SLUniverse Forums

Fade Languish

NP mate

I've been part of two chains of getting your music known, DJing and press, so if there's anything you want to know, just shoot me a message or something.

Fmeh

I just wanted to add:

I definitely don't take lorazepam regularly.

I'm tired of trying to live up to an expectation of being really tough--I'm not. I'm a wuss, quite honestly, and I don't see anything wrong with that either. I'm sure I could punch someone if I really HAD to, but that's just not my thing.

The most major elements I was sick of was having to put an "I'm a badass" shield up all the time with the other band members to deflect the negativity from the others. I thought that sort of crap would be over when I got out of high school--I can't stand that kind of stuff. I wish people in bands would just be DECENT and honest, not just brutally honest and insulting all the time. Everyone has negative things they feel about others, but when it's a constant thing of having to ALWAYS say those kinds of things, it just gets really really old. I like treating people nicely. I don't like being an asshole. I don't like having to BE an asshole in order to not get put down, and that's what I experienced in this band the whole time.

Initially it was really refreshing, the brutal honesty, but after a while, when I REALLY started seeing the cruel and meanness that was coming with it, I just really got turned off. Near the end, I was starting to lash out and say things that I've let build up--I probably SHOULD have been saying some of them the whole time, but to me I shouldn't--unless I really can't stand something that someone is doing, I like to tell people the things that I LIKE about what they're doing in hopes that they'll do it more, and even when I DO say something bad about what someone is doing, I try to back it up with the things I DO like. In this band, I was having to just go into what I didn't like because that's the way everyone communicates in the band, and to not communicate that way is to get squashed.

It completely wore me down.

The good thing out of this, however, is unlike when I quit a band the last time and felt like a loser when I left, I'm leaving this band knowing, truly knowing I have something good to offer.

Another plus side, I'm now down to 210 pounds from 240 about a month and a half ago.

__________________

io Kukulcan

I agree with Arilynn. I used to get really bummed out and obsess on crazy thoughts. Then I started mountain biking, playing soccer, and going to the gym, and now I get such great sleep every night, 'cuz I'm essentially exhausted. But it's that good kind of exhausted.
Try to get in more cardio workouts. I find the weight of the world quickly dissipates when I go on a bike ride.

Ingrid

Running/jogging really helps as Arilynn can attest to. I don't get panic attacks but when I've felt completely stressed out, running has always helped me burn off that panicky feeling and when you're done the endorphins kick in and make you feel zen.

As Sio pointed out, our fight or flight instincts were developed to save us from threats like large animals who were going to eat us. The adrenalin would start flowing, enabling us to run away or deal with said threat. After having outrun the predator, the endorphins are programmed to be released from our little brains to soothe us. But our stressors are no longer large animals chasing us. But if you treat the stressor like one by running or doing strenuous exercise, you will feel better in the end because of the soothing endorphins that happen after you've exerted yourself. Endorphins are natural pain and stress fighters, you just have to do enough physical activity to make them come out.

If this sounds overly simplistic, it's because it probably is. So much of how we feel is caused by chemicals in our brain that we DO have some control over if we just work with the triggers.

I can spend an entire day questioning my existence and then after having gone for a jog, I feel completely fine with everything and wondering how I could have ever felt down earlier on.

Beebo Brink

Most of the advice here appears to be focused on how to manage panic attacks as if they're divorced from any context in your life. I supposed that's a possibility, just some chemical imbalance that needs to be addressed in one way or another, but here's what I heard:

* You don't have enough income to pay for extras
* Your band members are pressuring you for money you don't have, and won't accept skilled labor in lieu of cash
* You don't seem to consider that demand unacceptable

Sounds to me like your body is a lot more sensible than your mind. It's telling you something. Try listening.

__________________

Raindrop Drinkwater

I think this band was not the right one for you.

__________________

Fmeh

It wasn't the right one for me. What is right is me going out and pushing my stuff out there acoustically. I'm loving the sound I've been getting lately, I've really been loving this old 70's Wurlitzer electric piano--it's just made my past couple days quite a bit happier. I have a set I'm putting together that I can start trying to do the local circuit and eventually in Seattle and beyond.

Today was just about normal. I wasn't pacing constantly and I only went through scenarios of how I could have done something better a couple times. I've been working on perfecting some songs for live performance for most of the day. I really want to have something ready to perform Tuesday evening at the Antique Sandwich.

I really truly miss the atmosphere of performing for a more intimate crowd who actually comes to listen instead of coming to "rock out". I'm really looking forward to this. Acoustic is the way I started performing and it seems I've gone full circle. I guess it's my home and it's good to be home. Correction, it's GREAT to be home.

Stormy Weeks

Have you tried beta blockers? They can make you feel calmer but without bad addictive side effects.

