SLUniverse Forums

Brodie Landar

When i first began I scoffed at the idea of true emotional involvement. But as i moved along and met people and built relationships i noticed subtle things that started to make me feel unneasy, such as speaking to someone you really enjoy speaking to, i noticed that while typing i had a slight smile on my face for no reason. or feeling angry because someone you enjoyed spending time with violated your trust.

and the inevitable omg i think im in love awkwardness. I have learned through my own mistakes, and trial and error that SL is SL, and RL is RL. The two are to never stray from one another and the line between them is to never blur. I have learned to accept it and use responsibility when dealing with emotion via my SL, and I just consider it part of the immersion into my avie.

__________________

Derek Tafler

But is it not the pain that makes us stand up and pay attention. For myself, the agony has made me examine my own behaviour rather than be critical of others, since that is something I can deal with.

Vertigo Paris

It does. But wouldn't it be nice to know that the stove is hot without having to deal with burns for the next week?

I know it's not possible and the pain makes it mean more but there are some times when I wish I could just -know-.

__________________
SLU Clubhouse - Open 24/7
Vist at http://slurl.com/secondlife/Tan/138/25/25


All human actions have one or more of these 7 causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire. ~Aristotle


RadioRadio: Stupid Name, Great Music!

DJ Vertigo Paris
Friday 6 - 9 pm SLT

Ingrid N.

Whiny post was whiny.

__________________
Oh No, Ingrid! - Fashion reviews, queer rants and horrible perversions. Written by a goat. Good times!

Circle Widdershins

Ingrid.

__________________
I have tortured tiny prims for my own amusement and sell the results at my shop: Treasures ~ Jewelry by Circle.
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Star%20Scythe/208/179/752

Charlemagne Allen

SL is no different in the basic parts of the human mind than RL: we intellectually know the distinction (unless one is scitzophrenic or the like), but we treat it as real. It's not different than getting involved in a good book or movie, except we are interacting with real people and making our own realm in SL.

__________________
Charlemagne Allen: YOU'RE A RACIST!
Charlemagne Allen: I HAVE CHATLOGS!
smokergirl Lowenhar: HOMOPHOBE
smokergirl Lowenhar: CONTENT THIEF
Charlemagne Allen: RELIGION SUCKS DONKEY BALLS!
smokergirl Lowenhar: KISS MY ASS YOU CLOSE MINDED HYPOCRIT
Charlemagne Allen: YOU WERE AN ESCORT FOR BARN ANIMALS!
Charlemagne Allen: ZOMG BIG SIG!

Pretty things:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlemagneallen/

Natalie P.

I'm kind of the same way, Ingrid - a bit standoffish and a teensy bit awkward. Even in SL, with my beautiful avatar, I've found that the majority of my interactions with strangers go from "Hi" to drifting off into silence in a matter of minutes, and I've yet to figure out how to bridge the gap.

I do agree with Tya and Cindy that SL lets you see people at their most unvarnished, and that's both good and bad. My husband and I know the real names of most of our SL friends, have talked to them on the phone, have even exchanged gifts. I'm not sure that it's the 3d aspect that inspires this, though, at least not for me. Yeah, I've danced with my SL friends on a space station while wearing a pirate outfit, but I've also danced on the Stormwind bridge during a fireworks display in my Night Elf undies with my guildmates, and the experiences have been roughly the same, emotionally speaking. And the veil of anonymity that the internet provides has exposed me to some of the craziest behavior I've ever been exposed to (of course, it also provided me with the fortitude to fight back in a way I've never managed in real life, being a very conflict-adverse sort of person).

Hmmm... I appear to be rambling. Better finish my coffee before I post more.

Madhu Maruti

Not only are the emotions at risk in SL every bit as real as in RL, but in some ways one can be even more vulnerable in SL than in RL. In SL, you sometimes operate with less information about a person, and your mind fills in the blanks in a way that can idealize the other person and set you up for an even greater fall.

I'll give you an example of what I mean. I have a friend (really, this isn't a story about me ) who was struggling in her RL marriage before she came into SL. In SL she met a guy and that has made her marriage struggles even worse. She has since decided to focus on her marriage and has broken it off with the SL guy, but she misses him viscerally and is in a lot of pain.

But what I particularly notice is how she idealizes the guy - she sees her relationship with him as perfect and satisfying, while her relationship with her husband is troubled and struggling. Well, her relationship with her husband has >10 years of history, as well a mortgage, a home to take care of, and a shared physical presence - no little red X to press when things get difficult and you need a moment to cool off. It's no wonder the SL relationship looks perfect by comparison.

