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badkittybeth

I recently had a bought of loneliness in SL and removed a number of "friends" from my friends list because i hadnt spoken to them in a week. Frustrated at the lack of awareness my 50+ friends list had, I decided those who didnt deserve to be there, shouldnt. I suppose i look at it as like my RL friends, if i dont hear from you or see you within a week, considering how often i am on, means you no longer care to be my friend. I often make acceptions for my builder friends/rare loggers(those i know only log on weekends and late at night).

I friend rarely and defriend more often due to lack of interest. I,like to think, i put alot of effort into maintaining a friendship, and simply want it in return.


I was wondering if this seemed fair or am I being a cunterella?

TIA

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"It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob."

Asher Bertrand

Of course it's fair. Look, it's just a computerized list, it's not like you're committing to never talking to them again. It's not like you're sending them a nastygram and telling them off. And a lot of people just throw out the friend offer just to make it easier to find a name when they need to IM for something - it's not always a big personal statement for every. Don't sweat over it.

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sezmra

Okay, let me try this again since SLU ate my response.

I can see where you're coming from, beth.

The majority of those on my friends list are people who thought it'd be cool to friend me and then we never really went anywhere with it. I mean, there ARE people on my list that I consider good friends and would bend over backwards for... but most of the time it seems like the list is used as a "who's still around", for me, than "who can I hang out with today!".

Some people get annoyed if you remove them from your list even though you may have never shared more than 10 minutes, in total, speaking to each other. I know I've run into a couple of those. But, honestly, I think if you're just not compatible or just not into each other or rarely interact - what's the point in being on someone's friends list?

Different people have different ideas of how that works. But nah, I don't think you're being a cunterella!

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Beezle Warburton

A week? o.O

I give people a couple of months at least.

Admittedly, I keep friends on my list if I only ever talked to them once, but can remember who they are.

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Kristian

People I met once don't get much thought when I cut the card.

People who I might have hung with a bit, but I don't hear from a lot, get a bit more leeway, maybe 6 months.

Sometimes I just go crazy and cut cards for the hell of it and put one of those "I've been pruning my friends list. If you were cut and want to be back on, just send me a friend request."

I have a couple cards I save for sentimental value.

caroline ra

I wouldnt agonise over this....I cull the 'friends' list when I have to scroll to much to find a name I want.
I dont even send a 'who the fuck are you' IM to check before removing the name. If I dont recognise it ...its gone
Its not like youre slapping them in the face with a wet fish.
And if youre cunterella then Im Kuntzillarilla!

Charlemagne Allen

I have a lot of people who I don't know on my list or haven't talked to in six months-- I'm partly too lazy to edit it, and partly curious.

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badkittybeth

I'll admit i have a few calling cards, of people NOT on my friends list.
Curiousity, and regret mostly.

Cindy Claveau

Beth, this to me is really an individual choice.

To me, "Friends list" is misnamed. Some of the names on it are, indeed, people I consider friends. But not all. It would be better named as "contacts list" I think. I don't treat it as some kind of social obligation -- if you're on my friends list, it's usually just an easy way to contact each other if we need to. I don't require regular check-ins to stay on my list. You're there until you piss me off

Whenever I've tried to clean it up and delete people I haven't heard from in months, I invariably got a wounded IM "Why did you delete me? Don't you like me anymore?"

I've had to explain that it has nothing to do with liking or not.

Ultimately I've just stopped worrying about it. I have people on my list who I haven't heard from in 2 years and I don't mind. It's not hurting anything by leaving them on there, and every once in a blue moon they'll log in and surprise me with a quick hello.

That method beats the heck out of trying to soothe hurt feelings.

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Summer

Offering someone friendship and accepting friendship in SL doesn't equate to what most of the world would think of as a "friend" they are really just contacts. I made a contact with you, I'd like to have easy access to contact you again cards would be more accurate.

Another example is twitter, facebook, myspace, all social networking sites with the ability to add "friends" , I think the social networker engineers like to use the word friend because of the emotional connection it ties to but that is for their own manipulation of you. I don't take any of those kind of contacts as serious as I do an actual friend, although some of them may be friends or people I hold in high regard but then there are also people I don't really even know on my friendship lists here and there.

I don't bother to prune out a list, why what is the point , I see it as a waste of time. I may adjust lists access to me, via friends/family/monsters/bunnies but unless someone has been a total tool they are left on the list.

I don't have any expectation of a real friendship from someone who is on any of my "friend" lists. I wonder if any of this made sense.

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Victoria Kemsley

My friends list is relativily small

There is a small core of people whom will never be removed (at least till I have another I never wanna talk with anyone ever again mood), and those people I go crawling back to when I come to my senses

The rest...if I havn't spoke with you in a couple weeks or more...bye bye.


After 2 years of SL I will admit I am still a bit fuzzy on friend etiquette. I don't want to appear pushy....but I also don't want them to think I am ignoring them.

Cocoanut Koala

See! There's those prunes again! What'd I tell ya? Stubbornness and idiotic prunes, that's what's ruinin SLU!

coco

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Siobhan OFlynn

I've never removed someone from my friend's list. Ever.

And I've been in SL for nearly 5 years.

But, that's just me.

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Mourna Biziou

Besides a few ppl I can't remember who the hell they were, I've only ever deleted one person from my list. It still pains me. I actually agonized over it. :/

Rather than delete someone, I'm more likely to just remove their ability to see my online status or my location. I'm wierdly private about that stuff.

In your case... it seems like a very short time. I have friends that I may think highly of, but my reclusive nature keeps me from speaking with them at least once per week. But ultimately, as others have said, it's a personal decision. Don't feel guilty, if that's how you want it to be.

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Persephone Milk

I have wonderful friends - far more than I deserve - and I try to give as much of myself as I can to each of them. But I do let some of them down, some of the time, and I feel terrible about it when it happens. And I know I would be hurt deeply if somebody I cared about deleted my card simply because I hadn't contacted them in over a week. I don't think I could ever live up to that standard

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Smokergirl Lowenha

I have a 6ft tall block of granite in my garage that I etch the names of all my victi - I mean freinds onto.
You are on my list forever, even if you don't want to be...

Don Mill

I will keep IMing insane comments to Beth to make sure I remain in the list...

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Vivianne Draper

I have close friends I speak to every day. I have friends I speak to once a week. I have some on my flist I talk to once or twice a year -- if that. But I still like them. They are still my friend. Contact is a two way street. I would never take someone off my flist for not speaking to me in any amount of time. I would take them off if I didn't want to speak to them any more at all. But that doesn't have a time period associated with it.

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Brenda Connolly

I use the term "Friend" loosely as well. I keep a short list, out of the blue requests are ignored, "Too Soons" are politely declined. Of those on my list, some are what I'd consider friends and never get removed, while others are on speed dial for various reasons. Periodically I go over that portion of my list and decide if they need to be there and if not they are removed.

Jorus Xi

The only problem with this is you are putting the onus on "Being a friend" on the other person to always initiate contact. It goes both ways. You can't call someone a bad friend for them not contacting you in a weeks time when tbh you haven't bothered contacting them either.

Brenda Connolly