To start off my first interview of 2005, I chose someone who has not been in Second Life for very long (only four months), yet in that time has impacted a wide variety of players old and new, myself included. Torley Torgeson first came to me through SLUniverse, seeking answers to a variety of questions about Second Life before joining. Little did I know that answering those questions would lead Torley to where it has. I am proud to present the latest in the Chat History series, my interview with Torley Torgeson:
Cristiano Midnight: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me this evening, Torley.Torley Torgeson: Oh, you're most graciously welcome, Cris/Ano. :D
CM: You have managed to make a pretty big splash since your arrival in Second Life. What first drew you to SL, and more importantly, what took you so long to find it?
TT: Awww... well coming from you, who helped me to get here in the
first place, that's quite an honor! Wheee. There are many reasons why I've come to Second Life: one of them was, of course, having my questions answered at SLUniverse -- people make the difference. I also was, and still am, very much in tune with the WHOLE CREATIVE VIBE here... it's absolutely awesome, and the diversity within the gridverse is immense. As for what took me so long to find it, I can only blame this on myself... I had been very busy with music previously, and the way life works can be a mysterious one. Some months ago, I developed hyperacusis -- hypersensitive hearing problems -- and found myself unable to work. Hyperacusis was a "blessing in disguise" in that if I hadn't had it, I'd still be doing music but wouldn't be here Apparently a lot of my research into cyberpunk online worlds finally turned up Second Life, and I am just happy to be here now. I HAVE A TENDENCY TO MISS THE OBVIOUS! I WILL NOT UNDERSTATE THAT! :)
CM: Did you have experience with other environments prior to SL?TT: No, not really. I have never done the MMO route very much myself, or anything like that... it just didn't appeal to me. I've played SOME video games but on the whole, they've not been of interest to me. Redundant levelling by killing of automated creatures doesn't appeal to me on a level that really moves me, and although I've found it fun for awhile before, I don't anymore. So although I tried the There trial shortly before Second Life, it only lasted a few days. I am not familiar with TSO, ActiveWorlds, etc. However, I continue to be in Second Life, and very grateful for this.I have been dreaming all of my life for a place like Second Life, and have finally found it. I used to dabble in some single player VR programs like Virtus 3D and VRML, but that's the extent of my earlier adventures.
CM: You did not miss much, believe me. I played TSO and There, but neither held my interest, and AW is a mess and a half. Second Life has held my interest for two years, which is saying something
TT: LOL... hardey har har. Well I trust your sound judgement on
online worlds reviews, Ano. :) It indeed says something, especially because of what you, and I, and others have invested into the community because SL really appeals to us.
CM: From very early on, you have been very candid about the fact that you are autistic. Why did you feel you wanted to be so public about it from the start?
TT: About my autism... I was quite public about it before in the techno music community, for over a year I think (perhaps two? Time sure does bounce and skitter and glitch and hop). Ah... upon entering SL, I had a lot of emotional baggage on me. My Dad recently died, I couldn't continue my passion of composing music. So I figured... if I'm gonna live once in my Second Life, might as well put my all into it and come out as directly and honestly yet with the grace to approach others who also have tales of their own to tell from personal experiences. And concerning autism specifically...I have gotten to know a number of residents who are either autistic themselves or have a loved one who is, and sharing stories with them and exchanging information has been invaluable to all of us indeed. It's kinda like, to me, there's a stigma about not speaking up about it -- so I just figured, guns-a-blazin', I'm gonna do this and see what I can do to help out. See who else comes along for the adventure too...and that's what First Life, Second Life, is all about... a veritable adventure with many bumps in the road, but hopefully ya keep rock-and-rolling on!
CM: Thank you for such an amazingly candid answer, Torley.TT: Thank you for such a well-phrased question, Ano! WOOHOO!
CM: I have noticed that when I speak to you, I get to
see Second Life and other things through a unique perspective that I've never experienced before. For example, when I was playing music for you the other night and you were commenting on the music, you saw things in the music I would never think of.What new perspectives has Second Life brought to you, about yourself and others?
