Bard Jameson

I've been bouncing this around in my feeble brain awhile, and thought I'd throw it against the wall and see what sticks.

I can't count how many times, when the drama gets going, that someone, or several someones, says some variation of "I can say what I want and I don't care what you think!"

I'd like to call "bullshit" on this one.

I think we all care very much what others think. If only for the simple reason that we are here, gathered in a medium that is all about sharing what we think. If I really didn't care what another person thinks, I wouldn't be here saying what I think.

Ya think?

I think we all care very much what others think, if only for some simple reasons:

1) We want to be liked (this is my bugaboo - I want to be liked way too much)

2) We want to be validated (Yeah Bard - good idea! /me smiles and feels self-satisfied)

3) We want to be understood

4) We want to understand others

5) We want to argue (face it, arguing is as human as gambling, and damn near as addictive)

6) We want to change minds (I don't care how many times we say we don't, face the music, Virginia - we do!)

7) We want to be disliked.

On that last note, allow me to elaborate. Simple communication is validation. If I say "Hi", and you say "Hi" back, then at the most basic psycological level, I exist. I have validated my existence by the simple act of being recognized by another human being.

Some people choose to get that validation by negative responses. This is for a variety of psychological reasons I'm too lazy to identify, but some simple research will show that it is true. Think of the baby that will misbehave, because any attention, bad or otherwise, is better than no attention.

So we come here and interact to assuage a very basic psychological need - visibility. I exist because someone else acknowledged me. Even if they acknowledged me in a "negative way" (called me an asshole and said to fuck off), that is still better than being ignored.

So, we really do care what others think - even if what we care about might be different than expected, like wanting to be hated, perhaps because it gives us a sense of power. If you feel strongly enough about me to hate me, then I am powerful enough to raise your hatred.

So, I'm not expecting that we might stop using this diversionary canard - "I don't care what you think!". I'm just going to call BS on it here, once, and suggest that we all care. We just care in different ways and at different levels.

If we didn't care, we would not be here.

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Joshua Nightshade

tl;dr

Lucifer Baphomet

I dont care what you think, Bard, but I'm going to agree with you on this.

Stankleberry Sullivan

I don't care what some people think.

Bard Jameson

Pehraps the best first response to that OP that could have been posted.

Isabeau Imako

I'd like to know why some choose to respond to someone who just told them to 'Fuck Off', or answered in a negative manner, full of attitude.

Why choose to argue with someone who obviously has no respect for you or your thoughts? What do people get out of that? (I really want to know)

Asher Bertrand

The trick is, how to care what people think but not let it rule you.

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Joshua Nightshade

I don't care about this thread.

It is to yawn.

Bard Jameson

Maybe that falls under my point 5) We want to argue.

Argument is still validation. If you care enough to tell me to fuck off, then whatever I said had an impact. Then, our fight response kicks in, and we want to say, in effect, "fuck you" back.

I'm not sure, but I just think it keeps coming back to the issue of what I've seen termed "psychological visibility". To be "invisible" is one of the worst things that can happen to us.

Think of the ancient tribal practice of shunning. It was used as punishment - the person is made "dead" to the tribe. No one will look upon them or speak to them. It has a strong impact.

Think of solitary confinement - as a punishment, being completely isolated is very powerful.

So, even if you tell me to fuck off and show me complete disrespect, at least you are acknowleging me. So I can come back and say "fuck you too", which triggers your reponse, and at least - at the very least - I am not alone.

Pleasure is great. But even pain is better than nothing.

Joshua Nightshade

Some of you should be stuck in an elevator.

Bard Jameson

I am. With you. And all you can do is look at my crotch.

Hey! My eyes are up here, man!! /harrumphs

Joshua Nightshade

I think after 48 hours stuck in an elevator with me, Bard, you'd take what you could get.

Hope there isn't a camera.

Or do I?

Bard Jameson

LOL! No, you'd take what you could get, you horny little boy.

In a gay bar, even dead drunk and last call, you wouldn't give me second look. But after 48 hours with only me as an option, you'd be begging.

Me, I'm old enough to deal with blue balls for more than two days

Joshua Nightshade

I've never been turned down dead drunk at last call.

Bard Jameson

Then I'll be your first.

Joshua Nightshade

I'm not above evol.

Case in point, while we were in Australia at a bar Adam ran into an old high school classmate of his at a gay bar with his girlfriend (most gay bars in Australia were mixed, which was weird to me), and I thought he was HOOOOTT.

So they hung out with us for a while and I kept getting drinks for the four of us, and I kept telling the bartender to make his really strong while he was out of sight.

So by the end of the evening Adam bet me that I couldn't get him to kiss me before they left.

I won the bet.

Bard Jameson

And that proves...what? That you're a date-rapist?

Joshua Nightshade

Yes.

Bard Jameson

Cool beans, Wicca Boy. Spike my drink and point that athame in my direction. See what it gets you

Ten

Vile, vile, vile, Joshua!

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Joshua Nightshade

HIS GIRLFRIEND THOUGHT IT WAS HOT.

Dnate Mars

Note to self, don't let Joshua buy me drinks at SLCC.

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Joshua Nightshade

Circle Widdershins

I really like the fact that the gay bars in Australia are mixed. I'd hate to think I was denied going into a pub because of my sexuality.

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Joshua Nightshade

Well in the US most gay bars only have guys in them. Sexuality not so much, and nobody's denied entry that I've ever seen, but mostly just guys go to gay bars here.