As far as this band, you might want to find a different one. It sounds like it might not be a good fit.

Contact your local TV station morning shows. I used to know someone who booked new bands all the time and put them on the weekend morning news. She had a hard time getting people who wanted to come in at 6:00 a.m. on a weekend to play, but they reached 50,000 homes or more and got great exposure.

Brenda Archer

Fmeh, I hope all this gets better

I used to have intermittent panic attacks, and a few of them landed me in the ER, because I felt like I couldn't breathe. Usually then what would happen is they'd give me half a Xanax and I'd fall sound asleep almost instantly. But on the way there the racing thoughts in the background of my mind would have stopped. I tried to recover that mindspace later without the Xanax (I didn't want to have to get a prescription anyway) and that helped a lot - just remembering the calm.

Another thing that helped me was that I read something about how eating fats before going to sleep could trigger off panic attacks in the middle of the night. So I stopped doing that, and it also made a difference. This isn't a very scientific explanation I know, although the article I read did give a sensible reason for it I don't remember well now, having to do with digestion.

I also have some untreated sleep apnea which can cause me to wake up in a panicky feeling trying to breathe. I found that never sleeping on my back helps with that (so the airway stays more open - for a lot of people sleeping on one's back causes the tongue to slip back and the airway to close), probably I should do something more, but so far so good. If I wake up anxious I'll sit and read something lighthearted, until my mind mellows and my breathing is calm.

The other thing I have come to believe, is that there are some people who really are toxic. It's truly damaging to me to be around them, and I can't do it. While I learned how to be more psychologically aggressive to survive when I was very poor, it's not where I want to be all the time. It's a primitive cultural level I don't belong in. I think this is possibly true for you as well.

Beebo is absolutely right, your body is signaling to you. I hope you can find a way to do music and not have to deal with the toxic people.

__________________
Et ses mains ourdiraient les entrailles du prêtre,
Au défaut d’un cordon pour étrangler les rois. - Denis Diderot

caroline ra

I can absolutely agree with this Richie, distraction was one of the main coping tactics I used. Also the suggestion to keep telling yourself that the feelings of terror will pass was another in my coping armoury. No prescription drugs helped, in fact they made me feel worse. I took up smoking herb again and that helped me, but it might not help everyone as it makes some ppl paranoid. I know prescription drugs work for some people but from what Ive experienced its a bit of a hit and miss affair to find the right one for you.

I had severe panic attacks after being hit with PTSD 20+ years after the event, thats really post. The flasbacks and terror attacks completely disabled me for a few years but it passes with time. It does cease at some point, just keep believing that.

Be kind to yourself Fmeh, if something like the bands demands are stressing you then maybe you should think about leaving it.


I really hope you get some peace of mind before too long, these attacks can be exhausting.

Karl Herber

Fmeh, I sent you a reply to this thread by PM. Although you have some awesome advice here already and not much I can think of to add, just, if you ever need someone to talk to that's experienced this sort of thing, drop me an IM.

__________________
Horse Tales - and - Free For Men

Fmeh

Well, I thought I'd say some more about things--since the band has made me an enemy and even threatened to call the police if I dared to try to get my mic back from them because they couldn't take the criticisms that were on par with what I received from them just about every practice because I never sounded harsh or gravelly enough for them. With me, it was about their lack of theory--they claim theory would put them in a box, and when I told them that they're ALREADY IN a box and that theory could bring them out that, they didn't like it very much. They thought they were cutting edge and completely out of a box, and they didn't like hearing anything otherwise. There's nothing wrong with being in a box at times, but to be that pissed off for being told what something is--I'm sorry, that's just lame. Their reaction has been childish and vindictive. Sure, I didn't say it very nicely, but when they go on my forum and start harassing me, I argue with them for 7 pages and then they continue to harass, and I have to ban their IP addresses to keep the hateful messages from happening, it's a little rough to be nice about it.

Another thing that I've recently came to the conclusion is that they're all relatively homophobic. Half their jokes are anti-gay humor. The bass player one time told me about how he and a friend of his burned all their Judas Priest albums in protest when they found out the Halford or whatever his name is did a show wearing pink leather because he was trying to "fem up metal", and acted like I shouldn't have even flinched at him telling me that. It's sad how many people are homophobic and don't realize it. And then at the shows--the clubs I went to. I'm sick of hearing the word "faggot" and "gay" used for everything despicable about someone. I'm just sick of it!

I'm SO glad I left this band now. Why is it that every time I try to prove to myself that I'm not going to quit something is when it's a situation that's unbearable? Okay, so that's me whining.

I just need to make sure I stop surrounding myself with the people I shouldn't.

Brenda Archer

you're right