Ann Launay

According to the jewelry commercials I see, all women want are diamonds...they won't actually know whether they want to spend their lives with a man until he gives them (at least) one, and they may change their minds about the whole 'life' thing at some point unless he gives them more later on.

Personally, I prefer opals and aquamarines, so I'll probably never find 'The One.'

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Lo Jacobs

Guess what, you misunderstood. It was a criticism, yes. Can you back your assertion up, please? Do you have a concrete example of this happening? Can you tell us about it? I'm curious. I'm sure other people would like to hear about it too.

You still are missing the issue. You made a point, and then you didn't back it up with any specifics. You specified a "type" of woman and just sat back and expected the rest of us to agree with you on it. I'd like to know more.

If all you can do when responding to criticism is accuse me of a) holding a grudge (which I wasn't) and b) of defending women at all costs, then we're going to have a tough time communicating.

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MY STORE//MY BLOG//FLICKR//EMAIL

Briar Bing

I love opals.

But then, I have always been fascinated by iridescent things.

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The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
~Mark Twain

Ann Launay

Gah, Starship Troopers flashback!

Ann Launay

So you liked Twilight then?

Beebo Brink

The whole swooning scenario that Madhu described for women enamored of a fantasy figure touches on an underlying sexual dynamic which is difficult to unravel from the emotional dynamics of a relationship.

In the context of a sexual encounter, there is often a strong draw to one role or the other of a top/bottom or aggessive/response pattern. The fantasy figure of an arrogant, domineering man touches directly on that very narrow context: what you might like in the confines and intimacy of the bedroom is not necessarily a pattern everyone wants to extend outside to their daily lives. But it's not always so easy to be dominant sexually and then flip a switch and not carry that attitude into other aspects of the relationship. And the erotic reward may make partners put up with behavior that doesn't please them at other times.

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Natalie P.

Does Briar need some of the Hot Topic glitter?

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"Here I am once more in this scene of dissipation and vice, and I begin already to find my morals corrupted." - Jane Austen

Behold the pretties.

Beau Perkins

No Lo I have nothing to back it up. It never happened. There are no woman in the world who are interested in image and money. No woman have ever put on an act to land a guy. No woman have ever decieved a guy. Woman are always the victim. Only guys lie. Woman never do.


Sounds insane?

Well by putting up this argument this is what you are trying to say.

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Lo Jacobs

Okay, so you don't have any first-hand examples or specifics. Got it.

CrossingStyx

Beau, actually, women lie all the time. So do men. My point with the deception was directed at both sexes, because I feel like up to a point, it's just you being used, but at some point it gets so bad that a person is essentially willfully ignoring all the clues. Regardless of which sex is involved.

This is what I meant by being willing to be deceived. Frequently if one wants something badly enough, they are willing to "overlook things" to a point that is just ludicrous.

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Why can't anyone explain to me why it's ok to ban smoking because it's a health hazard to non-smokers, but it's not OK to mark/identify people with STDs to prevent their transmission to people who aren't infected?

Beau Perkins

And if you want a concrete example I will have Ash get in here as soon as she gets home. Her brother thought he was marrying a great woman. Once they were married it all changed, she changed the demands.

Next thing he knew she was fucking her boss and filing for a divorce.

She walked away with a nice chunk of change and half of a house he purchased 2 years before they were married.

No he didn't WANT this as Crossing claims, he is a decent guy who wanted a family.

She is a gold digging bitch.

CrossingStyx

My crazy as shit ex-wife probably qualifies, but A) that's very personal information for a forum board, and B) being not a door-mat, as soon as I figured out it the relationship had turned abusive I took steps to rectify it (hence the ex, part).

CrossingStyx

Does anyone else understand what I'm saying about the whole want thing, or am I being completely unclear?

Carter-Madhu

This touches on another thing I have trouble understanding, which is people who elect to take on a dominant or submissive role exclusively within a relationship (both sexually and in other aspects of the relationship). I know that people do this but in talking to people about it I have never been able to get my mind around it. (I recognize that everyone's different, but there are some differences it's harder for me to imagine wearing for myself, if that makes sense.)

