SLUniverse Forums - Blogs - MenuBar in Hell by MenuBar Memorial http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/ Second Life discussion forum and photo sharing en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 09:07:56 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/images/styles/bingo/misc/rss.jpg SLUniverse Forums - Blogs - MenuBar in Hell by MenuBar Memorial http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/ INTERNET SHUTDOWN USA http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/100-internet-shutdown-usa.html Sat, 19 Apr 2008 21:49:47 GMT A Basic Survival Guide - by Agnes Jane Coxhucker, BFD Analyst

Everybody's heard by now about the plans to close down the internet for vital updates to the infrastructure. You can already feel the initial reverberations; websites loading slower, browser crashes, periodic IP outages, etc. Now's the time to start preparing for whatever is to come. But all is not as bad as it may sound.


Agnes Jane Coxhucker, BFD Analyst

Since we don't know how long the outage will last, or even the geographical extent of the blackout, most of what you read today is supposition and hearsay. The aging dARPAnet structure is still indeed the backbone to all internet communications in the US and in dire need of modernization after all these years. If we are to keep up with the rest of the world in terms of internet connectivity, we need to rebuild at the very center.

The major question is, how important to the structure of the internet is dARPAnet today? It is the common opinion that every ISP in the United States is essentially tied into the network, so a shutdown in the very core would probably affect the entire United States and possibly as far reaching as Canada and Mexico. Nobody knows how long the outage will last or how "world-wide" the WWW will be once it returns.

A coast-to-coast internet outage may not be as bad as it sounds. Of course, many internet related services will be on-hold for the duration. People with internet enabled alarms in their homes and businesses will need to replace them temporarily with manually controlled units. Shipping and deliveries will need to be handled over the phone. Companies that depended upon sending files electronically will need to use the old "SneakerNet" method; hiring local couriers or by mailing the files on disks. This will painfully slow down the work of advertising companies and insurance sales, but most others won't even notice.

Web browsers will still work. Although you won't be able to connect to any on-line sites, many people already know that you can use them as an image/PDF viewer or to view sites that have already been downloaded to your hard-drive. One way companies might cope in this transitory time would be to manually mail out disks to customers with copies of their web sites on the disk for easy viewing off-line. Many of the popular and trendy social networking sites should probably have already instructed their users on how to save their sites offline so they can view them later.

All the major web browser companies are currently working to make offline compatible upgrades to their browsers. Not everybody will upgrade (as we all know "upgrade" means slower, less compatible and more bugs), but those who do upgrade will enjoy the extra features included in the new browsers. One of the promised options would be the ability to rent video disks from your local video rental store which will play right in the new browsers - without the need for installing plug-ins or players!

Most of your favorite games and programs will still work just fine. We will always be able to use MS Word, PowerPoint and spreadsheet programs. Graphic and video production tools will still work just fine for the creative pros, and the kids will always be entertained by the massive assortment of games available with single-player options.

As Americans, we might find it hard to imagine a whole country's internet being disabled for any amount of time, much less on the possible scale of years, but in actuality, internet usage is just one aspect of what computer users do, and I don't think it will make as much of an impact as people are led to believe.

All rights reserved. INTERNET SHUTDOWN USA© 2008. All these opinions expressed here are not the opinions of anybody who cannot undeniably claim them as untrue whether true or false or not. This message should be copied or transmitted without the written consent of the answer man and proof of such writing in any non-written format without the due oversight of at least two victims. Not to be used as a flotation device. ]]> MenuBar Memorial http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/100-internet-shutdown-usa.html <![CDATA[SL™ for Idjits - or - Why I Can't Teach]]> http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/87-second-life-idjits-why-i.html Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:17:32 GMT
by Race Bannon

I think I know what I'm doing. I'm an amateur developer with over a dozen shareware programs in public use, and through my years of computer usage and out of necessity, I've had to learn a lot more about them outside my normal field of studies.

So, sometimes people come to me for advice...

In my heart, I truly want to help them have a more "user-friendly" experience. I know a lot of ways to make a computer friendlier, happier, and easier to use, and I'm always enthusiastic about sharing my knowledge with others. So I'm the exact person to talk to when one has a problem, one would think.

Here's where the whole deal goes south very quickly...

If you're a teacher in SL, I applaud you! When you teach a person, you might say something like...

YOU: Okay, open preferences and reduce draw distance to 198M.

And the other person would respond;

PERSON: Okay, done.

Easy! Right?

Well for me it's different. Invariably my one-on-one teaching sessions usually go like this...

ME: Open preferences and reduce draw distance to 198.

THEM: What if I set it up to 2400?

ME: No, that's doing the opposite of what we want, set it to 198.

THEM: Okay.

ME: Now, set your graphics slider to LOW.