TT: Awww cool beans, Ano. *blushes* Well I've learned a lot here... I hang out with such a variety of people on here... unfortunately, that means some of my good friends are nemesises (is that even a word? Dang!). But I like to sit and listen to learn, particularly about things like SL history -- what's happened here before, aka "all the fun I missed out on", and about how people feel about humankind in the future. What lies ahead for us. I've learned so much here about varying creative approaches -- like how some masterbuilders are absolute snap-to-grid fanatics, while others will do it "by feel". Pop culture, a longtime obsession of mine, also appears a lot in SL. I don't relate well to certain things like sarcasm, so in here, I really enjoy mad skillz with gestures, and have been trying to loosen up in regards to some of that. And just learning where my fellow avatars come from, geography-wise and background-wise and other-wise. I've had plenty of great experience just getting into other people's interests, and through the ability to create in here and SHARE WITH OTHERS, it's like I've gained more insight into their worlds. It's difficult to describe but it's this whole pocket universe in here, running with accelerated thrust. I thought I was openminded before... I'm even MORESO now, exponentially. YAYZERAMA!!!
CM: I want to talk for a minute about what you said about sarcasm. Aside from realizing that you must not understand Kris Ritter at all, I am curious what other challenges you face in an environment like SL.
TT: HAHAHA... well see, here's the thing with Kris: originally, yeah,
was quite confused by her, but learning from her and chatting with her at length about who she is, has really helped me understand her better. She's like a "Professoress of Sarcasm" with with the elf ears and the whole ten yards of avatars. Muhahaha. *ahem*
CM: She will just love me for singling her out :)
TT: LOL I hope she does! Kris has been great to me. I remember her first post to me on SLUniverse, telling me to bring my ass inworld... I thought she meant literally -- and she did, anyway... my AVASS. As for c-h-a-l-l-e-n-g-es... I have to say, I'm not happy with my typing method right now. I type with two fingers so I should someday really learn to type "proper home row stylee". I doubt that's gonna happen because I may have grown too acclimated to "hunt-and-seek". On a totally serious thoughtline, however... the interface is still not fluid enough as I'd like it to be. For example, I can't walk and talk at the same time on a keyboard -- and I don't have a foot pedal controller to go VROOM VROOM! I mean, how unnatural is that? ;)
CM: Indeed :)TT: I'm still trying to deal with certain other people's perspectives. Like if someone doesn't use emoticons, it can throw me for a loop in trying to decipher the meaning behind things. If there's a meaning at all. Also, the colors on the screen - I prefer high-contrast tones so I can pick things out easier. THAT'S kinda obvious, isn't it? I suppose it all centers around more fluid means of communication, from one person to another. I mean, look at ugly drama inworld and on the forums... how much of that erupts outta miscommunication? It's like a bad episode of Three's Company or something. Eeeps :| And yeah... I think that's the big-ass pillar... COMMUNICATION. For me to learn more about it here, is extremely precious.
