SLUniverse Forums

bilbo99 emu · 08-07-2008, 10:10 AM

Wow Arilynn, it's so strange when people say of things like this and I just can't ever remember it happening to me. I guess most sociable centres in SL are the clubs but I think in all my time at the forum cartel hangout I've only heard mention of the jukebox stream just a couple of times and it never, never becomes a conversation any more that something like "Jeez! anyone mind if I change this stream?"

So, come on over to Allana, just south of dead centre and have some non-musical socialising with a brilliant crowd ... time zones permitting

the crowd that is ... more often than not just a handful hee hee

Oh and I don't think anyone does Voice either

Madhu Maruti · 08-07-2008, 10:18 AM

Arilynn, I second Bilbo's enthusiastic recommendation of the cartel hangout. And also I encourage you to hang in there - when you get asked the same questions over and over you start to develop a way to deal with them. I can't count the number of times I've been asked if I'm Indian in RL (and of course, the follow-up questions of why my avatar has an Indian name, or why I run an Indian-themed place, since I am not Indian). While that's not quite the same as you being asked about music, I can tell you that you will in time come to a comfortable and usually effective way to deal with certain questions.

Arilynn · 08-07-2008, 10:19 AM

Thanks, Charlemagne.

You don't think saying I'm not into music is deceptive? It is true, but it doesn't seem completely true to me. Maybe I am wrong.

This would not be such an issue, but when almost everyone I meet finds out I'm deaf the whole discussion becomes about that. That is ok in some ways, but it is tiresome after a while and I don't want the relationship to be just that. But because it seems to be such a huge issue to people, I don't want to not say anything right away and have people feel deceived. But I don't want my first reply to be "Good music? No clue! I'm deaf!".

I've tried discussion groups and will look for more. I am not a RPer - at all.

So I don't think biting people is my future.

This seems like a really stupid, weird problem.

Sorry to hijack the thread about it.

Derek Tafler · 08-07-2008, 10:23 AM

Is that what to type into map search - cartel forum (in Allana)?

Arilynn · 08-07-2008, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bilbo99 emu

Wow Arilynn, it's so strange when people say of things like this and I just can't ever remember it happening to me. I guess most sociable centres in SL are the clubs but I think in all my time at the forum cartel hangout I've only heard mention of the jukebox stream just a couple of times and it never, never becomes a conversation any more that something like "Jeez! anyone mind if I change this stream?"

So, come on over to Allana, just south of dead centre and have some non-musical socialising with a brilliant crowd ... time zones permitting

the crowd that is ... more often than not just a handful hee hee

Oh and I don't think anyone does Voice either

Thanks, Bilbo.

Maybe it is bad luck, but a lot of the first IMs I get are "Isn't this music/DJ/musician great?", "I love this song. Don't you?", "This club/DJ has the best music", etc. I know people are trying to start a friendly conversation. That is why I don't want to have the giant "Really? You are deaf? Really?" discussion in the first 2 seconds of meeting someone. I should find guys like the one last night who said in the first IM: "U look gud".

I will try Allana. This will show up in search, right? Thanks!

Beebo Brink · 08-07-2008, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arilynn

This would not be such an issue, but when almost everyone I meet finds out I'm deaf the whole discussion becomes about that.

That's a common issue I've faced in RL about the timing of coming out. I'm not timid about it, but it gets tiresome to have that aspect of myself loom larger than anything else in people's minds. It's not so much an issue in SL because I'm even more obviously queer inworld and you have to be seriously naive to miss it, and the SL population is more jaded.

Similarly, I would have expected that being deaf was less of an issue in SL, but if that's not the case, then I think you're fully justified in considering that to be RL information that need only be shared on a need-to-know basis. And you decide who needs to know.

Arilynn · 08-07-2008, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Madhu Maruti

Arilynn, I second Bilbo's enthusiastic recommendation of the cartel hangout. And also I encourage you to hang in there - when you get asked the same questions over and over you start to develop a way to deal with them. I can't count the number of times I've been asked if I'm Indian in RL (and of course, the follow-up questions of why my avatar has an Indian name, or why I run an Indian-themed place, since I am not Indian). While that's not quite the same as you being asked about music, I can tell you that you will in time come to a comfortable and usually effective way to deal with certain questions.

