Something I Have To Get Off My Chest - SLUniverse Forums
Navigation » SLUniverse Forums > Off Topic Discussion > Off Topic General » Something I Have To Get Off My Chest


Off Topic General Discussion forum for topics not directly related to SL/virtual world topics that do not fit into their own forum.

 
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-17-2017, 01:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
DJ's for Aural Pleasure
 
Sredni Eel's Avatar
Hold On To Yourself
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Nobuddy cumz in here. Sekrit.
Posts: 11,421
My Mood:
SL Join Date: Sept. 2007
Business: Avatar Bizarre
Client: Crash-o-Matic 2.0
Blog Entries: 25
Something I Have To Get Off My Chest

I have to get deeply personal here, but I'm really freaked out right now.

A month ago, a man I've known all my life, a man who was my brother's best friend since 3rd grade, died. James had a heart attack, ended up in a coma, and died four days later.

James was probably the only one of my brother's friends who didn't beat me up or tease me mercilessly when I was a kid. I liked him, attended his wedding, befriended his kids at my brother's infamous September 1st parties (always held around July), and shared an intense love of music with the guy. I went to his funeral in support of my brother. My sister went with me. She was just as stunned as I was, and kept saying how bad she felt for the James' mom, because both of her sons were now dead.

My brother's best friend in the world is dead. He was only 53.

His next best friend, Ken, who spoke after my brother at the service, was a part of the Trio. These guys have known each other for decades and loved each other like brothers. All of them full of fun and laughter and life.

Ken was as devastated as the rest of us, and was busy setting up a wild celebration of life for our fallen friend. It was going to be full of music from DJs, local bands were going to play, everyone would be there enjoying the day while remembering all the good stuff. Heck, he'd even managed to get some well known musicians to appear, because James was that into music.

That party will not happen now.

Ken died.

In a freak accident.

Exactly one month after James. He was sparring in a martial arts class and got kicked in the chest. After taking some aspirin or something for the chest pain that night, Ken went to bed, and never woke up.

My brother told me just a couple of days ago and my response was, "Are you fucking kidding me???"

My brother is devastated. The thing is, he tends to be a great believer in fate. He also believes that the Trio is cursed, and that he's next. He told me the other day that he's going to be on edge for the next thirty days.

I talked him down off that ledge. Or so I thought. He's understandably not taking things well right now. There's not much I can do, except offer my shoulder to cry on, a person to lean on, an ear to listen, and offer occasional advice. Platitudes are not needed. I would hate for someone to say, "I know how you feel."

No. No you do not. Instead of saying things like, "Trust in God" (which I don't...), or "It was his time." (it wasn't), it's far better to say, "I'm here. If you need to talk, or want to rail at the world, scream, shout, or anything, I'm here. If you need anything, I'm here."

This morning, he made me his legacy contact on Facebook.

He thinks his time is up.

I'm freaking out a bit because I do believe in self-fulfilled prophecies. I don't want my brother to die, and I don't want him to give up on what makes him happy. His two best friends in the world are gone, but I really think he wants to follow them, in spite of his fear of death.

I know this is a bit rambling, a bit long... But I haven't been able to find anyone willing to talk about it. Death seems a taboo subject for many of my friends, including my Other Half. It's not that I want to wallow in self pity, or even roll around in the obsession of death. I just need to process some of this.

I'm honored my brother wants me to take care of his affairs after he's gone, but I don't think I'm ready for this. I wasn't ready when he was in the hospital a couple years ago with alcoholic hepatitis that came >.< this close to killing him. I'm not ready now. It's not his time.
Sredni Eel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-17-2017, 02:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
captured like a Pokemans.
 
Deca!'s Avatar
bitches love to be called beautiful.
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New York.
Posts: 13,422
My Mood:
SL Join Date: early 2006.

Awards: 1
SLU Creepy Avatar Competition 2014 Participant 
My own personal recommendation would be that he see someone professionally, because feeling like his time is up may just lead him to be reckless or may also be repackaged ideations after losing his friends.

Either way, he needs to talk to someone and you can't take this on alone.
__________________
"If I were a caterpillar, I'd probably emerge from my cocoon as another larger, fatter caterpillar."

I can't believe the things that you'll say
To keep me around and close to your side.

-- Film School - Compare.

When a country is full of food, and exporting it, there can be no famine.
-- George Bernard Shaw.
Deca! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-17-2017, 02:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
Easily Distracted
 
Sansarya's Avatar
Just Sans
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rosebud
Posts: 2,852
My Mood:
SL Join Date: April 2005
Client: Official client
Blog Entries: 2
Maybe his friends' deaths were a sign that he needs to take better care of himself? I dunno. i come from a people who see signs in everything, so yes, I'd think that when your two best friends die within a month of each other the universe is telling you something. It's a lesson for you. Maybe it's a warning. Maybe it's a lesson for YOU and not your brother, saying you need to help him and take care of him for a while until the feeling of crisis passes. Whether it's coincidence or not, it doesn't hurt to spend time with him and help him through this.
Sansarya is offline   Reply With Quote
1 User Said Thanks:
Old 07-17-2017, 02:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
Crazy Cat Lady
 
Rose Karuna's Avatar
Flor-i-duh
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 1,991
My Mood:
First, I think that it's absolutely crazy that people won't discuss death openly and honestly. I think that many are afraid that if they do, they will invite it in the door. The thing is, death has always been the foundation of life. Those who are alive always know that one day, they will die, even some species of animals are aware of it. As humans, we all just hope that it's not earlier than we can handle or too painful.

