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Old 02-18-2018, 06:30 PM   #26 (permalink)
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What if you worry that you are just faking it every day but you have been doing it so long you aren't sure if you know how to do it for real anymore?
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:53 PM   #27 (permalink)
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What if you worry that you are just faking it every day but you have been doing it so long you aren't sure if you know how to do it for real anymore?
Maybe if you've been faking it long enough you are doing it for real but because you feel so bad you don't realize it.
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Old 02-20-2018, 06:34 AM   #28 (permalink)
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What if you worry that you are just faking it every day but you have been doing it so long you aren't sure if you know how to do it for real anymore?
I just want to add, I didn't mean faking being depressed, more faking giving a shit about anything.
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Old 02-20-2018, 08:23 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Hard to believe that I've now known you almost 10 years now through the miracle of SL and the ridiculousness of role play, and truth be told, I'm quite fond of you. So to hear that you're grappling with profound depression, and that you've even had thoughts of not being alive? Well, I'll be honest. If depression were a living thing, I'd walk right up to it and kick it in the gonads.

I get that you feel like you have to be careful about what you say and how you say what you say around people in your everyday life. Believe me, I know. But I hope that you feel that here, at least, you can be real. Because in this thread, at least, it sounds like people get it.

My low point came around 2005 when I was sitting in my car, and I realized I was contemplating either going inside the building were I was supposed to conduct an interview for my job as a reporter, or getting on the highway and ramming my car into a bridge support - side impact (no airbag) at full speed, no other driver, to hopefully end it all. Ironically, the interview was at an auto factory, and the building had two-story tall billboards outside touting car safety. What stopped me was the unfortunate uncertainty of it. I picked up the phone and made the call for help, and somehow found a therapist who saw me that afternoon and gave me a choice: give me my word that I wouldn't go through with any plans, or consent to be checked in to a psychiatric ward. Maybe it's petty, but the fear of moritification of what my co-workers would think of that kept me from it, so I made a promise, yadda yadda yadda ... a decade or more of better living through chemistry and therapy and here we are today.

You are so not alone, kiddo. That's a lie the depression tells you.
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Old 02-20-2018, 09:57 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Maybe if you've been faking it long enough you are doing it for real

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Old 03-02-2018, 11:58 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Your title brought me back in time when I was appealing to disability decision (was born severely physically disabled but had to list all conditions and at the time did not know it was not unipolar depression but bipolar type 2 not that it changes anything in anecdote). Had to go to a court tribunal with legal and medical panel and lost but the written decision was something beautiful. It said "seems to lie about being depressed as smiles when addressed" ... not even paraphrasing and ignoring every bit of medical history and medication. Other nice bit was "is not that short - can cook on a step ladder" ignoring uh ... hip dysplasia and lack of balance or grip or plenty others. Not that I was unique with those panels ... they still are something in UK.

However, did not deal with people being horrid on personal level which is obviously 'fun' experience for you. There is no best way to act as if you constrain your responses and axe the sarcasm - someone will still say it is not the right way to be depressed to them. They will continue trying to find a quick fix to all your issues, recommending all stuff that worked for them when in low mood period, listing all best things in the world and guilt tripping you as if you will suddenly have a huge realisation.

I guess that is the moot in all of this - depression is different for all and it is also not static. Some might have it cycling, some have it permanent and at the same time thought patterns and effects can vary same as working medication. Whomever mentioned ketamine made me chuckle as it is a thing that does precisely nothing for me or my mum (she has unipolar depression) in any dose as we both have vile migraines and sometimes all other stuff ran out or such (has no effect on pain as well). It is completely ordinary that you do stuff when depressed as it varies in same manner - some carry on as without depression, some change and so on. We also all play our roles differently so some are a mirror of internal state while some are not.

As for talking about any mental issues - best bet is to listen same as best bet with chatting bit is ranting whenever you feel like it. Or writing it down, even to yourself. Suicidal feelings usually are a whole mix of things but relating to why someone might feel this way and letting them explain the thought process behind (if they want to) is helping as when someone wants to get you, you don't feel so alone and bloody afraid all the time. However, those conversations will be different from person to person as one will just fancy stating they feel like crap, other will wish to stare at puppy photos, another will go over pros and cons of dying, their friend will opt to go over psychiatric description and your random family member will like listing suicide methods.

Oh, if anyone wonders if they are just making it up or just stopping themselves from getting better - that is a depressive intrusive thought (I know poster said they meant something else but it is a common doubt).
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Old 03-03-2018, 08:55 PM   #32 (permalink)
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The sad thing about this is, I wish it was an option.
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Old 03-04-2018, 02:59 AM   #33 (permalink)
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C-ptsd. You would think if you found the cause you could fix it. Hugs to all who live with the sads.
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