Love

First, this is not to be a continuation of that other thread. I do not want to talk about the recently banned, and what he did, OK? That thread is closed, so please respect that fact.

But, the airing of PM's has me wondering what is public and what isn't? Not just on the forum, but in-world. PMs, IMs, emails, IRC, or other chat?

What should be held in confidence and when is it appropriate to break that confidence? Should anything be confidential at all?

I'm of the view that if you type it and send off you computer, it's basically public knowledge. That doesn't mean that I censor myself much, but I often do ask myself, "what would happen if this was public" before I press return/submit if there's something sensitive in the content.

What do people see as "moral", or even just good manners? So much of this is a new paradigm, and it's interesting to see how traditional values translate (or don't).

Thoughts?

Alaya

Never say anything in private that you would not want repeated in public.

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Sydney Schanberg

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Love

Words to live by. And often, we forget about that truism. Or we find ourselves in a situation where it doesn't seem so black and white at the time..

Beezle Warburton

"What happens on the internet, stays on the Internet."

The Internet is a vast place.

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Envoy Costagravas

I must disagree. The friend, the lover, the partner that I trust implicitly with the most intimate of personal of matters - these are people who both value the relationship we have and the confidence it engenders. What we discuss with each other, in that confidence, has no business in public. Why? Because both parties deem it so.

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CoyoteMomiji

If someone is using a private medium to try to intimidate me, or harrass me, or get their jollies at my expense, then I see no problem with "breaking confidence" and putting it in the public view.

If it's something told to me in confidence that doesn't cause harm - I won't tell anyone else.*

















*Unless it's really funny. Or scatalogical.

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Slick closed until further notice.

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Dnate Mars

PMs are private messages. Unless there is a very good reason to go public with them, they should stay that way. IMs are more or less a conversations you are having with someone, mostly they should be just between you and them. IRC or posts are public so you have no expectation of privacy on them. E-mails, depends.

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Envoy Costagravas

You promised you'd never mention my scatalog collection!

Asher Bertrand

Agreed. However, outing a pattern of abuse is, in my opinion, one of those valid reasons. Darkness should not be used as a cover for doing wrong.

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Alaya

Whether you trust the person you send a PM to or not, ultimately you are the only one that is responsible for what you say.

If you are ashamed by it, don't say it.

Dnate Mars

What about embarrassed? Or planning a surprise party? Or trying to find the way to express your true love to someone else?

But yes, it does depend on how much you trust the person you are sending the PM too. It also depends on how your relationship with them is.

Joshua Nightshade

I agree. I don't normally share private information, but anything I say to anyone else, even with the caveat of "this is private" I assume is public.

Siyu Suen

I always try to speak the truth, and I always try to think and say better of people than it sometimes is tempting to. It drives people nuts sometimes when I play devil's advocate when they just want to rant though. I find there are definitely things I'd rather be private with, and there are certain select people I take into my confidence and divulge more information than I normally would publicly, or have conversations that effect me deeply. Normally it doesn't have to be said that that stay private. I have to say I can count the people I've been utterly open and trusting with on my digits, and that sort of discrimination keeps those things that I'd like to stay private private. I also think that if you're perceptive, it'll be easy to spot things said in confidence from things said that you wouldn't mind being known to all, but when in doubt, discretion is the better part of valor

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Beezle Warburton

For me, how private something is depends on the person's intent.

If you're having a shit time, and need someone to talk to, that stays private.

If you're IM'ing me to stir shit or to fuck with me, that goes public. If you hadn't noticed, I tend to be rather blunt and straightforward, so game-playing *will* be escalated publicly.

Envoy Costagravas

Doesn't have to be shame. Someone with an illness or personal condition that could affect their work status if made public, but feeling the need for comfort and concord from private discussion with a friend, might very well rely on the trust of said friend.

To violate a trust like that, under those conditions, would be beneath contempt.

Joshua Nightshade

Well I have to disagree with this.

While I realize I'm probably in a small minority feeling this way, and respect those who don't, for me any issue that I feel "confidence" towards about myself I really don't. I feel secrecy begets blackmail, shadows beget a weapon. No detail about my life can ever be used against me in the capacity of "I know this about you and I will spread it around to hurt you" because every detail about my life is about as open as can be to anyone of my close friends or total strangers. I don't say or do anything I'm ashamed of or fear others knowing about.

I approach every situation that way.

I know that not everyone else acts this way, and I respect the confidences of those who don't, but I feel that my stance significantly reduces my stress and fear level.

Stankleberry Sullivan

If I were being an asshole to someone in PMs, I would think that they'd post my messages up. That just makes sense.

Bams

What two people say between them, under the assumption of privacy, should remain that way. Exchanges between lovers, close friends, etc.

I also think it's completely unacceptable for one of those persons to make the information public for any reason. Including revenge or whatever. I have seen instances where friends have made public information about someone they feel had jilted them and that was how they set about making themselves feel better... that isn't right.

If someone is harassing, abusing or otherwise molesting someone via any media, then making that information public serves the common good. There can be no expectation of privacy in that instance.

Fred Up

Who got banned? What'd they do? Is it a matter of public record? If so, link please.

Bard Jameson

Note to myself: Never say anything of what I really think or feel to these people

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Beezle Warburton

I do all the time. Probably getting a reputation as being a bit nuts.

Asher Bertrand

You mean you didn't really mean what you just said?

caroline ra

I dont chat to many ppl in IM and when I do its usually a disaster so I dont worry too much about disclosure from ppl

My IM history goes something like this...

1st type....
me: your rent is due today
tenant: how much


2nd type...
total stranger: thats a nice dress
me: piss off you weirdo

Charlemagne Allen

"I trust no one, not even myself."

Joseph Stalin

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Briana Dawson

I would only only post a PM if the person was harassing me. To qualify as harassing me they would have to circumvent the ignore i would have used after the first PM that made me uncomfortable, or threatened my life or the life of my family & friends.

Yes this is odd. It is NOT o.k. to harass someone in PM, but it IS o.k. to harass them in front of everyone even if that means you are making comments, name calling and groans continuously and unnecessarily in nearly every thread that person posts in.