who hasn't had this experience.

The idea that this is an old problem has been solved by TDD/TTY is also a great example of someone lacking a basic understanding of what another may have to encounter in simply trying to live their life. Unfortunately, this is problem for more than deaf/hoh people, as parts of this thread have illustrated.

A Neko

No I'm not, I beat this. The Idiot Test - Free Life & Style Game from AddictingGames

Asher Bertrand

Io Zeno

Well no, I'm sure she can.

If you are apple shaped, you put weight on in your stomach, not your hips and thighs. This makes your waist size bigger even if you are small waisted like myself and is no reflection on your overall weight or size.

Next ignorant comment?

Surreal

So far, your arguments are specious.

Just out of curiosity, I called United today and spoke to a reservation agent about a flight to NYC. I asked what the dimensions of the seat were and they weren't able to tell me because they don't guarantee the particular plane style and therefore, can't tell you which seat size of several you'll encounter.

The only way to tell if you can't put the armrests down is to get on the plane and try it.

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Io Zeno

No that is needs meds crazy, I'm afraid.

A Neko

If your waist is larger than your hips you have some proportion issues and yes you need to go on a diet because you are at risk for cardiovascular disease. I guess smoking and eatting Big Macs is more worth it than heart disease and having a heart attack at 40.

Asher Bertrand

It is not an either/or, Io!

Io Zeno

You have reading comprehension issues, dear.

Surreal

Some of us just get that you're being your usual self and that debating with you is about as useful as talking to my cat.

Also, I'm finalizing packing for my trip.

Trout Recreant

Well, at least you didn't argue against being vicious and narrow minded. Since every idiot I know is convinced, notwithstanding overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that they are geniuses, I'm going to assume that's the case with you, and rather than burst your bubble, I'll let you go on under the delusion that you are not an idiot.

Lucifer Baphomet

Cris could you unlock this thread please, I'm sure everyone will be OK with you unlocking it

WTF is wrong with A Neko

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Jessica Robertson

About 2 years ago on ebay there was an auction to name a previously undiscovered species of bat.

The bid was well over 5,000.

I was VERY tempted, and I mean, really, very tempted to put in a bid.

The name of the new species I would would have selected would have been "Baseball"

This is the "Baseball Bat" ^^

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This thread has gone horribly wrong...

- Tya