This is a real danger, I think - it's an apples-to-oranges comparison, yet a very tempting one to make, for people who are lonely and troubled in aspects of our real lives.

__________________
Visit Madhu's Cafe - coffee house in the sky - hang out, chat, fish, enjoy the sounds of classic Bollywood and occasional world music parties - NEW! at Madhu's - watch Bollywood song videos on TV - http://slurl.com/secondlife/Milyang/39/16/701/

Derek Tafler

What an insightful post Madhu. You are the first to mention filling in the gaps, something I have long been aware of. Also the idealising of a relationship. This is something that appeals to some residents though, as they wish to leave their RL troubles behind - ie they can have that fairytale romance if they wish. I have a friend who would not tell me of her RL mountain of troubles, because she did not wish to be reminded of them when in SL, so we would keep RL discussion to an absolute minimum, just courtesy chat really.

Brodie Landar

my high level of emotional involvement in this thread is scaring me...therefore i must hit the red X and bow out....

Arilynn

Thanks for posting that, Ingrid.

I find the lack of facial expressions and body language to be a problem. When I started SL and would meet someone, I had to stop looking at their avatar's face and posture/gestures - it didn't match up to their words and I realized it didn't mean anything in the conversation. But this takes a lot of depth from the conversation.

I don't know if I find it easier or harder to make friends in SL versus RL - they are so different. But I know that the situations in SL that are unworkable for me IRL - talking in a group in which people do not talk in turns or walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation, for example - also give me problems in SL. I didn't anticipate this at all when I started and am disappointed in myself that I can't escape it in a virtual world. So I guess the emotions that SL provoke can be too much like RL at times.

MoxZ Mokeev

Hmm...that's the same score I got to the number.

caroline ra

I have met and chatted with many ppl in SL in the 18 months Ive used it and I must be a cold kind of person because I cannot say a great deal of emotional involvment occured with the majority of them. I have an almost unmanagably large friends list, 1/2 of which are business contacts..of the other 1/2 I could only call 2 ppl friends....I know them in real life and the friendship has been forged over many years....the rest are aquaintances.
I am probably in denial AND I suspect my definition of a friend might differ from yours somewhat.

MoxZ Mokeev

I seem to have lost a little of my emotional reaction in SL. Lately I've been so busy creating that I've not bothered with any social interraction. However, my partner hasn't logged on in 9 days and I've gone from anger to concern back to anger then to worry and I'm really starting to overthink it all and I'm pretty tired of this emotional flip-flopping.

LOL and I will never forget the time that I got into a tailspin with an ex-SLemployer and all but popped a vein. People say "Girl chill! It's only a game!" Oh hell no, I was latched to the ceiling, blood in my eye pissed. Now that was some totally raw emotion.

Charlemagne Allen

Being articulate in text is the key thing in SL.... anims and emoticons are a auxiliary thing, but not very useful. I think if you're as good with words as you seem to be over here, you should do fine.

Trout Recreant

I've always maintained that there is only one life - no First, Second, Real, etc. life. Second Life is the name of a platform where we experience life in a different environment. I experience my life in different non-virtual environments, so addining a more virtual environment is not really all that different. It just makes access easier.

The emotions are real. I have felt the complete range in the last year and a half, and they are every bit as intense as they are in a non-virtual environment for me.

The other night, I visited the Vietnam Wall memorial - an exact replica of the one in Washington DC. I just sat there, thinking of my dad, who I lost a couple years back, in part due to complications from Agent Orange exposure, and had tears streaming down my cheeks. It didn't matter that I was at home looking at a computer monitor. I had the same emotions I did when I visited the actual monument in DC.

So, I maintain that there is only one life - how and where we experience it is up to us. My friends from SL are every bit as important to me as any other friends - I just have to hang out with them in a different medium.

Beebo Brink

I've always been moved deeply by words, both spoken and written, but especially written. So SL is like a direct plug-in to the pleasure centers of my brain. It's like crack -- a distilled form of my drug of choice.

That being said, the SL community forums (SC, SLU, SS) are what have really intensified my immersion experience in SL. The depth and breadth of discussions and the extensive commentaries all provide more insights into people's character than would be possible (at least for me) to glean from inworld Chats.

__________________

Ann Launay

Is there REALLY any point in this thread?





































(I keed! I keed!)

__________________

Colette Meiji

Fixed

=p

Ann Launay