Beau Perkins

Cindy I don't think you hate me. I do think you look for ways to disagree at times. I think you sometimes have a habbit of taking what I am saying in the worse possible way. If I say something and accidentally I am not totally clear, at times there are some people that like to automatically assume I mean whatever I am trying to say in a very negative way. This may be partially my fault because of my behavior on a few occasions. So I don't blame anyone really.

As for grudges.

I find they take too much energy. I cant even remember what started most of my heated ugly moments on this forum. For instance, for a while Joshua and I were going at it weekly. We had some epic threads, when I think back now cant ever remember why.

I find it is healthier to just let go of anger. I cant say I am here with the intent of making friends, but I definitely am not here to make enemies either.

Now, I know more than a few people on this forum has recieved private appologies from me. There are two in particular that through them back in my face and said I was acting like a little bitch. I do tend to take that a little personal. When I send a PM to apologize in private and it gets used against me to make me look weak, my ego kicks in. This is what brought about my very personal attack on Briana a few weeks ago. That made me rethink all the history between us and made me boil to a point I wanted to say "fuck you" in the meanest way possible.

Joshua, I dont think you hold grudges as bad as you say. You and I have exchanged some harsh words in public. What a lot of people don't know is more than a couple times we settled it in PM and moved on. I think you and I even can say we get along now. We still disagree often, that will never change, but I dont think neither of us holds hate for each other. I know on my end I don't.....anymore. There was a time I really did think I hated you.

There are other people I can be in one thread going nose to nose with on a topic, but be in another laughing up a storm. Cindy, Surreal, Jessyanne and Io all come to mind there.

There are 3 people I think that really hold a grudge against me. It seems they are always ready to take offense to anything I say.

Anyways. I guess what I am saying is if I have made anyone hate me here, I am sorry. Fact is there is nobody on this forum I can say I hate. There are a few I think it is best I avoid, because history repeats itself. I hope nobody thinks I am here just to make enemies. I am not. I am here because this forum offers so many different, interesting personalities. Just because I am debating with you an a particular topic, it does not mean I am mad at you. It does not mean I hate you. I just don't like your opinion on a topic. Isn't that what forums are in the end? A never ending multi-user blog of all out different opinions?

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