CM: You are involved in one of SL's more interesting relationships, from an outsider's perspective. Do you find that people tend to have very rigid ideas about things like sexuality and gender, or do you find the environment in SL to be welcoming of pushing boundaries of what defines such things?TT: Awww. I LOVE JADEY!!! <3 I find that well, in SL, like offline, there are many types of people, and sure, and I have surely found that that the open minds who DO embrace the new digital frontier and look towards a longer, broader outlook for humanity and relationships, are very prominent. Heck, you've got a lot of cases in here of guys-as-girls who won't say so for various reasons. That's gotta stand by itself. Plus, those who are trisexual in here, or have no discernable sexuality like certain single-celled organisms and mecharobotstuffs. A lot of this isn't new at all, but there is a certain ignorance to it. More people should ASK each other about their lifestyles instead of making slapdown judgments, which I believe are foolish and harmful. I've come across the occasional closeminded jackass, but they tend to be the type of person that, even if you hit them in the face with the whole dang Encyclopedia Brittannica or Encarta -- take your pick -- they won't bother to learn. It's that type of mentality I don't relate to -- one in which you can't be happy for others, but you can't be happy for yourself. In other words, you push other people down instead of lifting yourself up. What a shame. :( THANKFULLY though, in SL, the overwhelming majority of people I've come to know, or have heard of, embrace new possibilities and expansion.And that is really cool indeed. :-)
CM: It has been an interesting few days in the forums wth the announcements of the changes to event support, stipends, and ratings. Along with the expected hysteria, there does seem to be honest fear among some players who feel that the actions are too severe and will harm SL, specifically cutting off event support. What are your thoughts on this?TT: HAHAHA... THE FEAR... PANDEMONIUM'S HOUSE OF TEMPORAL INSANITY!!! Ya know, Ano... past the crazed spookiness, I actually feel for a lot of my friends who are put in this hard situation. I have friends who have conflicting views about what's going on. I myself, I'm not happy my stipend's being cut. I won't make two bones about that. And not as much clubbing fun for me *sighs*... YES I do go to a lot of them. I like to explore and keep my options open. I've met some cool people in plywood boxes. ;) But I DO have faith in the Linden family, and while short-term, this may seem sucky, that the longer term prognosis is a good one. In time, there may be new tiers of support. We don't know yet 'cuz we aren't there... the book of Second Life is still being written.More people should be there for each other instead of flaming away on the forums. It's awful. Myself, I like to sit down and SHADDUP and really listen to what someone else has to say, if it's calmly spoken and well-thought out, instead of prattling on. And then, I respond with what may be a tangential option. It hurts the community to have so much vicious infighting. Weakens us all. I believe that... in hindsight... this will all look puny and shallow, and perhaps even laughable. As has been said by some of my "oldbie" chums, someday we'll go "Remember the time when..." In the meantime, I wish us as a community well, and hopefully, to continue thought provoking discussion and be there, unified in our diversity. It'll be so much easier when we look back, and it's important to keep the whole timeline in perspective. I AM a time-traveller after all -- I know these things. *grins* ;)
CM: You touched on the "oldbie" idea. There has been a lot of hyperbole put forth recently in the forums about a perceived division between older, established players and newer players. Have you found this to be true?
TT: I consider it hyperbole fo sho. Here's another case where COMMUNICATION is important. Upon my entry to SL, I seeked out "oldbies" like yourself in hopes of getting to know your perspective and experiences. And indeed I have. Why don't some people ask questions, instead of shouting out insults? Crude generalizations are not helpful -- even among oldbies, since each one of you peeps is a unique individual. Me? I like to learn about SL history. It's relevant. More people should read the New World Notes archives and old forum threads. The thing oldbies who are still in SL have in common is that they've likely seen this coming before, they've burned through the storm -- several times in some cases! --and they've come out of it alive. Now here I generalize, but for a good reason: friendly oldbies, by their virtue of experience and contributions to SL, are to be looked up as honored elders. I make no light of this because it's very neoConfucian to me, and paying my respects to those who have come before is of UTMOST importance. *bows sagely* After all, stay in Second Life long enough... you WILL get old. I just hope in addition to getting old, one gets wise to learning about the redundancy of historical loops. I aspire to that, in my time. :-)
CM: You certainly have managed to ingratiate yourself with a diverse group of established players - it seems that everyone not only knows you, but is producing watermelon hued items in your honor. What do you attribute your ability to transcend the gap and become part of SL society so quickly?TT: Hahaha... it's such a thrill, and it really makes me smile bigtime. And to