THEM: Do I have to change the draw distance again?

ME: No.

THEM: Okay, I'll leave draw distance at 2400.

ME: No, wait. I said to set that at 198.

THEM: Okay I'll reset it, but I know it won't make any difference.

ME: It will. Now, did you set graphics settings to low?

THEM: Nah, I like it on high settings. Last night I was camping and three zombies were greyed-out so I keep it high and yadda, yadda, yadda (1 hour)...

ME: Okay, just do *exactly* what I say for a minute...

THEM: Okay, jeeze! You're so friggin' impatient! Besides, I've done all this crap before and nothing works. SL is just plain laggy sucky!

ME: Well, just relax and we'll go through it one step at a time. I guarantee you'll be less laggy after you do this...

THEM: (sigh) Okay Jeeze! Which window should I change these preferences in?

ME: Which window? The preferences windo...

THEM: No stupid! Which SL WINDOW?

ME: SL window? Are you running two SL clients?

THEM: Three.

ME: The hell you need 3 SL clients running for? No wonder you're lagging ass...

THEM: I always run 3, sometimes 4! I need one at my store, one is camping, and the other I'm not really even using, it's just saving a camping chair for a friend.

ME: And you called me on Skype?

THEM: Yeah, hang on a sec, my pixelwife is IMming me on Yahoo.

ME: Three clients, Yahoo, Skype. Do you have anything else running on your machine?

THEM: I told you NO stupid, jeeze. Hang on, I gotta get this Photoshop window outta the way.

ME: ...and Photoshop. Let me guess now - are you also running any P2P software?

THEM: No, no, no! That's my son - when he's not playing WoW on his machine, he's BitTorrenting maps for other games. Hang on, I think iTunes is done downloading that movie I rented.

ME: ...and your son, is he using the same internet connection as you?

THEM: No, stupid! We have a wireless network in our house! He's using HIS OWN computer! Jeeze! He says WoW is NOWHERE NEAR as laggy as this SL crap! LL should fire everybody and get some good workers there!

ME: Um, yeah... That sure would reduce your lag problem I guess.

THEM: They need to get rid of all these copybots in camping chairs! There's 60,000 people on right now and I'll bet 59,998 are copybots!

ME: Really? You think so?

THEM: Yeah! Don't you read blogs? Jeeze, for someone who thinks they know it all you sure are uninformed! Those boys at LL couldn't code their way out of a wet paper bag and...

ME: To be fair, some of them are women...

THEM: They make you *THINK* they're women, but they're really guys wearing women's alts!

ME: Really? Wow, who woulda thunk...

THEM: Yeah, and the reason I can't TP to the overcrowded camping area is because they're adding all sorts of shiny eye-candy to SL and totally ignoring everybody! They don't seem to realize that all we want to do is sit in camping chairs!

ME: Yeah! You should probably write a blog post or something! Give 'em hell!

THEM: Take VOICE for example! NOBODY in camping chairs uses it so why did they include it if nobody uses it? Just plain stupid! If I want to talk using my voice, I have Skype, Yahoo, AOL and AIM!

ME: You may have a point there - maybe put your hat in your lap and nobody will notice.

THEM: What? Yeah! And I know this Windlight sh¡t is gonna crash me, so I ain't even gonna install it.

ME: Well, considering it's the actual updated viewer you're talking about, which includes dozens of bug fixes, is less laggy and more stable...

THEM: YEAH! They're going to be *FORCING* me to use it!!!

ME: Well, nobody's forcing you to do anything, but many of the improvements directly address the problems you seem to be having, and...

THEM: Yeah, right. I'll believe that when I see it.

ME: Here's an idea - download the new upgrade and try it.

THEM: No frickin' way man. I read one blog post where a guy lost all his land with windlight.

ME: He lost all his land because of windlight? How do you figure that?

THEM: That's what his post said on the blog! He says he didn't do nothin' and he lost it all to a copybot! Go ahead and read it!

ME: Yeah, I don't think I need to read it to know he's...

THEM: And another guy says he still gets his attachments up his butt when he TPs. I'm so sick of pulling my 500-prim gorean boots outta my ass!

ME: You have 500-prim boots?

THEM: Each, yeah. But that's nothing, my slave-control belt is over 1000 prims, and that's not counting the particle chains and cages and stuff! You should see it! Slave girls aren't allowed to look at it, so it's mostly hidden under my flexi-coat. You don't even know its there unless I have my fireball face-light orbiting around me.

ME: Uh, let's get back to your "lag problem"...

THEM: Yeah, if LL would fix this sh¡t I wouldn't be having these problems.

ME: Right... Listen, do you know the "Quick-Trick" to make SL faster?

THEM: "Quick-Trick?" No, never heard of it.

