[Carter-Madhu]

Originally Posted by Darkley

There was a female avi in a group I was in, we were doing chinese horoscopes, and she wouldnt tell me the year of her birth, saying 'I don't give rl info' - to a YEAR!!! that is a huge turnoff that someone wont reveal even insignificant things, things that make you human

And I see this quite differently; I might be less inclined to tell someone the year of my birth than to tell them, for example, what state I live in or what kind of work I do. People make a lot of assumptions based upon age, and for many - especially for those at the younger or older ends of the spectrum - SL affords an unusual opportunity to interact without the bias that people automatically attach based upon perceived age. It's easy for me to see why someone might not see the year of their birth as an insignificant fact to reveal.

Yes, its Second Life, but I am me, I am not playing a character, I am not in RP sims, and I don't get on with those who do play a character and who treat it like a 'game'

It doesn't follow, though, that people who treat SL differently from how you treat it are "usually hiding something," as you put it.

As I've said, I don't particularly try to hide my RL, and I'm not in SL for hard-core role play. At the same time, though, I'm not in SL to discuss it with strangers. And when I meet someone new - this happens often at my cafe - whose initial line of questioning is "Where do you live? what do you do? How old are you? Are you married?" I do my damnedest to steer the conversation towards in-world topics - "What do you like to do in SL? Seen any cool builds lately? Have you checked out Jewelry Fair yet?"

This is not because I have something to hide, but because I frankly find RL-oriented small talk mind-crushingly dull and I try to avoid wasting my precious SL time on it.

[Milana Cavan]

Originally Posted by Midi Reifsnider

I'm sure Ingrid can answer for herself, and I'm not going to pretend that I speak for her, but all I can say is that if you ARE a man playing a female av, and you don't want people to discuss it, maybe you shouldn't bring it up. I don't mean you, I mean Ned. If I was him, I'd have read that profile and chuckled quietly or shared with friends, but the moment you put it up here for us all to read, then you're running the risk of others seeing it from a different angle and saying so. ESPECIALLY after all the tension this very subject has caused in the past.

Apparently my mere request of this not getting into a drama thread has offended you in some way, so I withdraw it.

Go as dramatic as you want, I won't stop you. I thought avoiding drama was good, but its apparent that there are those who revel in it, so drama away!

[Carter-Madhu]

Milana, with respect, I don't see any drama in Midi's post. Disagreement is not the same as offense, and it's not the same as drama.

[Darkley]

I don't ask people questions, rl info comes naturally over time, and not things like A/S/L either, more like ideas, things people are passionate about, music, politics, art, tv, films, pets, normal things that people talk about

[Camille Serpentine]

Originally Posted by Darkley

There was nothing wrong with the profile that Ned posted, a little harsh yes, but not outrageous, people who refuse point blank to say a single word about their rl and are aggressive about people asking anything are usually hiding something

There was a female avi in a group I was in, we were doing chinese horoscopes, and she wouldnt tell me the year of her birth, saying 'I don't give rl info' - to a YEAR!!! that is a huge turnoff that someone wont reveal even insignificant things, things that make you human

Yes, its Second Life, but I am me, I am not playing a character, I am not in RP sims, and I don't get on with those who do play a character and who treat it like a 'game'

I won't divulge personal information to people unless I know them very well and I don't generally play in rp sims. I've been that way since I started in 2003. Yes my mannerisms/personality on Camille are mine, but yet I still am hesitant to divulge even the most basic of things like my true sex.

Sexually I've rp'd with males playing females, females playing males, and I've rp'd as a male and as a female, but for the most part I don't ask and I don't tell what I am. If they roleplay well and I have no plans to ever meet them in real life, then I don't care what they are behind their avatar.

In non-rp situations in SL, I do not worry about what sex the person is behind the screen. Their AV is for their enjoyment, not mine. If they are happy being a sexless cube, a sexxed up goddess, a musclebound guy, a horse, etc.. then who am I to question it.

[Darkley]

I personally don't care if you have female avi, male avi, robot, furry or monster, it makes no difference to me

However, when you deliberately decieve someone, when you actively pretend to be something you are not, then you run the risk of hurting peoples feelings. It's not right.

When you engage in any form of relationship in sl, sexual or otherwise, its based on trust

[Camille Serpentine]

Originally Posted by Darkley

I personally don't care if you have female avi, male avi, robot, furry or monster, it makes no difference to me

However, when you deliberately decieve someone, when you actively pretend to be something you are not, then you run the risk of hurting peoples feelings. It's not right.

When you engage in any form of relationship in sl, sexual or otherwise, its based on trust

Deliberately deceive?

Perhaps if there were plans to meet in real life and the person wasn't the sex as said, but otherwise no, it's not deception.

If it's just an online relationship in Second Life, with no plans to meet, then your avatar is what you are presenting to others. You can easily change your sex, your image, your shape, your breed, everything...

I don't have any of the clothes in real life that my avatar does. Does that mean I'm lying about what my body looks like? Or what I prefer to wear in real life?

[Milana Cavan]

Originally Posted by Carter-Madhu

Milana, with respect, I don't see any drama in Midi's post. Disagreement is not the same as offense, and it's not the same as drama.

With all due respect, Ingrid started the shitstorm with her snarky retort.


Whatever...I'm tired of sitting here watching bored people who have nothing better to do with their time than to dredge up things that have long since passed and hurt people I care about. I hope it's worth it.

[Darkley]

The only drama queen here is you Milana

[Max Herzog]

Maybe to save us all from making the same mistake again, you could post a list of topics that mustn't be discussed lest you choose to make an appearance in any given thread?