think there was a time where I hardly smiled at all. Awww! *looks puzzled for a sec* You know, I have a dang hard time looking at myself and making assessments like that. I think that goes along with autism in the "being in my own world" sense. It's hard. Again, in a case like this, I really like to sit down and listen to a friend and how they see me. It's how I learn. And then, they can ask how I see them. Fun! :-)
CM: It does seem often that when a person receives a
certain amount of attention, it will also attract detractors and cynics. How would you respond to those who have whispered doubts about your autism, or that you have used that to gain attention? I imagine your answer will be less expletive filled than mine has been when I have encountered that type of comment about you.TT: That's a good question. One which is not without historical redundancy of playing the "race card", or in this case, of playing some sort of "autism card'. Which is, to some, like forcing a fish to walk on land. It's completely unnatural and prejudiced, and those who make such statements should learn more about my background first, or work with people with disabilities and conditions -- I refer not only to autism, but the broad spectrum of human beings out there with problems. That includes ALL of us, by the way. Ah, if a detractor or cynic is friendly enough, I'd like to talk with them about why they believe this is the case, and hopefully we can both share our perspectives openmindedly. Even if we can't agree on certain things, the bigger picture here is humanity. Of course, if one is not me, then you don't know what it's really *like* to be me. And conversely, the same is true. I'm frustrated by how easily most people seem to get body language and sarcasm, or why I can't relate to some things easily. It makes me mad. I used to cry a lot over it. Dang... I could lash out and say "YOU PEOPLE HAVE IT EASY!IT'S SO UNFAIR!" and in fact, I HAVE in the past... but where does all that hate go? Just hurts others. Hurt, hurt hurt. Pain and suffering in the world. Some accuse me of being "over-happy" and "too giddy", but in fact, looking at my whole life, I'm actually undercompensating. So please, if you're reading this and you have questions about me, please do ask... inworld or via email. It's a lot better than rumormongling -- going direct to the source isn't hard. I just please ask you to be gentle, and I will be the same -- moreso! -- for you. In the end... like my Dad once said: "I'm just me, and that's all I can be." :-D
CM: Again, thank you for such an honest answer - you
easily could have not addressed that question out of not needing to justify anything about who you are. I should note to the readers that I asked this to help dispel such comments, and gave Torley the opportunity to decline answering.
TT: *nods and smiles softly*
CM: Let's change gears for just a moment and return to
talking about your status as SL's penultimate social butterfly.... You have certainly gotten to experience SL from a variety of angles. Do you find yourself wanting to take part in some of the more creative aspects?
TT: Aha, that's too rich for me. You know how many people I look up to as social butterflies? It's just sooo weird, to a degree, being social in here. But refreshingly awesome. The fact you said "penultimate" leaves me room for self-improvement and growth, which is fantastico. I have built some before. Some my past builds include the Circle K with Lady Dawson, the Temple of Lash (LOL!), and just mischievious dabbling stuff. I also helped furnish where Jadey and I were living for awhile. It's not the most appealing thing to me YET, because of things like a fiddly grid system, but I do build time to time, and heck, I hang out with a lot of masterbuilders... so I'm REALLY inspired. As for scripting and clothing and soforth... well, again, REALLY inspired.
CM: ugh tell me about it, my house keeps moving.TT: Yeah I remember, first time I met you, you told me this... :) *sighs* The amazingly talented people -- not to mention warm & friendly -- I've met in here, are such great friends. So it's gonna rub off on me in one way or another. For now, I mainly like to share my ideas... I have exploding ideabombs... resulting in idea shrapnel. That IS part of the creative chain. ^_^ I'm leaving room for future possibilities, which is what I have to say to that. Maybe I'll be inspired enough to build a Trump Tower o' Watermelons or something. Who knows! In the meantime, I bask in the glorious work other Residents have made.
CM: It seems that the watermelon color scheme thing is
as popular as the whole low carbs craze. Any other color schemes you like? :)
TT: LOL... I dunno about low-carbs (is that a fad? I gotta learn more), cuz it's been a longtime obsession. On myself, I prefer neon watermelon best, but I like seeing what other people really enjoy on them, in terms of color schemes and soforth. I also like... hmmm... *thinks reflectively* Well just a few quick examples off of the top of my head: I really like how shiny is implemented on here. People like Maxx Monde and Oz Spade are shiny-advocates, and I've come to appreciate the shiny too. It makes yellow look more like... gold, ya know? Works so well on big-ass buildings. It's the shiznit. Also... the way ubertextilepeople like Nephilaine Protagonist, how she lays the whole spectrum out and not even colors things tastefully and vintagely yet forward-looking, but gives them COOL NAMING SCHEMES as well. Heck, it's even reflected in the PixelDolls logo! :) I do like RAINBOW... the whole spectrum <--- there's that word again! and I suppose pairings like blue-yellow and purple-orange are kewl too. But hey, whatever goes... that's why we have SO MANY COLORS TO CHOOSE FROM. DIVERSITY!It's like some gargantuan buffet table...