ME: Try this, in each SL client window... hold down your Windoze Key and type "QUICK" and it will make SL run better.

THEM: (silence)

ME: ...hello?

THEM: (user has logged off)

ME: ...aah, lag problem solved. ]]> MenuBar Memorial http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/87-second-life-idjits-why-i.html <![CDATA[Watchin' TeeVee - SURVIVORMAN doesn't smoke]]> http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/43-watchin-teevee-survivorman-doesnt-smoke.html Fri, 25 Jan 2008 03:09:09 GMT

- by Hank Furious

Okay, so I'm watching TV and there's this show "SurvivorMan" where this guy puts himself in a survival situation in the wilderness for several days and shows how one might get through it alive.

This particular episode, he's stranded in the snowy cold northland somewhere up in Canada where they only speak French. In his "survival kit", he has a wool blanket, a "multi-tool" (basically a Swiss Army Knife), a sharp axe, and a "survival saw" for cutting wood.

"I never go ANYWHERE without a good multi-tool" he says. Apparently he's never boarded an airplane in the US - hell, that hat alone is enough to get him tagged as a terrorist.

It occurs to me - why the heck doesn't this guy ever think to pack a simple $1.98 Bic Lighter in his "survival kit"? Rather he's sitting in the woods trying to strike a fire using sticks, tin cans, batteries, a used condom and a razor blade, etc. that sorta thing.

And when he *DOES* remember to pack some fire device it's usually matches! HELLO!! 1950 called and wants you to stop stinking up the place with your sulfurous matches, daddy-o!

I don't smoke much - maybe a half-pack a day and incidental bong hits here and there (medicinal purposes only of course - it alleviates the pain of a laggy sim), but even I carry a Bic around with me everywhere I go!

The mastery of fire is one of the major things that separates mankind from animals. You can have the fattest Swiss Army Knife, but it ain't gonna start a fire in a rainy night in the jungle like a good ol' Bic will!

I'd love to be on a commercial air flight gone down in the jungle and when it comes time to start a fire, everybody looks at me with my Bic lighter and I'd be all like "Oh, so NOWWW the smoker's the GOOD GUY eh? You wouldn't let me toke up on the plane, but now it's like 'Oh Hank, please give us a light'. Well the shoe's on the OTHER FOOT now buckaroos! I'm starting my OWN fire over here and if you want to look at it, it'll cost ya 50¢ - and to warm your hands or dry your clothes, it's a buck. Cough it up non-smokers! Doesn't seem so bad for my health NOW does it huh?"

Sure, I'd probably run out of smokes after a day or two, and then they'd kill me for being such a whiney biatch trying to bum smokes off of everyone. They'd steal my lighter, cook me and eat me, and whoever ended up with the lighter would be King of the Jungle!

After they kill the fat kid by dropping a boulder on his head, they'll be rescued and tell the world about the importance of carrying a Bic Lighter around with you.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is that you need to have a good cigarette lighter with you at all times, or you may die. The cheap ones are tolerable in a pinch, but they fall apart and fail a lot. A good flick of the Bic is the only way to go.

Being the man of action that I am, I use mine in survival situations all the time...

Besides being used to make fire, it makes a nice soft hammer for banging on tiny things or squishing poisonous bugs. With a little practice you can pop the tops off of beer or soda-pop bottles with it. If you need to hold down a key on your computer, you can jimmy the lighter in there sideways, cramp it in tight and maybe put a stapler on top of it somehow. If you still have an 8-track tape player in your car, you can kind-of wedge the bic lighter between the tape cartridge and the knob on the radio so that it plays on the proper track whenever you make a sharp left turn. I've also used them to destroy machinery - just toss one into the gears and watch what happens!

So, my advice would be - carry a Bic Lighter around with you wherever you go. The risk of it exploding in your pocket, or leaking and turning you into a human torch are minor compared to what it can do in an emergency situation. ]]> MenuBar Memorial http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/43-watchin-teevee-survivorman-doesnt-smoke.html President Carter and the Alien Proctor http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/29-president-carter-alien-proctor.html Wed, 28 Nov 2007 01:16:10 GMT An interesting part of American history that is often overlooked is the Alien University Incident that took place during the Jimmy Carter... An interesting part of American history that is often overlooked is the Alien University Incident that took place during the Jimmy Carter administration in 1978.


Proctor Twat Morgan Doll circa 1979

To refresh the memory of those who were not born yet or were victims of the Disco Mindwash and Max Headroom subliminal hypnosis experiments, there was a short visitation by several alien students from a university on Beta Reticulous (a small cluster near Arcturus Prime) led by an alien being known as Proctor Twat Morgan.

The scientific community met the space travelers early in the morning of June 25th and arrangements were made for an official press conference and meeting with the President of the United States to be broadcast worldwide.

