Playing defense
Posted 08-28-2008 at 01:42 AM by Arilynn
I was recently drafted into helping my sister with a bridal shower for a friend of hers. I don't know this friend, or any of her friends. I'm also not wild about bridal showers as most of them seem to tip into stupidity after a wimpy brunch/lunch.
It was the first big social event I have been to since joining SL in which I know no one (except my sister - a fact I can't change
). It was odd comparing SL to this RL event. A few years ago, I could have followed the conversation - not easily or perfectly, but well enough to feel somewhat a part of what was going on. And I am by nature a very social, outgoing person. But now I couldn't and can't be. So I stayed in the kitchen, cleaning up, and watched them have what appeared to be a good time.
I thought about text in SL and how much easier that is. This made me wonder why this exact situation - a pre-assembled social group of strangers - makes me so uncomfortable in SL. It should be easy to walk into a group like that and start talking (and it is something I can do in event discussions, although these drain my will to live). It occurred to me in a sudden moment of clarity that this is a defense mechanism IRL. Without it, at this point, I think I would be crushed by the inability to participate. Unfortunately, I have carried this over to SL.
Maybe the aphorism is true and recognizing a problem is the first step in solving it. But I hate aphorisms, so maybe recognizing a problem simply means you finally see the obvious - and seeing is different than solving. I don't know. It seems hard all the way around.
Thus ends another episode of Whining with Ari. It is also an apology for the bitchiness I have been slinging around here for the last few days, but in putting it here I am attempting to reduce the drama and public whining/navel gazing/hemorrhaging, which no one, including me, wants to see.
It was the first big social event I have been to since joining SL in which I know no one (except my sister - a fact I can't change
). It was odd comparing SL to this RL event. A few years ago, I could have followed the conversation - not easily or perfectly, but well enough to feel somewhat a part of what was going on. And I am by nature a very social, outgoing person. But now I couldn't and can't be. So I stayed in the kitchen, cleaning up, and watched them have what appeared to be a good time.I thought about text in SL and how much easier that is. This made me wonder why this exact situation - a pre-assembled social group of strangers - makes me so uncomfortable in SL. It should be easy to walk into a group like that and start talking (and it is something I can do in event discussions, although these drain my will to live). It occurred to me in a sudden moment of clarity that this is a defense mechanism IRL. Without it, at this point, I think I would be crushed by the inability to participate. Unfortunately, I have carried this over to SL.
Maybe the aphorism is true and recognizing a problem is the first step in solving it. But I hate aphorisms, so maybe recognizing a problem simply means you finally see the obvious - and seeing is different than solving. I don't know. It seems hard all the way around.
Thus ends another episode of Whining with Ari. It is also an apology for the bitchiness I have been slinging around here for the last few days, but in putting it here I am attempting to reduce the drama and public whining/navel gazing/hemorrhaging, which no one, including me, wants to see.
Total Comments 7
Comments
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/hugs
Don't worry-- you'll find some people whom you know and trust in SL.
Posted 08-28-2008 at 10:11 AM by Charlemagne Allen
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Wanna hear a secret? I suck at social situations in SL. I do ok on a forum but when I am in SL and TP into a crowded place I actually hope I can move about quietly. It puts me on edge to TP in and have people greet me. I know they are trying to be nice but for some reason I just want to slip in and get what I need to get done and not be talked to. Odd, huh?
This never applies to porting in where friends or people I know from here, etc are. But even when I end up in those situations I am like a fly on the wall. I will talk some, but never feel a part of what is going on. Often I don't stay long either.
So, you are not alone.
But shhhh.. that is a secret.
Posted 08-30-2008 at 12:11 AM by Macphisto Angelus 
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Just do what I do.
Type random nonsense..
In a large group of people its a 50/50 chance it'll make sensePosted 08-30-2008 at 02:22 PM by Lucifer Baphomet - oopsPosted 09-04-2008 at 10:35 AM by Seventh Auer
Updated 09-04-2008 at 10:39 AM by Seventh Auer (screwed up my first post...) - I must be extremely lucky, I joined SL and on my very first day, totally by happenstance, (although I do believe in serendipity) I found someone who I just love and enjoy being with...so much so, I feel like I monopolize her time...
We've had a lot of fun together, sitting in swings, giving each other back rubs, exploring new places together, yesterday, we went swimming together with several of her SL friends; that she was kind enough to introduce me to. Most importantly, we sit and talk for hours, I didn’t think a virtual life could be so fulfilling. Second life for me has been a tremendously enjoyable experience...something totally new and exciting.
I’ve never been a part of a virtual social network or group like this before; this is a first for me. I own a dot com firm, and play the Internet as many do SL. I have over 200 websites, all designed to sell my products and services, I wonder sometimes if I could be half as creative in RL as many of these people are in SL, how successful I could really be.
What an awesome experience, thanks so much for sharing.Posted 09-04-2008 at 10:35 AM by Seventh Auer -
Thanks so much for the comments. I haven't looked at them or this blog except for Char's early on as I have been completely embarassed by my public emo explosion extravaganza. Every time I thought about reading the comments or seeing what I wrote, I just winced.
Now having looked at them, I just have this urge to hug you all (Watch you hands, Luc!
). Warning: What follows is more emo. Please control your gag reflex. Reading them has made me feel less like two parts idiot and one part alien being from the Land of Weirdo.
And Luc, I
your suggestion. 
Posted 09-06-2008 at 12:36 AM by Arilynn -
Does adding a comment over a month later count as necroposting?
This topic reminded me of my reaction to the first SL party I attended -- I retreated in shell-shock to a corner and tried to suppress the desire to run away.
There were avatars everywhere, too many for me to keep track of when I was still learning how to cam around. There was a DJ on the media channel, the Chat Log was scrolling by at what seemed an impossibly fast rate, and people kept IMing me to say hello. I couldn't process that much information coming at me from so many different directions, and I was feeling distinctly like an old fogey who had outlived her time.
Now, over a year later, I wouldn't even blink at the same kind of event. I've learned how to juggle windows to track all the conversations, I have a HUD to track avatars. Because the SL interface is second nature to me now, I can handle more incoming information, even juggling a half-dozen IMs in the middle of a party.
In short, I've adapted. I thought it was all beyond my capability, but it isn't. Evidently I'm not too old after all, to learn new tricks.Posted 10-11-2008 at 09:36 AM by Beebo Brink