CM: Life is a banquet, my friend :)TT: INDEED!!! SOOO TRUE. OMG. Try everyone once, and come back for seconds and thirds or whatcha like most. I just happened to fawn over the watermelon dishes too much! *gulps* SO DINE ON!!! Er, did I say everyone? I meant "everything"... LOL I'm gonna sound like a cannibal now. Or... a pixelperv.
CM: People argue about whether Second Life will ever represent the metaverse. I know you have a lot of interest in this topic, what are some of your views on the state of SL, and its potential to go far beyond what it is right now?
TT: I think too much arguing will hinder us from ever getting things done. That's the way it is with invention though. Been there, done that, ad infinitum. A veritable Moebius loop. TIME TO BREAK THE DAMN LOOP! Someone negative goes "blahblahblah, can't be done, it's not realistic" and then someone else eventually forges a mighty weapon and BREAKS ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE!*sings* Humans once were scared of fire. And gasoline-powered automobiles. And Pokemon. And even the World Wide Web. It -- progress -- keeps travelling on, a ribbon through spacetime, as long as there are progressive people with a certain degree of altruism. We'll know when we get there. But in the present, I think SL is a personal miracle for me. Yeah, there have been gripes about its stability, but it's miraculous that it works AT ALL right now. Like, you interviewing me. OMG. I know you've looked how far SL has come from 1.0 (and before that, Lindenworld!). And in 1.4... CUSTOM ANIMATIONS! Whoa baby. I can see you DANCE. And we can FLY!!! (Thanks FlipperPA, heh.) Can't forget that... FLYING!!! I can't take SL for granted, especially when I know people around the world are starving and not so fortunate to even have clean water. I really have to humble myself and I remind myself, each and every day, how grateful I am to be here. How grateful I am to the Linden family, all the new friends I've made in Second Life, and just all these explorations and adventures. I have roots in cyberpunk, so it's intuitive to me that I point towards my futurevision humanist interests in all of this. I really admire Alvin and Heidi Toffler, Michio Kaku, Neal Stephenson, and more for the progressive ideas they have pushed forward. Whatever happens with Second Life, I wish us all the best and hope we will step forward together, realizing that like Spock said, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one." The potential for Second Life is an open book... so let's keep writing the pages together!!!!!!
CM: What do you think the biggest misconception people have about you is?
TT: Hm, it's hard to assess myself like I said, but I think a misconception is that I'm always happy. I'm not. I have sadness too... I have, to my knowledge, a wide range of emotions which I'm trying to explore through Second Life. :)
CM: We have certainly witnessed a few rather public meltdowns in the forums, so it does seem that a second life can bring as much stress as the first one at times. People come to Second Life with a wide variety of baggage at times. What do you think some of the benefits, and some of the dangers can be for people?
TT: Oh you know this far better than I, Ano, but lessee... *pauses* I think a danger could be, expecting too much out of Second Life. While I did mention it's miraculous, it's important not to imbalance this with your offline life, and get sucked into it like a void. That's very polar and dangerous because it creates a sort of dependent mechanism. *hmmm* Much as some of us joke about SL addicts, it is good to take breaks and to step away for awhile and to pause on what we have experienced in here. A personal equilibrium. I think a benefit, of course, is being able to reshape yourself via avatar appearance to "get away", and maybe come up with a fictional personality in some form. Hence, "second life". I DO roleplay some (with the whole time-travelling angle), but in my case, the "real me" will always show through. This, for me, is an extension of who I am. It's like extra layers on a wedding cake that are so yummy, with their frosty icing that's not too artery-hardening, but still eloquently delicious. I embrace contradictions. SL to me IS a game... AND it's more than that. I tend to be an "AND" person, not an "OR" person, so when it comes to Second Life, I definitely take it seriously -- but not too seriously, if that makes sense. "Serious fun"...and the forums can be a hard place to be. I act harsher on forums than I do inworld myself, so I know I'm guilty of this to some degree. I just hope that when people make the decision to leave SL "forever", that they are really thinking about what "forever" means -- I'd prefer a place here to return to after taking an extended sabbatical, as opposed to being gone from SL... well, FOREVER. :( Keep the whole timeline in mind. That's what I gotta say. ^_^
CM: As we start a brand new year, are there any changes and improvements in Second Life that you are hoping for and looking forward to?
