Allana Dion

Please forgive me for not posting names. It's pretty common for search terms to pull SLU posts right to the top of google lists and I'd rather not have it come up for any of the girl's friends and family members if you all don't mind. So please, if you do comment to this post (though I'm not expecting anyone to, I'm really just venting here), do not include names in your posts. Thank you.

Today I found out that a close friend of my daughter's was murdered. She was 21 years old. Her ex-boyfriend beat her and shot her, and left her lying on a road.

She was a beautiful, vibrant young lady, with her life only just beginning. The loss is heartbreaking. I don't think my daughter has even fully accepted the reality of it. I am so angry right now, I can't think. I don't even know how to process it, I don't know how to help my daughter process it.

I can't even imagine what the girl's family is going through right now.

The monster who did it has been arrested and charged and right now I am praying for swift and severe justice.

Please be warned, don't read the link unless you really think you can handle it. It is painfully detailed and possibly triggering for some people.
Slaying victim bore three types of injury » Top Stories » The Joplin Globe, Joplin, MO

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Cindy Claveau

I'm very sorry to hear this, Allana. My thoughts and concern go out to you and your daughter.

Something very similar happened to my daughter several years ago, right when she was leaving home for college. One of her friends was kidnapped from a Target parking lot and found dead, thrown in a trash heap a day later.

It rocked her back on her heels. I took her to a therapist and that helped, and I tried not to scare her too much about being alone at college (even though I was completely scared about what might happen).

But over time, she recovered. She still fondly remembers her friend. She proved to be remarkably resilient, carrying a can of pepper spray and a rape whistle with her at all times and urging her friends to do the same.

I wish I could offer you some good advice, but this is the kind of thing she's going to have to find her way through with your help and the help of other family and friends. Kids ARE resilient, especially if they have a solid, loving support system behind them.

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"As long as there’s one person on earth who remembers you, it isn’t over." - Oscar Hammerstein

Aliselia Aeon

All you can do for your daughter is to be as supportive as possible, to listen, and to make sure she knows it's ok to need to talk to someone who is a professional that can help her process and grieve. She might need to talk about it a great deal, some people process that way. Some people need to not talk about it with loved ones, and that is when a counselor might be helpful. People grieve in their own times and ways. Knowing that there are people who love you and are willing to help-without pushing-helps a great deal.

What can you do for yourself? What can help you? *hugs tightly*

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Aliselia Aeon

I just read the article. I'm so so, sorry. Don't be surprised if you or your daughter have nightmares of images of what happened (from the description) to her. It's normal. Anyone I have ever known who lost someone to violence has had that.

Amelia E

I clearly remember, over 40 years later, the first time one of my friends, someone my own age, died. It wasn't even in close to horrific a situation as your daughter's friend, yet it affected me deeply for a long time. As much as we want to help as parents, all we can really do is be there when they want to talk, give them space when they don't, and understand that they may have delayed reactions to this horror long after you think the worst is over. I feel more sorrow than I can express for the murdered girl's family and friends.

Allana Dion

Right now, besides being incredibly angry, I mostly feel pain for what her mother is going through. I can't even begin to imagine.

Unfortunately, due to things it's not necessary to go into now, our relationship was nonexistent. It would be inappropriate and obtrusive for me to reach out now and I know she has others around her who will be better support. For me to try would simply be confusing and less than helpful.

But my heart hurts for her more than anything else. So if anyone is the praying type, or you prefer sending good thoughts, whatever works for you ... please send it out to her mother and her family. They are the ones suffering. Thank you.

Cindy Claveau

Allana, maybe you're not close enough to feel like you can call or stop by. But what about a sympathy card just to let them know you are thinking about them?

You can better judge the situation than we can, but I know when my Dad passed away the cards I received meant so much to me even if they were from people I barely knew.

Zaida Gearbox

I'm speechless.