I think that turning 50 in general can get you thinking about your own mortality. I'm now in my sixties and as the decades have gone by, each decade has presented me with a different view of death. I too had a "run" of deaths in my family over a two year period. It was painful and difficult. There is a process to grief and I think that part of that process is recognition (and sometimes fear of) our own mortality.

There is a good book, if you or your brother are readers I'd recommend Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the book I got was "On Death and Dying". Kubler Ross writes that there are five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Even if your brother does not want to read it, I'd recommend you read it because I think it might help you, help him. There are also grief counselors (I went to one after the fourth death in my family after two years). It helped a lot. A word of warning though, you can work through guilt, fear and anger in therapy but there is no therapy or drug that will cure the sadness and loss. The only thing that I've found that helped with that, was time.
__________________
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”
—Kurt Vonnegut
Rose Karuna is offline   Reply With Quote
1 User Said Thanks:
2 Users Like This:
Old 07-17-2017, 07:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
Rabblerouser

*SLU Supporter*
 
shy poster's Avatar
edible
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,804
My Mood:
SL Join Date: February, 2007

Awards: 1
SLU Creepy Avatar Competition 2014 Participant 
What Rose said x 1000000
__________________
Originally Posted by SalStrange
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: leave me alone
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: you are weirdo
shy poster is offline   Reply With Quote
1 User Agreed:
Old 07-17-2017, 09:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
DJ's for Aural Pleasure
 
Sredni Eel's Avatar
Hold On To Yourself
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Nobuddy cumz in here. Sekrit.
Posts: 11,421
My Mood:
SL Join Date: Sept. 2007
Business: Avatar Bizarre
Client: Crash-o-Matic 2.0
Blog Entries: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sansarya View Post
Maybe his friends' deaths were a sign that he needs to take better care of himself? I dunno. i come from a people who see signs in everything, so yes, I'd think that when your two best friends die within a month of each other the universe is telling you something. It's a lesson for you. Maybe it's a warning. Maybe it's a lesson for YOU and not your brother, saying you need to help him and take care of him for a while until the feeling of crisis passes. Whether it's coincidence or not, it doesn't hurt to spend time with him and help him through this.
He's been taking way better care of himself since the hospital stay; losing a lot of weight, eating better, quitting the booze, quitting cigarettes, and walking his dog up to ten miles a day. Plus he works on my mom's property, keeping it up because she is unable (she and her husband are in their eighties).

He is being paranoid, like the Universe really has cursed him.
Sredni Eel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2017, 09:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
Dakota Tebaldi's Avatar
Lurkin' and stuff
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Down by the bay, where the watermelons grow...
Posts: 14,103

Awards: 1
SLU Creepy Avatar Competition 2014 Participant 
It's really difficult to talk someone out of that state of mind, once they've talked themselves into it. I fear the only thing that really will do it, is him not dying a month from now. But it might not be automatic - when he doesn't die, you may need to pound that fact into his head until the light comes on.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Io Zeno
Cody, you are unusual.
Dakota Tebaldi is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Agreed:
Old 07-20-2017, 01:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
DJ's for Aural Pleasure
 
Sredni Eel's Avatar
Hold On To Yourself
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Nobuddy cumz in here. Sekrit.
Posts: 11,421
My Mood:
SL Join Date: Sept. 2007
Business: Avatar Bizarre
Client: Crash-o-Matic 2.0
Blog Entries: 25
He has to stick around long enough for the life celebration, which now includes both James and Ken, who were apparently inseparable in death as well as life. The party Ken was setting up is going on as planned, as it should.

The party is a couple of days before the thirty day anniversary of Ken's death, so maybe my brother can relax a bit.
Sredni Eel is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Like This:
Old 07-20-2017, 02:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
Easily Distracted
 
Sansarya's Avatar
Just Sans
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rosebud
Posts: 2,852
My Mood:
SL Join Date: April 2005
Client: Official client
Blog Entries: 2
My grandmother died three months after my aunt, her youngest daughter. My aunt had epilepsy from childhood, so my grandmother was her caregiver her whole life. The question had always been, "What will Aunt Diana do after grandma dies? Who will take care of her?" It was kind of ironic that Aunt Diana died first, and completely predictable that grandma would die soon after, of a broken heart, her dr. told us. Grandma just didn't seem to feel like she had a purpose anymore, after spending her whole adulthood and elder years caring for Aunt Diana (who was only 58 when she died).
Sansarya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2017, 02:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
Particle Laboratory Elf
 
Jopsy Pendragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Diego
Posts: 10,867
My Mood:
SL Join Date: Jan 15 2004
Business: Light Sorcery

Awards: 1
SLU Creepy Avatar Competition 2014 Participant 
Death is certain. When is not. Given all of human history, we should think of anything past the age of 40 as "bonus time" and treasure it accordingly. :}
Jopsy Pendragon is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Like This:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On




SEO by vBSEO