Before the big press conference, scientists had a short time to speak with the aliens concerning their modes of interstellar travel and other subjects of mutual interest. These talks with the aliens revealed that their society functioned perfectly without any concept of money or finances, no laws, no police or military, and that the inhabitants led a blissfully happy symbiotic relationship with their planet's resources, consuming what the planet doesn't need, and exuding the nutrients the planet does need in return through a simple waste management theory.

The leader of the alien group, Proctor Twat Morgan, assured the scientific community that many of these concepts are simple ideas that can easily be adopted by humans to completely solve many of Earth's major problems within an amazingly short time period.

At this point, let me describe the physical appearance of the aliens, in case you doubt if something that works for one species would work for humans...

Three of the alien students were male, four were female. Very human in appearance, except shorter with a slightly pallid grayness to their skins and large, dark almond-shaped eyes. All wore no clothing, except for Proctor Twat Morgan, who was thinner than the others and stood about a good meter taller than the rest. He wore a full body green synthetic "skin" from his feet to his neck, even forming gloves over his hands. The females had rounder bellies than the males, and protruding breasts. The males had wider forearms, and a "camel-toe" type of pouch which covers their retractable genitalia.

The males in the group delighted in causing the Proctor distress, as it was his job to keep the students in line during their visit. All three males seemed to have severe gas and would loudly "cut loose", laughing hysterically as Twat tried to maintain civility among the group.

The press corps were assembled in the White House for the first official confirmation of alien visitations, while President Carter and his staff gathered in the Green Room to meet the aliens beforehand and brief them on the upcoming press conference.

There was an audible gasp as the aliens entered the room. The Proctor effortlessly glided across the room, graciously extended his hand to the President and proudly announced "My name is Twat."

The President stood in stunned silence, eyes blinking, hand still extended, Secretary of State, Cyrus Vance, did a remarkable "spit-take" with a mouthful of coffee and Walter Mondale burst into a spontaneous guffaw, while the women in the room blushed and twittered.

Proctor Twat looked around the room, confused and perplexed at their response. "Is there a problem?" he inquired.

"You're damned right there's a problem," choked Mondale, "we can't let you go out there in front of millions of television viewers insulting their goddamned sense of dignity!"

Cyrus Vance wiped the coffee from his shirt with his tie saying "...pardon me Mr. President, but the press is waiting. We have 20 minutes to get this over with and then we're off to Camp David with Anwar."

"This is a serious consideration," Carter asserted "I honestly don't think the world is ready for this such a word on television."

Press Secretary Shirley Jacobs intervened "I can't believe you are all being so juvenile! It's only a WORD for christ's sakes!"

Mondale lunged across the room at her like a moose pouncing on its prey, boldly shouting "Put a sock in it 'Edith'! Your kind is what's gonna drive this country to the dogs! How would you like your innocent little children riding the bus to school Monday morning discussing 'Twat'? You'd probably get your rocks off on it wouldn't you - huh! - wouldn't you?!?!"

He grasped her tightly by the throat and positioned his shaking fist inches before her reddening face "You'd probably LIKE THAT wouldn't you! You'd probably..."

"Easy, easy there Walter. Put the poor girl down won't you." Carter intervened, "She's plenty new at the job, boy, and she gots a whole buncha press people outside a-waitin' on us to..."

Before he could finish, Mondale violently smashed his fist into her nose, slamming it up into her cranium and smashing the back of her skull against the concrete reinforced wall. As her bloodied body slunk to the ground, he pulled a .45 calibre derringer from his garter and pumped 3 rounds into her lifeless chest.

"WALTER! WTF HAVE YOU DONE!?!?!" screamed the President as Mondale licked the blood from his hands.

"You said to put her down, so I put her down, like you said. What? I'm supposed to stop following orders just because there's some goddamned aliens in the room?"

"No, Walter, I said 'put her down' because you had her up a good foot off a the ground, boy. I didn't mean put her down like 'kill her' for christ sakes. Now we have some kinda incident on our hands here."

"Sir, 10 minutes 'til our flight leaves for Camp David - what shall I tell the press?" enquired Vance.

"Cy, Anwar can wait! Can't you see we have a major problem here?"

Mondale lifts the phone and says "You go on to Camp David without me. I'll call 'The Cleaners' to come out and take care of this mess. We'll need a car with tinted windows that WON'T BREAK DOWN and plenty of towels. This will be gone before your plane touches down, sir."

"Good man, Walter. See to it that it's done. And take care of the aliens too will you?"

"Yeah," Mondale glared through clenched teeth "I'll take care of them alright." ]]> MenuBar Memorial http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/blogs/menubar+memorial/29-president-carter-alien-proctor.html