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Originally Posted by Misty Harley  The thing is though, she's not a reasonable child. Neither one of my kids are. (that's one of my biggest pet peeves, the thought that people have "easy" children.) They push boundries all the time and that's what they are supposed to do. It's up to me to figure out how to teach them about pushing some boundries that can be very dangerous for them. I'm not saying spanking a child is the evil of all parenting but I do think ALL kids can be raised without spanking and ALL children CAN learn just as well about dangers and proper behavior without it as well.
You do have to take a child's personality into consideration and that's were creative thinking comes in. It's not above my parenting skills to 'trick' my children into realizing dangers and have done it before. We let our oldest wander a mall whens he was younger (she's 12 now) when she walked away from us. We were there with her, a bit behind her where we could see her at all times. But she *thought* she was alone and panicked when someone approached her. That's how SHE learned not to wander away from us.
Taking childrens personality into the parenting equation is a must. Using that as a reason to spank, is not. What's wrong with "I spank because as a parent, *I* feel it's proper parenting" versus "I spank because that's the only way my child will learn, they are difficult!" Aren't ALL kids difficult in some degree? |
I think in the end where I stand on it is that as long as its done with a cool head and sound judgment (
never purely out of anger), physical punishment can be incredibly effective and lasting. It should be a last or near to last resort after other avenues have been exhausted.
Of course all kids can and will be difficult, I'm not saying one type of kid deserves a
worse punishment than others, just that they will be more or less effective depending on the kid. My guy was the sort when he was little that just didn't give a flip about pain. If he had been punished with the sort of swat or slap I was given, I doubt he even would have noticed. His parents hit him and whupped him with a belt, punched him, none of it did anything... but restraint and quiet time worked instantly. I responded okay to quiet time if I was being punished for something I didn't really care about, but if I wanted something bad enough, no matter the danger, I'd go for it. I was a cocky little minx and I didn't think there could be an evil in the world to scare me. A little physical pain made me re-evaluate how much I wanted it.
We both had different tolerances and preferences, and just like you wouldn't buy the same birthday gift for everyone, you can't punish everyone the same way.
I'm very close to my mother, I love her dearly and see her often, and I think she did a great job with both of us. I really admire that she was able to take on both my brother and I with such varying approaches and raise two well-adjusted adults who are independent and well mannered. Is it possible she might have found another way to punish me for my indiscretions? Maybe, I can't rule everything out. But, it did work, and I feel it left no lasting damage on me.