This topic has been a real minefield in the past. However, there is no need for another war over what seems to be an innocent inquiry from someone who appears to be a nice person.
[sigh] Let me see if I can de-fuse part of the mine field.
I came "out" in another forum some time ago and confessed that I am not a "real" woman in RL. I wish I hadn't, but that is another topic.
I am transgendered in RL, basically, although physically male, my brain seems to be more female than male. I do not believe it would be an intelligent decision, at this stage of my life, to "transition" from male to female by taking hormones, living and working as a woman, and eventually getting "THE SURGERY." So, I make do by cross dressing whenever possible and going out in RL dressed as a woman to night clubs, lunches dinners and shopping.
SL was a way for me to be female here. Of course my self outing pretty much ruined that in some respects. Many if not most of my female friends in
SL, including the ladies in this forum basically treat me like one of the girls and if they believe I am different, they are polite enough and considerate enough not to let me know.
Of course, except for a couple of brief flings, I am pretty much "untouchable" in the romance department.
Several other cross gendered avatars have confided in me, and I won't betray their confidences. I will say that people change genders in
SL for a variety of reasons, few of them sinister.
I hope this helps answer part of your question.
Sooz