Here's how I handle the "gender deception" thing. Most of my
SL friends are from this board, so I ASSUME that everyone knows about it. There is nothing in my profile indicating I am transgendered and there is a RL pic of me, in a pink top and a white skirt. Its not a glam shot - I just appear to be a pretty average, middle aged woman.
However, if someone from outside this forum becomes close to being a friend, I tell them. I don't want guys or women to be interested in a friendship or a romantic relationship with me unless they know the truth. Women seem to handle this pretty well, men less so. Most men pretty much drop out of my life after I tell them.
Believe me, for all the mythology of transgendered HAWTNESS, its pretty much a romance killer in actuality.
At least I can relax when dancing or talking to someone without worrying about letting my "secret" out.
Sooz