Imnotgoing Sideways

Say you've had a friend for a good year and a half. You met in an adult situation, spent most of your time on a sim that had to go Adult when LL's policy changed. You mentored her though the age verification process which worked in a snap. And in general you had a good, emotionally supportive, low drama, and even slightly kinky relationship with this person. Still some ups and downs, but, those are typically unavoidable.

Then one night she logs in later than usual to tell you she just got back from her 18th birthday.

What would be going through your head and how would you deal with it?

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Midi Reifsnider

I'd be annoyed with them for not telling me the truth and for encouraging me to help them break the TOS. I don't know how I'd deal with it now though, it depends on how highly you value the friendship i think, but I'd have trouble trusting them in the future.

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Chalice Yao

I'd just tell them "Oh you silly billy, you could have told me." and move on. It'd just not be much of a surprise for me, given how many I know that originally started out in SL before their 18th birthday.

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Marianne Little

I would be annoyed too, but I would not blame myself in any way. I don't think you should blame yourself either. You treated her like an adult, and she had to find some false ID on her own (borrowing her mothers maybe?) You did the right thing, she was hiding her age from you. I don't think you encouraged her to break the TOS. You helped her to age verify, assuming she would use her own ID.

Maybe she was afraid you would report her to LL. And maybe you would have done it. I think you are very careful since you have been accused of being a minor yourself, you would not risk punishment from LL. Am I right?

She was over 16 when you meet her, that is old enough to have sex in my country and some states in the US too? So her age would not bother me much. Say you are disappointed that she lied to you, and then suggest you drop the subject of her age. If you can trust her in the future.... hmmm maybe not trust her 100%.

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Graelwyn

I would be a little irritated at the lack of honesty...actually, very irritated, but the age of consent here in the Uk is 16 anyway, so I probably would not be quite as annoyed as someone in the USA.

DarkStorm Paine

Lots of places including my home state have had age sixteen as age of consent for a long time.

Chalice Yao

Given that the grid (still) is officially 18+ only til they close down the teen grid, I'd be kind of careful with putting something like that into any estate rules...

Zipper

I would avoid major drama with this person - keep it cool - cause she could screw you in a court for sure if she's ever wronged.

MaxDesoto

Age of consent is tricky. Often if the age is as low as 16, it only applies to people within 2-3 years of the 16 year-old, or married couples. So if you are 35 and messing with a 16 year old it could be illegal in your state or country!

Lila Corith

I would be extremely creeped out, but at this point I'm not sure what I could do about it. Personally I would write them a notecard, very calmly explaining that I felt betrayed and like a rube- not to mention they put me in legal danger. I wouldn't be able to deal with them being on my friends list (mind, this is just me personally) and my future interactions with them would be very polite but EXTREMELY detached and brief.

Cat Fratica

Yeah, age of consent being different in other countries is largely irrelevant (UK here, 16 for hetero and gay) - in Bahrain it is legal for the male at 16 but the female can only have sex if she is married (presumably with her husband only), in Spain, South Korea and Burkino Faso it is legal from 13, in many countries (China, Chile, Ecuador, Bulgaria, Albania) it's 14, in Iran, Iman and Pakistan marital sex only is allowed, in Vatican State and the Phillipines it is legal from 12!

Interestingly (?) It is illegal for an American citizen or resident to have sex in another country with someone aged under 16, unless the age difference is less than 4 years, in which case the minimum age is 12. So an Americam 'person' of 16 can legally have sex with a 12 year old local in the Vatican - provided there is no coercian and no money changes hands...

from: www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm

But the TOS sats 18 - so 18 it is in SL...

Desmond Shang

Immy I rarely comment on your drama but with this, since no one else is willing to step up, I'll be brutally frank:

You should be thinking that this is a significant wakeup call, you are waaaaay over the line and have been for years, and it's time to *actually change your behaviour permanently* rather than just think about it.

I'm no lawyer, but it sure sounds to me like you are just one sneeze away from massive, massive trouble with the law.

Han Held

This is a hard one for a few different reasons -the most obvious one being (imho) how was Immy supposed to know?

Not at all being snarky here, I mean that literally. Supposedly the people we meet in SL are at least eighteen years old, and presumably what this person told her wasn't "hey, how can I circumvent the verification process", but "hey, I can't go there, how do I fix that?" -Immy is a helpful person and it's reasonable that she would walk them through the process.