What you describe, Beebo, of gravitating toward a top/bottom or an aggressive/response pattern, certainly has been a component of my own sexual experience. But, I've never been exclusively one or the other - not overall, not within a single relationship, and preferably not even within a single encounter.

What it comes down to is that what turns me on, especially in thinking about encounters with women, is absolute balance and equality. I may feel like seducing and dominating at first, but after my partner catches her breath I want her to want to return the favor. Oh, and vice versa. Not just within a relationship overall, but even within a single sexual encounter. Even my fantasies gravitate toward that kind of balance.

Apologies if this has gone a little afield of the original topic; it's something that's been on my mind for a while anyhow and the opportunity to discuss it is pretty nice.

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Beau Perkins

Lo it happens. Are you denying the things that shitty people will do for money?

I can tell you a story about a guy I work with who uses older women just for the gifts. He refused to date woman his age or younger.

There are people who do terrible stuff for money.....yes they will even destroy someone elses life to accomplish what they want.

CrossingStyx

Wait, I feel lost. Are we even talking about the OP at this point with the whole using people for stuffs vibe?

Beau Perkins

Crossing I understand I just do not agree. Some people are good liars, and others are not very good at reading it. People honestly get fooled.

I hate that everytime I disagree with you have to make comments that I dont understand. No I do understand, I just think you are wrong. WHo does understand in your eyes? Just those who agree?

In some cases maybe people over look things, that is what you are saying. I am saying, I think just as often people are just fooled.

Briar Bing

I don't know that most people decide upon a role in a relationship.

It's not like a relationship forms in five minutes.

I think it's a result of the dynamics that will develop between any two given people, more than it is consciously, self-assigned roles. Which is why it's so hard to pin down and correct (for lack of a better word).

CrossingStyx

Jesus fucking christ.

I don't post shit like that to call you an idiot. I've done that before in other threads. It was overt. There was no place for miscommunication. And if I do it again, you and everyone else will know.

I posted that to see if I was being unclear in general. I don't always communicate effectively. When I'm having a conversation with people, if I'm not getting the words to mean what I want them to mean, I can tell. I can explain it multiple ways, until I have communicated precisely the meaning I want. On the internet it's like pissing my name in the snow. I leave it there, and hope the next guy sees what I wrote through all the dribbles.

Chip Midnight

Madhu, that's so spot on for how I feel about sexual roles in a relationship. I can't imagine wanting to be exclusively the dominant or the submissive, or not seeing the greater (to me) desirability of a meeting of equals. This is why the whole BDSM thing is mostly incomprehensible to me (no offense intended to anyone whose boat it floats).

Lo Jacobs

No, I get what you're saying. Sometimes people pursue a goal and miss things that they might otherwise see if they weren't so enamored with their goal. It's a common thing. A lot of people do see their partner through rose-colored glasses. That goes for both women and men.

Beau, I never denied it. I was curious about your personal experiences with this type as I think that it is rare and not at all as calculating as you make it seem. A person that calculating would have to be near sociopathic. I do believe that there are women like this and it's too bad about your brother-in-law.

It's true there are many marriages where a (much younger) woman is married to a (very rich) man and it's obvious who benefits from what, but usually they at least like each other.

Beau Perkins

LOL no, I made a point and accidently took over.

However, I am going home. Please revert back to the original topic.

CrossingStyx

I think you hit it on the head using sociopathy. Whether it's a developed or natural form of it (I think you can develop sociopathic tendacies, but the shrinks here can prove me wrong) I feel like to run a scam (which is essentially what it is) of that nature long term one must have those types of traits. Otherwise it's just too personal of a thing to do.

Chip Midnight

I think this thread has helped me see what my problem is. Clearly, I'm a lesbian.

Beau Perkins

Why didn't yu just say so? Geez.