Thanks, Madhu.

It is not quite the same, but it still make me

to hear someone else has a similar problem, with similar follow-up questions (and questions to those questions, etc).

Allana is the forum cartel hangout? Ok, I have been there. I'll try again.

You are right - I will find an answer to use. Thanks to everyone for helping look for one.

Arilynn · 08-07-2008, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beebo Brink

That's a common issue I've faced in RL about the timing of coming out. I'm not timid about it, but it gets tiresome to have that aspect of myself loom larger than anything else in people's minds. It's not so much an issue in SL because I'm even more obviously queer inworld and you have to be seriously naive to miss it, and the SL population is more jaded.

Similarly, I would have expected that being deaf was less of an issue in SL, but if that's not the case, then I think you're fully justified in considering that to be RL information that need only be shared on a need-to-know basis. And you decide who needs to know.

Thank you, Beebo! Yes! It gets tiresome and then loom larger than anything else. And I completely didn't think this would such an issue. I do know 3 deaf/hoh who joined SL and quit. Part of the reason was they felt SL was really a hearing place, but they are in different situations and also had other problems with SL.

Thanks.

ETA: I'm sure a lot of this is a problem I am creating. I know I am too earnest, tend to include more details in the hopes the answer is more clear or complete, and worry too much about the other person's understanding. I need more cool.

bilbo99 emu · 08-07-2008, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derek Tafler

Is that what to type into map search - cartel forum (in Allana)?

should work with forum cartel hangout Derek, or just 'map' to Allana, then it's the bar on stilts just south of centre

Add: that is, 'Search' forum cartel hangout .. or enter Allana in the Map. I just type and hit send too quick sometimes.

Madhu Maruti · 08-07-2008, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derek Tafler

Is that what to type into map search - cartel forum (in Allana)?

"forum cartel hangout" is the parcel name, I believe.

To anyone who visits the hangout: I recommend sticking around a few minutes if you arrive and there is no one there. A lot of folks use a HUD that tells them who is in the hangout, and people will often drop by if they see names pop up on the HUD.

Ned Easterwood · 08-07-2008, 10:44 AM

I do need to check that out, since one of my girls is the Goddess of the official forums. I can go in and say I'm Brenda's domme - that shoudl be a good conversation starter.

Lexxi Gynoid · 08-07-2008, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bilbo99 emu

should work with forum cartel hangout Derek, or just 'map' to Allana, then it's the bar on stilts just south of centre

The map one (open map, put Allana in it, teleport), will lead you to a large for sale plot of land. Next to it is a blocked parcel (I think it has a "buy pass" border up). Go the direction of the giant white dome. At some point you will find a bull (depending on your direction), or a building (the hangout). The bull is on the hangout land, ride or not, but the gang hangs out, tends to do so, up at the building or down by the fire pit with the pig on a spit.

Or you can put Allana in the map search, look at what appears, and move your red circle thingie down to the bottom edge of Allana, and tp there.

Beebo Brink · 08-07-2008, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arilynn

I do know 3 deaf/hoh who joined SL and quit. Part of the reason was they felt SL was really a hearing place, but they are in different situations and also had other problems with SL.

That could be an issue in Voice-enabled areas or among groups of people who use Voice, but I have studiously ignored Voice myself. For me, the immersion quality of SL isn't compatible with Voice, and I know I'm not the only hearing-enabled resident who feels that way. Anyone who doesn't like my unwillingness to abandon type doesn't need to talk to me anyway.

Lexxi Gynoid · 08-07-2008, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beathag McMahon

I do need to check that out, since one of my girls is the Goddess of the official forums. I can go in and say I'm Brenda's domme - that shoudl be a good conversation starter.

If nothing else, I was there last night naked and bound. And there were a bunch of women barely clothed and holding whips. And a man wearing a thong dancing in front of another man. But then you have already seen me naked and bound.

Wow, sounds like a kinky place now that I state what happened last night.

Derek Tafler · 08-07-2008, 10:52 AM

Some comments which I hope will assist Arilynn - if not then I will edit my post accordingly.