[Darkley]

The last incident passed because the thread was closed, not because it was resolved

[Ned Easterwood]

Originally Posted by Darkley

I personally don't care if you have female avi, male avi, robot, furry or monster, it makes no difference to me

However, when you deliberately decieve someone, when you actively pretend to be something you are not, then you run the risk of hurting peoples feelings. It's not right.

When you engage in any form of relationship in sl, sexual or otherwise, its based on trust

And when I, as Beathag McMahon, enter into any kind of relationship with any one - or if it appears that strong feelings are involved - I tell them who I am in RL. It is presumptuous, insulting, hurtful, and damned rude to assume anything else.

You have no idea how many hours I have spent talking to a friend about how to handle this. Where are the lines? When should I reveal this? When doesn't it matter?

I have posted about this several times - most recently, at length, in a thread about gender identity started by Roxanne Blue. Maybe some people didn't read that, so here's a link.

As Bea, I recently met a nice woman. We joked and flirted and danced - and when it seemed to me she was becoming interested, we had a very long talk - two of them - lasting maybe three hours. I told her everything - about my RL gender, Ned, all my relationships - I was totally honest. And I left it to her.

She decided she didn't care. She decided she cared for me so much that my RL gender - and the age gap - didn't matter. She is now Bea's partner. She has made my SL so much richer. She is sweet and funny and smart and a tease. But she doesn't post on forums - she doesn't create - so no one has ever heard of her. But she is Bea's partner now - and Bea never took one in over two years in SL.

At Venus Beach, where Bea spends a lot of her free time, the "Rules" note card says the following.

We do accept:

HETEROSEXUAL FEMALES - likes men
BI-SEXUAL FEMALES - likes men and women
LESBIANS - likes women only
TRANSEXUAL/TRANSGENDER - Girls born in the wrong body and feel their gender is wrong.

Our basic definition of a man is an AV with a visible Penis, and/or having an obvious masculine physical form.
We will eject and/or ban any male Avatar
Last but not least, as it is not in our powers to make people prove their gender, there is never really a guarantee that everyone is female, but, If you have yourself as male in your profile, you will be banned.

The sim owners know. Bea has known one of those women for over two years. This woman is the one who told me, when I came out to her, that Bea was always welcome at VB. And why is that? Because, as Bea, I am friendly and helpful - and always ready to be a friend.

I hope that people will read what I have said, and take it seriously, and maybe understand a little more.

[Darkley]

I dont think 90% of that was relevant, except the part about revealing your true identity, did you do that with the guy you were going to whore yourself out to?

[Ishina]

Originally Posted by Darkley

I dont think 90% of that was relevant, except the part about revealing your true identity, did you do that with the guy you were going to whore yourself out to?

Why are you acting so butt hurt over it?

[Darkley]

Originally Posted by Ishina

Why are you acting so butt hurt over it?

Who said I was Butt Hurt?

I get pissed off when someone acts appallingly then thinks its all ok because a thread was locked

[Ishina]

Originally Posted by Darkley

Who said I was Butt Hurt?

I get pissed off when someone acts appallingly then thinks its all ok because a thread was locked

That's what I mean. What's the history here? Because your last comment seemed like a bitch swipe from nowhere.

[Darkley]

Then use the search function and find out, or you can just carry on making assumptions about stuff you know fuck all about

[Ishina]

Originally Posted by Darkley

Then use the search function and find out, or you can just carry on making assumptions about stuff you know fuck all about

Or you could just take the irrelavant bitching to private.

[Darkley]

Its not irrelevant, this has been building in public for months

[Ishina]

Originally Posted by Darkley

Its not irrelevant, this has been building in public for months

Well carry on then. Maybe ya can get this thread locked too.

[Alfie Demonia]

Originally Posted by Milana Cavan

With all due respect, Ingrid started the shitstorm with her snarky retort.


Whatever...I'm tired of sitting here watching bored people who have nothing better to do with their time than to dredge up things that have long since passed and hurt people I care about. I hope it's worth it.

What "shitstorm"? I think you're making this into something it's not. Just because people are disagreeing with you doesn't mean they are attacking you. Just.... chill out.

This is a topic that gets discussed over and over again, it's something everyone has an opinion on and it might even be an interesting one if people stopped getting their knickers in a twist.

Also:

We do accept:

HETEROSEXUAL FEMALES - likes men
BI-SEXUAL FEMALES - likes men and women
LESBIANS - likes women only
TRANSEXUAL/TRANSGENDER - Girls born in the wrong body and feel their gender is wrong.

Our basic definition of a man is an AV with a visible Penis, and/or having an obvious masculine physical form.
We will eject and/or ban any male Avatar
Last but not least, as it is not in our powers to make people prove their gender, there is never really a guarantee that everyone is female, but, If you have yourself as male in your profile, you will be banned.

LOL.

[Milana Cavan]

Originally Posted by Darkley

The only drama queen here is you Milana

Drama queen? Hardly. You're doing a good job of it all by yourself.

[Natalie P.]

[Ned Easterwood]

Originally Posted by Darkley

I dont think 90% of that was relevant, except the part about revealing your true identity, did you do that with the guy you were going to whore yourself out to?

All right, let's review that.

1. Guy approaches Bea - wants her to role-play being his mistress while he cheats on his partner.
2. Bea gives him her conditions
3. He backs down
4. Therefor, Bea has no need to tell him anything - or withdraw herself

And I think you are acting appallingly.

[Ann Launay]

Originally Posted by Ned Easterwood

All right, let's review that.

1. Guy approaches Bea - wants her to role-play being his mistress while he cheats on his partner.
2. Bea gives him her conditions
3. He backs down
4. Therefor, Bea has no need to tell him anything - or withdraw herself

And I think you are acting appallingly.

You forgot the pregnancy thing. And I do personally find it somewhat disturbing when you talk about Bea as though she has her own desires and motivations...at the end of the day, she's still you.