TT: Absobleepinlutely. When these changes+improvements are implemented, I'll be like OMG!!! YAYZERAMA!!! I don't know the workings behind Havok 2 and two-way XML-RPC, but my techy scripter pals keep saying it'll make SL better, so I trust them. :) A lot of my faves include the usual feature requests that have been brought up time and time again for awhile. I won't get repetitive 'cuz Lindens know where these are at. I respect this. I have some esoteric picks of my own: one of my personal proposed faves would be "group transport", a way for a flock of friends to travel to multiple places simultaneously without having to keep pushing "Offer Teleport..." It's inconvenient. PARTY ON, DUDES!! Another might have to be a more informative login screen that keeps people abreast of what's going on, and a more effective-yet-personal method of highlighting cool places to go in SL -- perhaps rotated guest reviewers? And another is group inventory pools to share items for group projects, given the right permissions. Ways to ride down firehouse pole railings and swing down chandeliers. That'd be kewl.More dynamic animations that you can "control" on the fly (i.e. dance with more flappy arms, kiss more passionately). I have a feeling you'd like this. More integration between SL and WWW. Goes without saying, but I just said it anyway. Also, a more central repository and wealth of information for avatars to learn about the history of SL from. I'm openly biased in this because my love, Jade, oversees the SL Public
Library, and I am so very proud of her. <3> <--- yes that's a supersymmetrical heart. I'm also prepared for many surprises down the road... another paradox. Past the code, I look to the people. A healthier, happier, vibrant creative society is what I certainly hope for and look forward to. Steady, constant growth for SL with an odd media spike here and there... a community that may not agree with LL's decisions, but puts the confidence in them to make the right choices. When I was a kid, I could be a real brat. I was disciplined and even though it was explained to me, I didn't understand why. Until many years later, I looked back. A similar thing here. What seems like pain now may actually be transmogrifying into pleasure. *clears her throat* As chastely kinky as this sounds: I pray for much more pleasure to come.
CM: I am glad I drank some Mt. Dew before this interview. As always, speaking with you is invigorating.
TT: HAHAHA you should try "Dr. Dew" sometime, I know I'm gonna! :)
CM: My final question to you comes from something you once wrote.
TT: Mmmhmmm?
CM: In reading your very entertaining blog, I often find myself saying "Wow" to things that you have said. In one particular entry, you talked about watching the sunsets in SL, and how this is not something you had been able to enjoy in RL. I was incredibly moved by that at the time, and I found myself wondering about how many people use SL to go beyond limitations in their real lives. What do you think would be the biggest gift that your second life has given to you?
TT: Simply put: being here. Communicating with you right now. Being with friends. Being able to explore and have crazy fun. Being able to explore the possibilities of a million stars, and then some, with more to come. Being able to have come to know, and being in love with Jadey. The synchronicity. The connections. The wonder of it all. Just . . . being. :-)
CM: Just being Torley :)
CM: and that is all that you can be..., as your father said.
TT: I could say it no better than that, my venerable friend. *blushes*
CM: Again, thank you for your time, and your words. I
enjoyed this immensely.
TT: Thank YOU graciously, Cris. Moreso to you, moreso to you. It's been such a trip...coming to know you from my first post on SLUniverse, LOL, and now... all the way to this point in the timeline. That wonder will *never* cease to amaze me. And onwards we go, into *dum dum dum* the future! And again, I apologize for being late. :)