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Old 03-03-2018, 01:21 PM   #1426 (permalink)
Casey Pelous
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Jesus is coming. Look busy!
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA, Upper Left
Posts: 10,438
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SL Join Date: August 21, 2007
Client: Anything But 2
Son sent me a link to this Craigslist ad ......

Quote:
Selling beloved work truck. Pre-Tacoma 2WD Toyota 1Ton. Used for hiking, hunting, contracting, home improvement, vandwelling, construction, occasional vagabonding. Could also be used for airsoft, paintball, Amazon Flex, and driving foreign dignitaries to secret CIA jungle prisons.

The good:
- Detailed! Spotless.
- Just two owners! Owned by a Grandpa and an Eagle Scout. The Carfax report will bore you to tears.
- Curb weight just under 3,000lb means better mileage and higher top speed than the 4x4
- Very rare, very low 8 foot bed makes Home Depot runs a lot easier
- Topper is sealed and fits a twin-sized mattress with 18+ inches of room to spare!
- HAM Radio if you're a doomsday prepper, zombie survival enthusiast, or want to talk to long-haul truck drivers on long, post-romantic, existential cross-country road trips as you reminisce about the decay of the American Dream
- Eligible for Collector Plates in two years!
- Some trims came with a Crossover above the radio. The 1Ton came with something much less common on an import in 1990: cup holders.
- Northwest Forest and Discovery Passes through March. Go hiking next time it's sunny!
- A Tacoma is a WRX for people with responsibilities

The bad:
- Tachometer linkage cable vibrates violently on cold mornings. Sounds like the Decepticon in the engine bay is about to murder you. This truck's two owners have had the problem looked at by four mechanics and they all laughed it off.
- You'll be hit on by "overlanding enthusiasts" with eight Instagram followers and two friends, old men reminiscing about their youth, and swooning hiker babes while you're just trying to fill up your damn gas
- Tabs expired

The ugly:
- 5spd. Your future supermodel girlfriend can't drive it
- AM/FM/Cassette player will not get you laid. Does come with a cassette->Aux converter.
- Stock 4-Speaker system is a step below throwing your cracked iPhone in a plastic bowl
- Driver's side window is a bear to roll down. You're going to have to step out of your 28 year old truck and pick up your $8 organic hemp milk sugar free vanilla lattes in the lobby
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