At some time in my recent past I had a very close internet friend who also disclosed that she was deaf. This gave me a problem to deal with, since my greatest passion at that time (and still) was/is classical guitar music, and I used to play the local amateur circuits, and I dearly wanted to share this with her. After considering the issue in depth, I came to the conclusion that this was MY problem alone - not my friend's. Thus I just accepted it. It was unfair of me to share my guitar interests with her.

I can understand people showing a natural curiosity, but not making it a topic in chat ... (if i read that correctly).

I hope you find that with increased time in SL, you become less self conscious of other people's attitudes, and find your own comfortable niche - the cartel sounds a great place.

Editted PS: I prefer threads which meander off course slightly now and again !

Lexxi Gynoid · 08-07-2008, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derek Tafler

I hope you find that with increased time in SL, you become less self conscious of other people's attitudes, and find your own comfortable niche - the cartel sounds a great place.

Back when Voice was being added there was loud talk about how the hangout would never have voice enabled. I am not sure if it is now, haven't looked recently, but the early people there were seemingly against voice.

Oh, and there is at least one hard of hearing person that spends time at the hangout. Which does not, in of itself, mean anything. heh

oh! Wanted to note: Anyone that hasn't been there yet should know that if you just put cartel into the search box you might (haven't looked in a while) end up accidently teleporting to a bondage club. Well, for that matter, putting "Forum" into search will take you to a bondage friendly place (well, the search results will include the Forum, will not automatically teleport you there).

Arilynn · 08-07-2008, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derek Tafler

Some comments which I hope will assist Arilynn - if not then I will edit my post accordingly.

At some time in my recent past I had a very close internet friend who also disclosed that she was deaf. This gave me a problem to deal with, since my greatest passion at that time (and still) was/is classical guitar music, and I used to play the local amateur circuits, and I dearly wanted to share this with her. After considering the issue in depth, I came to the conclusion that this was MY problem alone - not my friend's. Thus I just accepted it. It was unfair of me to share my guitar interests with her.

I can understand people showing a natural curiosity, but not making it a topic in chat ... (if i read that correctly).

I hope you find that with increased time in SL, you become less self conscious of other people's attitudes, and find your own comfortable niche - the cartel sounds a great place.

Very helpful. Thanks, Derek.

I think you right - I need to be less self-conscious. This has been a problem from the start with SL. I freak myself out over other people and their problems/perceptions/understandings. This problem - talking to people without them knowing I am deaf - is not something that could happen IRL so it is very odd to me and doesn't help with the self-consciousness.

A lot of people in SL seem passionate about music. But maybe this is because the person who has done the most to get me involved in SL runs a music club and only goes to other music clubs (she is wonderful and I would have quit one day except she befriended me as I was going to logout). So I now spend most of my time in these places, which is ironic.

I'll try the cartel again. Thanks.

Arilynn · 08-07-2008, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexxi Gynoid

oh! Wanted to note: Anyone that hasn't been there yet should know that if you just put cartel into the search box you might (haven't looked in a while) end up accidently teleporting to a bondage club. Well, for that matter, putting "Forum" into search will take you to a bondage friendly place (well, the search results will include the Forum, will not automatically teleport you there).

So in your other post, when you talked about bondage, where you talking about the forum cartel or these bondage clubs?

Lexxi Gynoid · 08-07-2008, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arilynn

So in your other post, when you talked about bondage, where you talking about the forum cartel or these bondage clubs?

When I used to tell people about the "Forum Cartel Hangout" they would nod. Eventually I learned they thought I was talking about some "Cartel" place that was a kink place. I do not recall if I have been there or not, and it was a year ago or something like that. I've been to the "Forum" - it is a lovely several Sim place that is calm and relaxed. I've ridden on the back of my horse through it (and on the back of my motorcycle). I have a friend who I can only ever find at the Forum, though it has been a while.

The bondage stuff I mentioned earlier? That was at the Forum Cartel Hangout in Allana.

