Never mind this blog....

EDIT: Never mind this blog. I went to a meeting today and talked about my issues, and was re-let known that the reason they don't think people should hang out with those who aren't in the program is because "if you hang out at a barber shop, you'll eventually get a haircut" and that they're not *judging* me for hanging out at other places, but that they're worried for me. I assured them that there's nothing to worry about. I also talked about how there aren't any get-togethers (like at Denny's or something) after the meetings, and was let known that if I really want a get-together, maybe *I* should be the one to initiate it, so I did tonight and there was a nice meeting.

So I wasn't editing this blog once again, I've decided to leave it in tact. The following including my response to it, is what I was going through before, so read it with a grain of salt:








If, I repeat IF I continue to go to any meetings at all, it will be Marijuana Anonymous meetings instead of Narcotics Anonymous meetings.

I am going to have to go to a couple more NA meetings to say my goodbye.

I do NOT have a problem with alcohol, but weed, because of its very nature in the fact that--well, what is "too high"? It doesn't really exist with weed, the only way to get "too high" is to smoke so much that you fall asleep.

I've been actually DRUNK a total of 3 times in my life. The most often I've ever drank is weekends, and that was only enough to get a buz.

The biggest thing that I've had a problem with in NA is that people at the meetings are constantly saying "Don't hang out with anyone who isn't in the program." Oh, that's nice, so I should block myself from being friends with 99.9% of the population. That's "great". Yep, that makes me "happy". No, it doesn't, it makes me feel like I'm part of some elitist group of people who snub their noses at those who don't do the same thing as them, and I'm getting tired of it--I know that not hanging out with people who aren't in the program is "supposed" to be for my own good, but I've not really struggled when I have.

You know that camping trip I went to? I had a GREAT time there--but people at the meetings told me I shouldn't go because some people there would be drinking and doing weed. In actuality, I was the ONLY person there who didn't either smoke weed OR do alcohol, and I was fine with it.

I'm sick of not going out anywhere except for meetings.

I don't see anything wrong with having a beer or a mixed drink as long as I'm not getting shitfaced or doing it to try to cover up my emotions.

When I first turned 21, I looked like I was 16--125 pounds, very child-like, and when I went to a bar the first time on my 21st birthday, three bartenders looked over my ID for about 10 minutes to make sure it wasn't fake before they let me in. Then after I went in, I proceeded to order a pepsi, and then a sprite. It just hasn't really ever been a problem with me.

I'd really like to go hang out at some bars that play live music again. I haven't done that for MONTHS now, and it's because I'm told that I shouldn't hang out at bars because "I'm an addict". Fuck that.

I'm tired of separating myself from the rest of the world. I'm tired of listening to the same material from the official text being read for 15-20 minutes EVERY meeting (I'm falling asleep at meetings when the readings are going on), I'm tired of working steps that with the exception of "give all your problems to God", I've been doing since I was a teenager, I'm just tired of NA.

Am I wrong for this? Am I being selfish? I don't think I am wrong or selfish for this, I think I'm being reasonable, but maybe someone can "open my eyes to my wrongs". I'd like to have A LIFE, even if I end up mainly hanging out on SL and DJing and socializing there--at least have SOME sort of a life besides going to NA meetings. I basically stopped DJing in SL except for one day a week (Tuesdays from 3-5pm at Spotlight at Manifesto) because of NA meetings that take place during the times hangouts are happening in SL.