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Old 02-11-2018, 12:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Cloning Jesus

Oy, gevalt...


Scientists Are Trying To Clone Jesus Christ From DNA
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A billionaire-funded Christian organization is currently working to clone Jesus Christ after obtaining DNA from the Shroud of Turin and feel confident they will have a Jesus clone in 2016.

“The Jesus Has Returned Project is a private organization devoted to bringing about the Second Coming of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, as prophesied in the Bible,” the The Jesus Has Returned Project spokesman said. “Our intention is to clone Jesus, utilizing techniques pioneered at the Genetic Research Group in Switzerland, by taking an incorrupt cell from the Shroud of Turin, extracting its DNA, and inserting into an unfertilized human egg (oocyte), though the now-proven biological process called symbiotic cellular transfer. The fertilized egg, now the zygote of Jesus Christ, will be implanted into the womb of a young virginal woman (who has volunteered of her own accord), who will then bring the baby Jesus to term in a second Virgin Birth.”
I guess things didn't work out as well as they planned, unless they have toddler Jesus in hiding somewhere, biding their time until they get his potty training out of the way.
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Old 02-11-2018, 12:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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this won't end well

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Old 02-11-2018, 12:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Or they clone a conman from the early Renaissance.
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Old 02-11-2018, 12:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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So, the annoying part of this.

Lets say, hypothetically, they have Jesus DNA.

Lets say the process works, and a baby is born.

Its not like this kid is going to have any memory or upbringing of actual Jesus. Anything he is taught will be done by this group, it will be Conformation Bias Jesus, as the absolute best case scenario.
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Old 02-11-2018, 12:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Posted On February 4, 2018

feel confident they will have a Jesus clone in 2016

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Old 02-11-2018, 12:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Good news: the cloning process worked.
Bad news: Jesus was a bit less...WASPy than they anticipated.
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Old 02-11-2018, 01:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
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A billionaire-funded Christian organization...
Does not compute. Why didn't that billionaire Christian use their money to help the poor and downtrodden? The bible has something to say about rich men and an eye of a needle.

Also...aren't these types usually vehemently against messing with the natural order? One would think they would object mightily to cloning.
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Old 02-11-2018, 01:54 PM   #8 (permalink)
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If this works that means I could have my own personal jesus!!!!

Someone to hear my prayers!!!

Someone who's there!!!
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Old 02-11-2018, 01:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
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If this works that means I could have my own personal jesus!!!!

Someone to hear my prayers!!!

Someone who's there!!!
Nah, you would throw him out because he wouldn't stop being all preachy and nagging about every little sin.

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Old 02-11-2018, 01:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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A billionaire-funded Christian organization is currently working to clone Jesus Christ after obtaining DNA from the Shroud of Turin and feel confident they will have a Jesus clone in 2016.
This has been a plot of several techno and conspiracy thriller novels.
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Old 02-11-2018, 02:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
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modern day jesus

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"turned water into wine, and had an orgy with a table of 12 college girls... their a lot more fun than my original 12..... btw i hate my dad he's always "i created the world in 7 days, when are you going to get a job, and cut your hair"


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Old 02-11-2018, 02:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Oy, gevalt...


Scientists Are Trying To Clone Jesus Christ From DNA


I guess things didn't work out as well as they planned, unless they have toddler Jesus in hiding somewhere, biding their time until they get his potty training out of the way.
Potty training jesus.... thats not wine he's turning water into
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Old 02-11-2018, 02:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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If the Shroud dates back to the 13th century, how can it have the alleged blood of their mythical lord on it?



Shroud of Turin

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No examples of complex herringbone weave are known from the time of Jesus when, in any case, burial cloths tended to be of plain weave.
Checkmate, believers!
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:12 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Headline should have read: Shroud of Turin exposes Alien Conspiracy !
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:14 PM   #15 (permalink)
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*sigh* Why do these 'christians' that try to bring about a return or the end of the world keep needing an atheist to remind them of the line about 'not knowing the date'.
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:07 PM   #16 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=Lady Darnk Juniorette;2447136]If this works that means I could have my own personal jesus!!!!

Someone to hear my prayers!!!

Someone who's there!!![/QUOTE
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:19 PM   #17 (permalink)
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These idiots really believe that their god is going to allow them to bring about The Apocalypse before he is ready for it/wants it to happen.

That isn't how it works. That's not how any of it works.

Besides, it already happened about 2000 years ago.
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:35 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Just a reminder...

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Old 02-11-2018, 05:10 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Forget Jesus, bring back Kahless!
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Old 02-11-2018, 05:39 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Forget Jesus, bring back Kahless!
I want a Vishnu clone. All those arms, the perfect house cleaner.
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Old 02-11-2018, 05:57 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Forget Jesus, bring back Kahless!
They did in an ep somewhere....
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Old 02-11-2018, 06:09 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Bring back everyone Josh Whedon killed!
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Old 02-11-2018, 06:13 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Bring back everyone Josh Whedon killed!
Then firefly would be closer to having a season 2!
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Old 02-11-2018, 06:38 PM   #24 (permalink)
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https://www.snopes.com/religion/clone.asp (from 2007)
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Old 02-11-2018, 06:59 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Even if all this were true, that some entity was trying to clone Jesus, and assuming the project were actually successful, what you'd have is a clone of Christ's body, not the Lord himself. Basically, what you'd have is Jesus' twin brother.

Sorry, I don't think God is going to let humankind bring about the Second Coming. Not like that, anyway.
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