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08-07-2008, 10:18 AM	#127 (permalink)
Madhu Maruti Blue in hue Kickin' it at the cafe Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 486 SL Join Date: Nov 2007 Business: Madhu's Cafe My Mood:	Arilynn, I second Bilbo's enthusiastic recommendation of the cartel hangout. And also I encourage you to hang in there - when you get asked the same questions over and over you start to develop a way to deal with them. I can't count the number of times I've been asked if I'm Indian in RL (and of course, the follow-up questions of why my avatar has an Indian name, or why I run an Indian-themed place, since I am not Indian). While that's not quite the same as you being asked about music, I can tell you that you will in time come to a comfortable and usually effective way to deal with certain questions. __________________ Visit Madhu's Cafe - coffee house in the sky - hang out, chat, fish, enjoy the sounds of classic Bollywood and occasional world music parties - NEW! at Madhu's - watch Bollywood song videos on TV - http://slurl.com/secondlife/Milyang/39/16/701/

08-07-2008, 10:44 AM	#136 (permalink)
Ned Easterwood Mereille's Guy Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Detroit, Mi. Posts: 9,110 SL Join Date: 5/4/2007 My Mood:	I do need to check that out, since one of my girls is the Goddess of the official forums. I can go in and say I'm Brenda's domme - that shoudl be a good conversation starter. __________________ Ned Take 'er easy for all the sinners of the world, dude. Abide. And amen. http://www.dudeism.com/ My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Claymore of Loving Kindness Unitarian Jihad

08-07-2008, 10:10 AM	#126 (permalink)
bilbo99 emu Senior Member Status quo Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Wilts UK Posts: 636 My Mood:	Wow Arilynn, it's so strange when people say of things like this and I just can't ever remember it happening to me. I guess most sociable centres in SL are the clubs but I think in all my time at the forum cartel hangout I've only heard mention of the jukebox stream just a couple of times and it never, never becomes a conversation any more that something like "Jeez! anyone mind if I change this stream?" So, come on over to Allana, just south of dead centre and have some non-musical socialising with a brilliant crowd ... time zones permitting the crowd that is ... more often than not just a handful hee hee Oh and I don't think anyone does Voice either

08-07-2008, 10:19 AM	#128 (permalink)
Arilynn is chasing her tail Mind limit Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 2,042 SL Join Date: Too lazy to look up - July, 2008? Business: Wandering about in a daze. Tabbing out. Blog Entries: 3 My Mood:	Thanks, Charlemagne. You don't think saying I'm not into music is deceptive? It is true, but it doesn't seem completely true to me. Maybe I am wrong. This would not be such an issue, but when almost everyone I meet finds out I'm deaf the whole discussion becomes about that. That is ok in some ways, but it is tiresome after a while and I don't want the relationship to be just that. But because it seems to be such a huge issue to people, I don't want to not say anything right away and have people feel deceived. But I don't want my first reply to be "Good music? No clue! I'm deaf!". I've tried discussion groups and will look for more. I am not a RPer - at all. So I don't think biting people is my future. This seems like a really stupid, weird problem. Sorry to hijack the thread about it.

08-07-2008, 10:23 AM	#129 (permalink)
Derek Tafler Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Coventry UK Posts: 42 SL Join Date: 30-April-08 My Mood:	Is that what to type into map search - cartel forum (in Allana)?

08-07-2008, 10:52 AM	#140 (permalink)
Derek Tafler Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Coventry UK Posts: 42 SL Join Date: 30-April-08 My Mood:	Some comments which I hope will assist Arilynn - if not then I will edit my post accordingly. At some time in my recent past I had a very close internet friend who also disclosed that she was deaf. This gave me a problem to deal with, since my greatest passion at that time (and still) was/is classical guitar music, and I used to play the local amateur circuits, and I dearly wanted to share this with her. After considering the issue in depth, I came to the conclusion that this was MY problem alone - not my friend's. Thus I just accepted it. It was unfair of me to share my guitar interests with her. I can understand people showing a natural curiosity, but not making it a topic in chat ... (if i read that correctly). I hope you find that with increased time in SL, you become less self conscious of other people's attitudes, and find your own comfortable niche - the cartel sounds a great place. Editted PS: I prefer threads which meander off course slightly now and again !