I think that technically Immy is fine -though if the person was still underage (and the possibility of screaming, litigious parents a larger factor) she'd have a good reason to be worried. At this point, whatever happened is in the past and it's not something that Immy sought out (correct me if I'm somehow wrong) -so I don't think Chris Hansen's gonna show up on her door.

As far as her question goes, I have no idea of how to handle that. To me, I make a distinction between malice and non malice and it sounds like this person didn't lie out of negative motives -so personally, I wouldn't feel like I was esp deceived.

Other than that, idk.

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Ann Otoole

*sniff sniff* Do I smell blackmail bait?

Asher Bertrand

Immy, how do you feel about it?

If you feel hurt, angry or betrayed, I'm all for letting her know that. I think it's better to voice those kinds of feeling rather than to stuff them away like they don't exist.

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Imnotgoing Sideways

Nauseated - is the best way to describe.

Imnotgoing Sideways

My "behaviour" was making friends online. What is your proposed "change"?

Marianne Little

Don't be too hard on your self.

Cincia Singh

Let ME be brutally frank ... WTF? Dude what the hell? Do you have copies of the I.D. of all the people you interact with in SL? Again ... WTF?

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Lewis Luminos

(posting this as a first reaction without reading anyone else's comments yet)

I would be stunned and upset, and I would probably not want to speak to her for a while. If at all. Legal implications of what could have happened would be going through my head and at the very least I would consider myself extremely lucky to be able to log in to SL at all.

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Ayesha Lytton

I would be calling a lawyer, stat, and alerting LL. She may be 18 now, but she broke tons of rules while underage including lots that could get LL in trouble and/or lead to bad press, and ought to be permabanned.

I would also mute and unfriend her and ask the adult location to ban her.

No, I would not say these things regarding all who admitted to having been in SL while underage...it is the sexual aspects of this situation that are deeply disturbing. There needs to be zero tolerance for underage kids in adult sims, and this is the perfect person to make an example of so other kids are less likely to try it.

I would also choose my pixel bumping pals more carefully in the future...staying away from anyone whose RL I know nothing about and whom I'm not reasonably certain is well over 18.

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Cincia Singh

Or ... it could be some 45 year old man in a wife beater tshirt and dingy gym shorts pulling Immy's leg. Maybe call an SLawyer and have them RP the usual nonsense? Surely you're not suggesting a RL lawyer at $300+/hr to deal with an unknown person RPing in an adult sim in a virtual world! Does anyone need to pay that much to get laughed at?

Sredni Eel

Yet another reason I don't cyber people.
I'm just going to go into my little corner and make stuff. Drama happens less that way.

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Caliandris

Look. I have met a lot of underage people in SL. They sometimes don't tell the people they meet in SL because they don't want to make it the other person's responsibility - they assume that if you don't know their age that you can't be blamed for anything. Also, they don't want to be thrown out, and know that a lot of people would report them - although I assume the new terms of service have altered that, or will soon.

Personally I wouldn't indulge in kinkiness with anyone I hadn't talked to on skype, nowadays, but that's me - and with voice morphing and all that jazz, I don't think even that is fail safe.

Immy...I don't think this calls for lawyers or a lot of heart searching... I'd just be normal. Most of the underage people I have met have been reasonable and well-behaved people and I can't see any point in provoking drahma now. I'm a bit taken aback by Desmond's reaction, but I presume that the reason Caledon is known as a no-sex-please-we're-Victorian ghetto is that they like it that way and have a bit of a protected life there?

In SL, it is difficult for even LL to verify people are whomever they claim to be and difficult to ensure that you are dealing with adults. Mistakes happen, and if someone has been deceptive and you could not have known that, I would assume that was more their fault than yours.

As many people have said here, the age limit for SL may have been 18 but the age limit for actual sex is 16 in many places and younger in some, and so I don't think there's any call to panic. At the very least, most people and SL regard 18 as adult.

As to what to do for the future, be guided by how you feel. I presume that if you feel nauseated you won't want a repeat of your adventures with this person, and so do what you feel is right. Don't think there are any rules about it. I'd keep on my friends list, personally, but that would depend upon how close you thought you were, how much of a betrayal you thought it was, etc.

Fred Rookstown

This is why I get pictures of the person in question and insist they use JPEG format.

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